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Original poster

Christmas and Autism

68 replies

Dothehappydance · 16/12/2018 22:28

I'll just start by saying it sucks big hairy balls.

DS (10) is totally off the wall, dd (12) had a couple of friends stop overnight and he just couldn't cope, everything was wrong, I think this was the breaking point rather than the cause. The shouting, the anger, the chucking of stuff, it is just endless. We keep it as low key as we can but I have two other children and they want to do things. I am struggling so much to deal with it all, especially as the 12 year old is being, well a 12yr old.

How's everyone else coping if they are on this road as well?

OP posts:
fleshmarketclose · 17/12/2018 08:34

Dd is currently out of school, last year she didn't go for the last two weeks of term either. Have to say without school added to the mix stress levels drop by 90% so all is good and calm here so far.

tccat · 17/12/2018 09:11

30 year old son, only diagnosed a couple of years ago, he lives in his own house and insists he's spending Xmas on his own
My heart is breaking at the thought of him sitting there all day on his own, he won't thank me for visiting either, unannounced visits generally don't go well

TimeIhadaNameChange · 17/12/2018 10:02

tccat - I know it's hard, but please stop worrying about your son. My mother's in the same place as you - I'm spending it on my own and she's so upset about it. But I am really, really looking forward to it. Far nicer for me to have the time to myself and not have to worry about other people. I really wasn't impressed that she invited herself to mine the last time I tried to do Christmas on my own. It might have made her feel better, but it meant I missed out on what should have been my perfect Christmas by having to keep her happy.

He will be fine, I'm sure.

Interested in this thread?

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10 year olds 12 year olds
Holymolymackerel · 17/12/2018 10:04

My ds 5 isn't at school this week. School wouldn't make any adjustments for him and hes now very anxious. School are being a crock of shit about everything at the moment.

SpockPaperScissorsLizardRock · 17/12/2018 10:56

DS(7) has regressed to being minimally verbal. There has also been a lot of lying on the floor. Not bad at home, bit of a problem when we're out and the ground is wet and cold.

We have cut trips out right down this year. I was feeling chilled. But there is now a nasty sick bug doing the rounds at school so i am super anxious now

tccat · 17/12/2018 11:04

TimeIhadanamechsnge, that's actually really helpful to see from another point of view, I think it's just the fact that he'll sit there all day on his own and play computer games that gets me, he'll have no Xmas at all and won't even acknowledge it, I feel desperately sad, for him and myself

vickibee · 17/12/2018 11:08

My Ds is 11 and he is very agitated at the moment, = erratic and unpredictable behaviour. His strimming has increased, lots of whistling and humming and fidgeting. It dos get on you nerves after a while. He seems to follow me around just to annoy me, enjoys tripping me up and various other attention seeking activities. Nightmare time in our house

knittedmouse · 17/12/2018 11:36

The most relaxing xmases I've had were when I was spending them alone. Autistic people often find xmas stressful and it's natural for us to want to completely detach. Don't be sad about your son, honestly he'll be fine. Xmas just isn't important to people like us. Obviously, I don't speak for all autistic people, but hating xmas is a common feature of autism.

RisingGround · 17/12/2018 13:31

Currently hiding in the kitchen because (D)D's autism is out of control. She is stimming constantly, tapping everything with a pencil or finger nail, singing the same line from the same fucking song over and over and fucking over. DH is trying to calm her down but it's not working.

Alwaysgreener · 17/12/2018 13:35

Flowers to all of you. Those with DCs at school, you've outlined the very reasons I decided to home ed my autistic 6 year old. School was just one bridge too far for us all to cope with and life has been soooo much easier since. Sending you all WineBrew and Cake!!

mumonashoestring · 17/12/2018 13:42

Oh fuck yes. DS is in full on Elves-invaded-my-brain mode and is doing a godawful squeaking stim, being so absent minded he needs minute-by-minute reminders of how to dress or spell, and getting excluded from school on almost a daily basis.

That's another kettle of cockroaches though - their 'adjustment' so far has involved shovelling him and the other autistic kids with self -control issues off into a small room together then looking all surprised and wounded when they don't all play nicely together Hmm

Original poster
Dothehappydance · 17/12/2018 13:55

Just done the school play, he was struggling by the end (had a reading part) and he needs to sit through the 2nd performance. He will be a joy to behold at hometime.

OP posts:
RisingGround · 17/12/2018 14:05

AlwaysGreener - we home educate too. This is what she's like at home Sad Dread to think what she'd be like at school - unbearable I imagine.

Gingerivy · 17/12/2018 14:33

We home ed too. My two with autism love Christmas - but only certain aspects of it. So we cater to that - enjoying what they an enjoy and avoiding what they don't.

