is anyone not seeing their parents/siblings over Christmas?

[papayasareyum]

It feels like the whole world is going to see relatives over Christmas and for the second year running, we're not.
My Mum's house is tiny and when she's filled it with local family members (who live within walking distance mostly) there's little room left for a family of five (or four if adult teen stays behind)
We live 250 miles away, so an overnight stay at least is required (and she's annoyed if we stay in a hotel)
She says we don't visit often enough, but when we suggested going up a month or so ago for a weekend, she was 'busy' (she wasn't busy, according to my sister, she likes plenty of advance notice for a visit, despite the fact that my siblings visit daily and have keys to let themselves in and out) She hasn't been here for a few years, says it's too far.
Visits at Xmas are usually fraught with arguments as Mum likes to drink too much and start shouting at me for being the crap daughter who lives at the other end of the country. Neither of my teens want to visit much at all (they don't like the atmosphere and when my teen currently doing GCSEs brought GCSE work to our last visit, Mum said this was very rude and shouted about it)
I just feel sad that I don't have a normal relationship with family up there (dh's Mum and Dad are dead but we do see his siblings)
The visits we do make are fraught with tension. I dread them and walk on eggshells the whole time. I have a very surface relationship with my Mum because opening up to her isn't a good idea. She stores any weakness about my kids or me as future ammo, so I tell her very little.
I just feel sad about it. Facebook is awash with people who have normal family bonds and I want some of that too.

both of my parents are dead and my siblings live too far away to visit over christmas so the only ones i will see are my two sons on christmas day as my daughter is away on holiday over christmas, to be honest it will be great not having to feed the hoards as im working xmas eve and boxing day

I'm not. I'm NC with my mum and sister and in laws live a long way away. We have hosted in laws the last 3-4 years and I'm looking forward to having a year off!

Haven't been to my home town in 5 yrs, so nope, won't be seeing anyone.

Only child and both parents dead.

Us. My parents are on holiday, DH’s parents have made it very clear they don’t want us around, one sister lives abroad and we’re NC with the other.

Christmas will be just the two of us doing exactly what we think is nice, not worrying about pleasing lots of cantankerous relatives and driving half way around the country in order to fail to please them.

Not seeing The outlaws this year- I refuse to pretend we are a jolly big happy family when there is a blatant tier system that we are bottom of.
Besides we can’t make our time slot 🙄

Just me and DP.

I don’t particularly like forced fun and family gatherings. And I refuse to eat another Christmas dinner on my lap in front of a re-run of Only Fools and Horses at DP’s dad’s and have to delight in his bratty niece unwrapping a mountain of plastic tat. No thanks.

I'm not seeing any family or in laws this year and I am absolutely delighted about that. I have had some very sad years though OP, thinking that everyone else was having a lovely family Christmas and enjoying the heck out of being with each other. Please remember that it's mostly bollocks - some people genuinely enjoy these family times but many find them smothering, suffocating and even traumatic. Your mother sounds shocking, you don't need to be around that kind of behaviour. You're not alone, I promise

And my advice would be to stay off Facebook for the duration. It will be full of #makingmemories and #blessed and #familytime. Vomit. Leave the smug buggers to it

Nope. Not since we decided to stop travelling at Christmas when DD2 was a few months old. My Sister lives 800 miles away busy with her own family. Parents 600 miles away never yet travelled at Christmas. In -laws also 300 miles away in the opposite direction. They themselves stopped travelling to visit us a few years ago (when our cute kids had turned into surly teenagers).
It's fine and I have to add that we get on well with all of them an have always shared enjoyable Christmases in the past. But just us 4 at home is great too. It's quiet, no stress, and suits my kids who find any kind of noise, travel and change rather stressful anyway (ASD).
We see eachother at least once in the year.

We’re not.

I feel a bit crap about it, I love a big family Christmas but I had my first baby last week and I can’t think of anything worse than a massive lunch when I’m EBF and my stitches make it painful to sit down.

Hopefully DH makes it a nice Christmas at home for us.

Congrats on the new baby Stephi! I hope you have a wonderful first Christmas as your own family.

We are not seeing them until NY really.

I will visit a DAunt who lives near us for a drink/catchup on Christmas Day for an hour. And a different DAunt on 27th or so.

