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Original poster

Help, I've screwed up, don't know what to do

42 replies

Justonedayatatime11 · 19/12/2018 22:26

I'm meant to be getting married on Sat, it's all gone horribly wrong, I don't know what to do for the best

OP posts:
duckeggbluenotblue · 19/12/2018 22:27

In what way wrong??

Hadalifeonce · 19/12/2018 22:28

That's very little information. Are you asking for advice?

Daisymclazy · 19/12/2018 22:28

What have you done? Second thoughts?

WhyAmISoCold · 19/12/2018 22:29

What's up? Do you not want to get married?

SillySallySingsSongs · 19/12/2018 22:30

What has happened?

HollowTalk · 19/12/2018 22:31

Don't marry him unless it's right for you.

Costacoffeeplease · 19/12/2018 22:32

There’s still time to change your mind. How is it screwed up?

Wilberforce2 · 19/12/2018 22:35

Think we need a bit more info if you want advice.

Original poster
Justonedayatatime11 · 19/12/2018 22:35

Sorry, I'm panicking. I am naturally very shy, not a lot of confidence, and although it's a small wedding, I'm terrified at having to walk into the room and know people are looking at me. I've tried really hard to explain this to dp as he doesn't understand why I'm so stressed about it.
Dp has a 'friend' who has caused trouble between us on a number of occasions. Said 'friend' has split up with his gf and decided he'll just bring someone else to the wedding. Dp didn't even consider my feelings on the matter and just told him it was fine. It feels as though this particular 'friend' has some sort of hold over dp, although he says not, but he always jumps when he clicks his fingers. I made it quite clear that I was upset by him not even asking me how I felt about some randomer turning up at our wedding and somehow from that we've gone to him shouting at me that I clearly don't want to marry him, I obviously don't love him and how I must still be hung up on my (abusive) ex.
I'm lost for words. I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
Justonedayatatime11 · 19/12/2018 22:36

Sorry, I don't even know if that made sense Sad

OP posts:
turnipsaretheonlyveg · 19/12/2018 22:41

OP the wedding is one day, the marriage is the important part. It sounds like you want to be married. Focus on that, blink and your wedding day will be over. Don't stress about one guest, you are very unlikely to even notice them during the day.
If you need to apologize for anything you have said do that. Otherwise do something you find relaxing.

Daisymclazy · 19/12/2018 22:42

A lot of information there, when's the wedding?

unexpectedgifts · 19/12/2018 22:54

Is it a formal wedding? Might it be kinder for your husband to be to meet you before you go in, and walk in together. It's not traditional but it depends on the setting. It could work.

He's probably interpreting your nerves as doubts and he's upset. This is then understandably upsetting you.

I completely understand your nerves.

Our rule was that no one we hadn't both met and at least had dinner with could come to the ceremony. He should have run it by you but probably didn't think.

BlueJay1 · 19/12/2018 22:56

Can I ask, are you sure that you do want to marry him?

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/12/2018 22:57

You don’t have to marry him OP. It’s better to postpone than realise it wasn’t what you wanted.

TheDuckSaysMoo · 19/12/2018 23:00

As wonderful as weddings can be they can also be really stressful for both parties. Unless there is a greater backstory here then you're partners reaction and the argument is likely to be down to stress. Be the bigger person and try to call the situation down.

Have you considered not walking down the aisle? Or walking in with your partner?
There's no need to do the conventional bride thing if you are nervous.

Congratulations and I hope you enjoy your day Flowers.

(Of course if this is part of a longer term pattern then do take time to consider your options.)

Costacoffeeplease · 19/12/2018 23:21

Fuck ‘em, it’s your day, they don’t matter one iota

Santasushi · 19/12/2018 23:23

Do you want to marry him?

Orlandointhewilderness · 19/12/2018 23:23

Is it being married to him you don't want, or the wedding?
The best friends girlfriend is a red herring. I'm sorry but I had a few randoms at mine as they were partners of people my XH knew and i didn't - par for the course and if you are determined to marry him it could be in front of an army of smurfs and you wouldn't care.

Original poster
Justonedayatatime11 · 19/12/2018 23:35

I want to marry him more than anything. This particular person has done nothing but cause problems for us. He's at the wedding because he's dp's friend and he wants him there, I understand that. I just find what he's done incredibly rude and disrespectful, and given the history, I suppose I'm disappointed that dp thought it was ok, and it didn't even cross his mind to ask me how I felt about it.
I love my dp more than anything, he's one in a million. I just didn't expect to be dreading our wedding day, rather than looking forward to it

OP posts:
Spagyetti · 20/12/2018 00:42

Don't let the friend win then, try and go ahead with your wedding.

mum11970 · 20/12/2018 00:49

Go and see your gp. They will be able to prescribe something to calm you down on the day. I was given beta blockers to curb the anxiety on my wedding day. They can be taken on the day and will take the edge off the anxiety.

PickAChew · 20/12/2018 00:56

You might want to marry your dp more than anything, but if he has any respect for you, he needs a bloody good reason to include guests you find upsetting.

If you marry him, how many more times would this sort of situation happen?

Iloveautumnleaves · 20/12/2018 00:58

Hopefully you’re both asleep now 😴😴

You’re stressing about your wedding day, that’s pretty normal. Your DP isn’t. That’s pretty normal. You’re sniping, he’s biting. All pretty normal.

His friend is doing what many people do when they split up - seeing someone else really quickly - proving ‘they’ve still got it’. It really doesn’t matter whether he brings his ex or his new gf. Or even whether he’s there or not. You’ll be far too focussed on your family & friends on the day to care about this bloke & his gf. He might be a twat, but he isn’t being rude or disrespectful - he asked your DP.

So, you can either continue this drama with your DP 2 days before your wedding, or you can make up with your DP and focus on the fact that he’s ‘wonderful’ and YOU will be married to him soon. It really is that simple. Truly.

Now, stop catastrophising, it hasn’t ‘all gone terribly wrong’ and start practising your new name or something equally daft 😊🌷

Fontofnoknowledge · 20/12/2018 12:45

Don't listen to people putting doubts in your mind. If you have truly found 'one in a million' and are sure you love him and want to spend your life with him then take a deep breath and tell yourself the wedding is only a day. Your marriage is the rest of your life.

As for posters saying if you marry him, how many more times would this sort of situation happen? Just ignore. They are negative misery guts jealous that you have found someone who wants to marry.

Everyone gets a bit stress before a wedding. Don't panic, be kind to each other. Disregard the 'friend' and have an amazing day !

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