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Original poster

Meeting consultant after op. (Intimate area)

30 replies

Youmatter · 18/12/2018 11:05

So I’ll be meeting the consultant, very nervous. To find out the results of tests and how I’ve healed etc.

I’m extremely worried about receiving bad news.

My consultant is male (haven’t met) and when in hospital I had such a hard time with the physical examination.

I know it’s their job and they’re just looking at the particular thing and in no way am I using this as an excuse but I was assaulted and seem to freeze and really go into myself with panic when I was about to be examined and definitely felt more comfortable around a woman. I’m so embarrassed about this and didn’t make a scene at the time and felt so guilty about even being scared of other men who were only trying to help me.

So anyway, I’m trying to be positive. I am positive. I have my very best friend coming to the appointment with me and me and my family have made light of the op itself and it’s been great.

So I’m just focusing on other things.

Do you have any tips on how I can relax about the examination?

Do you think I should trim? I hate the thought of hair being an issue to see!

Sorry if this has put a downer on your day reading this I’m really trying to keep it ‘light’

OP posts:

KnittingSister · 18/12/2018 11:19

Tell your consultant about the assault if you possibly can. Ask for a lady dr. Good luck

KnittingSister · 18/12/2018 11:20

Don't worry about trimming. They've seen the whole range!

JacquesHammer · 18/12/2018 11:22

I’m sorry you’re going through a hard time

You should be offered the option of a chaperone.

Is there someone who can go with you?

JacquesHammer · 18/12/2018 11:22

Ignore the second comment! Totally misread your post

AnnaMagnani · 18/12/2018 11:22

The hair will not be an issue. You should only trim if you want to.

Do you think letting the consultant know about the assault and your distress would help? If you can't say it out loud could you write it down and hand it to a female clinic nurse?

ThePurpleOneIsOverrated · 18/12/2018 11:22

I feel your pain, OP. I always seem to be waiting for results and it's a nightmare, especially if you have anxiety. I've had an 'intimate area' OP and it's certainly no picnic.

However, this seems to be more about your anxiety towards your male consultant. I'm sorry to hear the reasons for this. Do you feel you could speak to the hospital about it beforehand, just so he's aware of your anxiety. I would normally just say insist on a female consultant, but given you'll be recieving results and need an examination to check on your healing, I'm not sure how easy it would be to change consultants. You could always ask.

Original poster

Youmatter · 18/12/2018 11:34

There are unfortunately no female consultants where I am and he is the head of the team so I’m glad that I’ll be seeing someone so high up.. if you get me?

The trimming thing is just something I’m insecure about.

I’m not comfortable or confident enough to actually tell them as I don’t want this to be something I’m looked at differently for. I never went to a dr for this but I went to a private therapist. I’m ok about it but this is something that does slightly hold me back and I feel so guilty for thinking that these poor people who are trying to help me are in anyway like the person who assaulted me.

OP posts:

WeShouldBeFriends · 18/12/2018 11:39

Would you be happy to let your friend pop in ahead of you and mention it?

Original poster

Youmatter · 18/12/2018 11:57

I’ll be keeping it private and my mind won’t change. I don’t think I’m ready to share. I hate the thought of being looked at differently or being treated like a special princess.

OP posts:

AnnaMagnani · 18/12/2018 12:02

You do what's right for you. He should be aware anyway that there is a high chance that any woman he examines has your history and may or may not disclose it.

And almost all of the rest of the staff around will be female.

Starstruck2020 · 18/12/2018 12:09

You absolutely would not be seen as a princess or looked at differently. Clinics definitely want to work with you and provide you sensitive care.

Don’t feel pressured to share until you are ready. I would like to think your consultant will be able to give you the care you need without you even having to tell him anything. Having your friend as a support is a very good start.

