Christmas plans and ill MIL - wwyd?? Help, please...

[whiteworld]

MIL is 3 and has dementia. She broke her hip a week ago and has been in hospital since. The op to fix her hip went well but her dementia is worse. She can only swallow thickened drinks and, is not eating yet, and her speech is not what it was before the op.

Thing is, we are meant to be going to my family for Xmas - 400 miles away. Would mean being away for a week. MIL has nobody else.

WWYD? Change plans and stay here? We're not sure when she will get out of hosp and go back to her care home.

I think you have to stay. I hate to say it but a hip fracture at her age is very serious. If she suddenly goes down hill while you're away then the drive home will be horrendously stressful. You'll be fine at home even if it's not exactly what you planned.

Imagine if the worst happened.

I’d also be very conscious that my children are watching, and I’d be leading by example.

Neither should sway your decision, just that these would be the two biggest factors for me. Illness pays no heed to high days and holidays.

It’s one Christmas but it may be her last. I think you all should stay.

OP, I work in a hospital and by this stage most wards have a pretty good idea of who they are hoping will be discharged by Monday as they know that Tue/Wed will be emergency cover only. I would have a frank conversation with nurse in charge and ask if she is likely to be back home by Monday. If she can be home and settled you'll be okay. You can always delay Christmas day. We are having our all together family Christmas next Friday as my brother's are with in-laws on 25 the. You could have a nuclear family Christmas day on Tue and then travel once mum is settled back in her home. How is she today? Is she mobilising at all?

Thanks vdb. Staff from the care home are assessing her now to see if they can look after her with her current level of mobility, or whether she needs to be more mobile.

Could you not shorten your visit to your family? I know that sounds quite rude but would eman you're not away as long

Problem with going for a shorter time is it's 9-hour drive to my family!!

It's not insurmountable though OP just tiring/difficult. I'd do it if it meant not leaving MIL alone for a week.

There should be a community reablement team who could continue to progress her mobility at the care home if she is medically fit for discharge. Ask if that might be available if she is considerably less mobile than before.

Right. The home is happy to admit her to a nursing ward, so she should be discharged on Monday.

We’re staying at home over Christmas.

Must be a relief to make a decision. Hope you have a nice Christmas at home.

An update. My MIL died a few days ago.

She was only able to get up once after her op, and after that was never aware or awake enough to mobilise.

Her dementia was made much worse by the fall. She never regained the ability to speak properly, or swallow. She'd just spit out food and water and medicine.

The end came as a blessing for her.

I’m so sorry whiteworld

Sorry for your loss op.

Very sad but as you say a blessing in the end.

I’m sorry OP I’m very glad you made the decision to stay and had that time with her.

Sorry for your loss

God, I just noticed that my OP said MIL is 3 and has dementia. Sorry. 94. WTF.