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Original poster

Christmas and Autism

68 replies

Dothehappydance · 16/12/2018 22:28

I'll just start by saying it sucks big hairy balls.

DS (10) is totally off the wall, dd (12) had a couple of friends stop overnight and he just couldn't cope, everything was wrong, I think this was the breaking point rather than the cause. The shouting, the anger, the chucking of stuff, it is just endless. We keep it as low key as we can but I have two other children and they want to do things. I am struggling so much to deal with it all, especially as the 12 year old is being, well a 12yr old.

How's everyone else coping if they are on this road as well?

OP posts:

dUHcknotdOOk · 17/12/2018 19:22

Christmas with Autism....

Well that'll be ham fucking sandwiches for Christmas lunch then. Because you have ham sandwiches when you are at home and not at school. And not just any ham, that'll be the water thin ham the butcher sells. So that'll be me buying a kilo of it and freezing it down.

It'll also be presents and stocking fillers from the Santa list. We don't do surprises here. Any extra presents need to be pre negotiated.

It'll also be tea at 5pm, followed by the same programme on telly after tea. Then the bath. Then bed at 7pm.

What it won't be:

Fancy breakfasts
Christmas dinner at lunchtime
The Queens speech
Crackers that I haven't already pulled the banger out of.
Going to visit family who just don't get it.
Any mention of Santa coming into the house. Been there, done that and NOT repeating the experience.

School are exceptionally on the ball. For weeks they have been negotiating with the DC about the changes. Yes, it might be Christmas dinner day tomorrow but I know the cook will do him a special jacket potato and beans. And when the rest of the school are watching the Christmas pantomime tomorrow afternoon I know that him and another child with similar issues have been given the job of school official felt tip pen tester and sorter-outer. Sounds like a really shit job but for someone who loves order like he does it'll be a job made in heaven.

Original poster

Dothehappydance · 17/12/2018 21:59

Felt tip pen tester and sorter outer is quite a fantastic job, if I may say so myself. There is something quite satisfying in getting them all sorted. A very important job. (Hope he has as much fun as I would)

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PenguinPandas · 17/12/2018 22:04

Glad to hear there's another Elmo fan over 2 years old , mine has a teddy obsession. Though think DD maybe a secret admirer too - got Cookie Monster and Elmo as early Christmas presents (we do it over number of days one a day) and DD "doesn't want Cookie Monster" but Cookie Monster is now in her bed.

Mine loves pigs in blankets - ordered 12 from butchers and he's trying to negiotiate 10 for himself - cat won't be happy with only 2! He likes a roast so fine for the meal. He's tiny so not sure will be able to eat all those.

Just spending it here this year in our thatched cottage, he loves the thatched cottage, all the straw he loves to touch and low ceilings.

Interested in this thread?

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10 year olds 12 year olds

PenguinPandas · 17/12/2018 22:07

Does anyone else's struggle to make decisions? DS seems to get flustered with a decision to make and DH is similar and suspect maybe ASD himself. DH spends 3 days looking at hotels then decides he will go to same one as last time but for some reason needs to go through process everytime.

itscalledwineflu · 17/12/2018 22:10

My ds not interested or cares about Christmas. No interest in the Christmas tree , I have talked to him about Christmas nothing. I'm used to it now and we know he does enjoy it . In his own way. On Christmas Day he's not really interested in opening presents but he will , it was difficult finding things he will like but I've got a few things I'm hoping he will like . I really hope I get a big smile off him on Christmas morning he's non verbal so if he smiles I'll know he's happy , that's all I want for Christmas

Squidgee · 17/12/2018 22:11

This time of year is hell for kids with autism. So much change, in both environment and routine, excitement, bright lights, strange foods, decorations, presents, expectations of behaviour, people visiting...etc... its everything they hate and can't deal with.

My DS is 12 and never copes well. I kind of just let him do things his way. He's not forced to participate in anything, he's left to his own devices, and we make sure he has a private, quiet, safe space to retreat to where he isn't to be disturbed.