All the very best; I’m sorry you were assaulted

AndWhat · 18/12/2018 12:09

Very different circumstances but I found a calming/meditation app on my phone really useful during an examination during my pregnancy.
I found lying there with the app playing for a few minutes before the examination started. It also helped to know what they were doing/ how long etc before zoning out.
Hope it goes ok

Original poster

Youmatter · 18/12/2018 12:10

I know it’s just unnecessary worry! Sorry for moaning

OP posts:

KnittingSister · 18/12/2018 13:45

I didn't hear any moaning. You have to do what works for you. Take your friend. Try holding your friends hand cos that reduces stress/pain. Be kind to yourself

cjt110 · 18/12/2018 13:58

Not moaning at all Youmatter Take some influence from your username.... You matter. Your fears matter.

Can you discuss it with the consultant's nurse beforehand?

PinkDaffodil2 · 18/12/2018 14:02

Ask for a chaperone (should be offered or even insisted on by a male doctor anyway) and they’ll certainly be able to have a female chaperone with the doctor if that helps. You don’t need to give any particular reason for having a chaperone present and it’s really standard so they won’t think anything of it. Hope it goes well.

AnnaMagnani · 18/12/2018 14:04

There should be a chaperone for any intimate examination whether the doctor is male or female and whether you want one or not.

MrsPear · 18/12/2018 14:07

I always have similar worries - I don’t even like a mask over my face as it brings things back. I was asked if there was anything that could do to make me more comfortable without me even disclosing. I’m pretty sure most gynaecology teams are more aware now. I just said to explain fully why and what they are doing before and during examination. A female nurse has always been present anyway. The mask issue was simple to avoid I had tubes instead.

TheOrangeOwl · 18/12/2018 14:10

Not for a consultant appointment but I recently had to have a doctor looking down below with a speculum and have swabs. There's a male doctor on that ward that I don't trust at all, and hate him for telling me the wrong information that almost resulted in a healthy baby being terminated. As such, I mentioned it and was absolutely supported in my choice that anyone I'm not comfortable with, I could absolutely say no to. It is completely your choice who cares for you! As for down there, I'm sure health professionals see shaved, unshaven and all mixes in between, so again, entirely up to you! However I wouldn't advise trimming or shaving if the area is still sore or healing, unless you feel 100% comfortable.

JinglingHellsbells · 18/12/2018 16:05

It would be very unlikely for you NOT to have a nurse (female) in the room with you. It is standard procedure to have a chaperone ( HCP or a friend of your own) for any examination - not simply one below the waist.

I have been examined countless times by my gynae and he always buzzes for a nurse to come in. it's to protect the dr against accusations of assault as much as for your own peace of mind.

I love my consultant- he's caring and lovely- and have no qualms over any exams and really don't care if anyone else is there or not, but it's procedure to have a chaperone for THEM.

You need to focus on the fact that to them, any area of your body is just a body part. They see 100s of women a week. Your vagina or vulva is not a sexual object to them. It's their JOB and they will not be associating it with any sexual thoughts.

Most drs will spend as little time as possible down there, and only take as much time as needed to check what's what.

Original poster

Youmatter · 18/12/2018 18:08

Thanks for all of your responses.

I know a female nurse must be present if any only is examining me.

Just the nerves kicking in!!

OP posts:

VictoriaBun · 18/12/2018 18:14

Whilst the actual examination is taking place could you take some music and earplugs to distract yourself . If you are not comfortable about telling them you could say because of anxiety.

VillanellesHairPin · 18/12/2018 18:24

I haven't got anything much to add, but just to say I find this kind of thing difficult anyway and I have had no trauma. So please don't feel daft or unreasonable for feeling what you feel.

And for you.

Original poster

Youmatter · 18/12/2018 18:40

Thanks. It’s just nice to talk about it and know others feel the same.

OP posts:

WhyAmISoCold · 18/12/2018 22:05

I'm the same OP. So far I've mainly had female doctors or been in theatre and unconscious so not aware of what the men were doing.

I've got a gynae appointment soon, and it won't involve an examination, but I still wanted to see a female, and asked to, but I've been told I have to see the male doctor I've been given, which I'm not thrilled about. If I have to make a GP appointment for anything that involves me vagina, I always book with a female.

I had a male when I had to have a follow up after a bad birth, there was a nurse present and actually it was fine. Although it wasn't my vagina so I didn't tense up which I would have done had it been.

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