Otherwise, it will be our household, neighbours, friends etc until we make the trek. There's a gathering for NYE in DPs holiday house, so that involves 1 DSibling and DSpouse, and DPs. We will call to DH's DSibling locally to there en route, with DSpouse and 2 DCs. DMIL may be visiting there.

We will also have to make the further trek onwards to where we both grew up, to see DMIL and other DSIblingIL, DSpouse and 3 DCs.

1 more DSibling mentioned calling to us as they go past to the airport.

I met 1 DSibling, DSpouse and DC at an event earlier this week and had lunch with them afterwards. And 2 others live abroad with their DSpouse/DPartners and DCs (4 between them).

It was frankly a miracle that we all saw each other in person this year, as we hadn't managed that in a few years. But there was a weekend where we were all home in the family home for an event. (Not all the DSpouses and DCs managed to get there - but there are significant distances and time zones involved).

I am looking forward to unwinding this year as it has been far too busy a year.

The years that our household travels "down home" for Christmas (and yes, it is still expected), we rent a cottage nearby as we are pulled in 2 directions between our 2 childhood homes and there is serious grief in both about spending too much time in the other and never actually getting any time just on our own (we always need some downtime of our own as the lead up is so manic - but we blame DD now, and she happily concurs, that with her ASD she needs some quiet space).

I am still the black sheep of the family for teenage misdemeanors, despite being a totally totally different person now. So I don't voluntarily go into the hornets' nest without a game plan, retreat tactics, and camouflage in place.

If your DM really wants you to visit, but has already filled the rooms, then she would have to accept that you NEED to stay in a hotel locally to do that. Would it work to just point out that obvious logic?

(I know - you probably already have, forget I even mentioned it.....)

Us. Everyone lives at least 800 miles away and I can think of nothing nicer than spending Christmas with only DH and my 2 DS's.

We have done this since the moment DS1 was born 13 years ago and now have the loveliest Christmases without the stress of family

No and quite happy not to.
My parents are very old now but have always been a nightmare at Christmas - arguments, too much alcohol, huffing, obsession with keeping the house absolutely sparkling - it was always full of dread. And my siblings are incredibly overbearing - even having a conversation with any of them sends my heart racing with stress.

No, my parents live in Australia and don't get on. NC due to their behaviour.

Husband has difficulties with dmil and dsil and they live abroad too so we don't see them.

We are now used to quiet Christmases without drama and chaos

I feel much better after reading this thread. I think a lot of people endure the Christmas season due to family difficulties. It shouldn't be like that - at any time of the year really. But you can't choose your family, only how you react to them.

None of my family anywhere near us, and none of them would have room for us to stay anyway.

And the in laws live in South Africa, and even if we could afford Christmas time flights (we can’t), they wouldn’t host us, we would be expected to take them out and treat them

So it’s just me,dh, and one adult dc and one young one. I must say I would love to spend Christmas somewhere different for once.

Not me, will see them before and after and throughout all of 2019 I imagine...but this Christmas I am going to enjoy it with just my little family and I can't wait to leave extended family drama behind us.

Just DP and I this year.

Parents on both sides are toxic so we stay away because who wants the bloody upset and drama?

for those having a quiet, drama free Christmas!

Quiet Christmas here-just myself, DH and our 3 DCs. Nice change as we normally host for at least 10. It’ll be my first Christmas without my mum-we weren’t close but she would come and stay. make life miserable for all of us I’m actually going to miss her being around!

We see more friends than family. Christmas Day is just us, DD and in-laws, boxing Day is at dsis this year. Other family members that are worth seeing are seen at some point over the couple of weeks before Christmas.
Everyone else is either spread out or downright nasty and we avoid them as much as possible over the year as it is.

Parents dead and I've bravely not invited 3 older siblings for the first time in 27 years! They've not been in relationships for years after divorces but this year their grown up DCs can entertain them! There's a mixture of outrageous snobbery, alcoholism, shallowness, narcissism, materialism, verbal aggression and a sense of entitlement. We're looking forward to not walking on eggshells all day!

My brother and his family- never see him if I can at all avoid it (once every 3 years possibly)
My parents - 3 hours on Boxing day. Mum doesn't know who anyone is and it disrupts their very fixed routine if we are there.

DHs db1 and family - we won't see them. SIL has decided she doesn't like us, or SIL2
DHs db2 and family - have booked a cottage for the whole holiday
PIL - are going with DB2

No one has made any plans to meet up either. So just me, DH and ds