We dont go visiting to anyone who doesn't absolutely understand that and is happy to provide a safe/quiet space in their house.

Squidgee · 17/12/2018 22:21

Things are easier now he's at secondary school I must admit, primary school pre-Christmas is a nightmare... tbh, he used to spend most of it home with me for his MH and the school were happy as he just spent it in the calm room in meltdown otherwise.

They were really good, they didn't make him do anything or participate in the plays, parties, dress up days...etc, but it was a nightmare for him either way.

MovingNextYearHopefully · 17/12/2018 22:30

My kids, who both have ASD, (i have a ADHD & possibly ASD myself too) will be going to their dad's this year thankfully, so minimal stress due to the fact the youngest isnt speaking to her step dad or her sister. DH & I will be spending the day with my dad, who has un dx ADHD & possibly ASD himself.

We won't be going to any family because we've been ostracised due to their jealousy & lies. He made his annual visit to his mum today & she still wonders why everyone can't be friends despite the fact that her daughter told a bunch of lies about me (found out today she said i attacked her) which his mum knows is not true because she was there, but the deluded cow accepts the lies as fact. Bloody families!

missmapp · 17/12/2018 22:34

Younger sibling wanted to go to a Christmas event at a local castle on sunday, ds1 (asd) spent the whole time hiding from the 'character's ' in case they spoke to him.
It is so hard keeping both happy. At least ds1 thought it was funny that he had to hide !!

anniehm · 17/12/2018 22:38

I won't stand for her being unreasonable quite frankly. She shouts at her sister for doing normal stuff, mostly due to jealousy (she has few friends) and unless it's her choice won't join in - like a really stroppy child except she's an adult! I still send her to her room - if she lives in my house she follows my rules. Tomorrow meant to be having girls day out, already changed location because she read about the terrorism threat to Christmas markets but my money is on her refusing to come

HollySwift · 17/12/2018 22:41

DS1 (11) is actually coping amazingly well, he’s just started a new school too and is storming that. I’m very proud of him. He’s really working hard at self regulation despite a shit time of it recently.

DS2 has done well until this week but he’s flagging now. He and (NT) DD are undoubtably knackered after a very long term, but they’re also going right up to Friday, full day, so 4 left
He lost it completely today - shopping day at school, Santa showed up and they had 2 films shown. He was bouncing off the walls! I’m crossing my fingers for a tiny bit of routine tomorrow but not hopeful. He even has bloody Forest school on Thursday. That’ll be fun.

dUHcknotdOOk · 17/12/2018 23:42

Penguin.

Choice/decisions dont go down very well for two reasons.

2 things being asked to choose from. Both things are wanted. One gets picked but the other one is equally wanted. Cue a tantrum.

2 things are being asked to choose from. Except this means change and change isn't good. Cue the meltdown.

It's easier all around to not give a choice or ask him to make decisions. However as he quite probably has PDA traits if not full blown PDA communicating that to him can be interesting. He doesn't do demands either.

He's 5 and a half.

SpockPaperScissorsLizardRock · 18/12/2018 11:27

One good tip i heard re: decisions is to offer 2 choices so they feel they have control but make one something you know they don't like/want.

Works here most of the time!

snuggledonthesofa · 18/12/2018 11:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twinklz · 18/12/2018 16:49

Thanks for the explanation

PenguinPandas · 18/12/2018 18:04

Thanks very much, interesting to know others have this and hadn't heard of the two choices one they don't like though accidentally that worked other day when I suggested something knew he would hate.

LittleMy77 · 18/12/2018 19:21

thanks dUhck on the choice explanation - exactly what happens here and school are really struggling with it as 'it usually works!" everyone very frustrated as a result

spock i find it works the other way too! if its two choices and neither he particularly likes, he'll procrastinate for hours if we let him

Original poster

Dothehappydance · 21/12/2018 22:58

Well school has broken up, I came home 3hours after, and by all accounts it hadn't been pretty. I got it in the neck for various things - breathing mainly I think.

Let the fun begin.

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