NotCitrus · 17/12/2018 14:43

Ds coped really well with school this year - was in the crowd for Xmas play and joined in with most of the songs. Helps that the routine is similar each year so he knows what to expect, eg that a school 'party' at the end of term is 'rubbish'. He knows what his main present is so is looking forward to that and lots of chilling out watching TV. We are seeing the same people as usual, he will have exactly the same food as usual, and he can curl up with a book whenever he wants.

We've told everyone to give money if in doubt, as it means any meltdown over not getting something no-one knew he wanted can be channeled into "OK, you have money, let's order one then!"

May try a relaxed panto performance as there's one next to his favourite place to eat. Or not. Dn has ASD too, loves theatre but can't tolerate other people making noise, so can't take them to the same showing...

TatterdemalionAspie · 17/12/2018 14:57

Currently hiding in the kitchen because (D)D's autism is out of control. She is stimming constantly, tapping everything with a pencil or finger nail, singing the same line from the same fucking song over and over and fucking over. DH is trying to calm her down but it's not working.

That's not her autism being 'out of control', it's her autistic coping mechanisms. Maybe 'trying to calm her down' isn't working because she just needs peace to apply her own self-regulatory mechanisms (ie stimming).

TatterdemalionAspie · 17/12/2018 15:00

I think it's just the fact that he'll sit there all day on his own and play computer games that gets me, he'll have no Xmas at all and won't even acknowledge it, I feel desperately sad, for him and myself

It's yourself you're feeling sad for, @tccat - he'll be spending Christmas exactly as he wants to. Why does he have to conform to your idea of Christmas?

MorningsEleven · 17/12/2018 16:51

I'm lucky 😏 that my ASD one is in a special school and all the bullshit is minimised. But I have other kids who'd like a Christmas without mysphonia, meltdowns, a diet of 90% pasta and unfiltered comments about how shit everything is.

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 17/12/2018 17:00

We do what we can cope with, and leave what we can’t. Their bedrooms are deliberately not Christmassy, and they have wee hidey holes to escape to if needed. I do too (I’m autistic as well)!

Mostly it’s just realising that home has to be their safe place, where they can escape the changes in routine outside. That took me a while, but we got there.

Imnotacelebgetmeouttahere · 17/12/2018 17:09

Our 4 wirh autism are super excited but struggling in various ways

Eldest is outwardly coping well but Repeating questions about plans so I know he's anxious

6yr is hyperactive and stimming endlessly whilst asking 10000 questions a day and also reiterating that " I just chocolate sandwich lunch no meats"

5yr old is PDA. every days a nightmare bless her 😁

4yr old is happy but overhwmened by lights / noises

PenguinPandas · 17/12/2018 17:19

Thanks very much. SENCO is fine, its just the Headmistress. He totally refused school today and we don't know why - he was ready at 8am, packed his bag, dressed, packed Secret Santa then went to bathroom and refused to come out - like he remembered something happening today. At least we only have until Wed midday. Trouble is his attendance will now be just under 90% but that's as they keep sending him home and marking it as unauthorised as well as some school refusal. Hasn't refused for a couple of months. Is fine at home though was strange yesterday - was trying to get him to decide what to do for his birthday and he was saying no to everything and not suggesting anything and its really soon.

Asked him if he wanted me to decide and said no rejected paintballing, cinema, lasertag, spy mission, gaming, zoo, local trampoline place. So I said will need to have your party at Build-a-Bear as a joke then he said no but I want an Elmo party. Elmo as in Sesame Street but going to be 12. Looked it up and all the example parties are for 1 and 2 year olds. Still at least we know he loves Elmo and we are buying him a tickling Elmo tonight and ordered an Elmo cookie cutter from USA. We have a quiet Christmas now.

EggysMom · 17/12/2018 17:35

We only have the one child so we don't have to maintain normality for others, thank goodness!

  • Our tree would have no baubles if DS had his way, baubles are fun to dangle and the tree is a handy storage/dispenser unit for a replacement bauble when the tiny string on the first one breaks ...
  • DS displays no understanding of Christmas, has no sense of anticipation. We don't know if he understands why there is a tree in the house, or lights, or decorations.
  • He takes three days to open all his presents (or rather, for us to unwrap them for him). Once he has one new toy, that's enough to keep him happy for an hour or two, so he doesn't want another one.
  • No GP visiting, their homes just aren't designed for autistic children and its worse when they have precious decorations and ornaments. At least in summer, DS can escape into the garden.
EggysMom · 17/12/2018 17:37

My 9yo son would love to go to an Elmo party!

FlorencesHunger · 17/12/2018 18:28

Only got dg this year for autism and adhd and all the pieces fit together and now she is older she can say more of what's bothering.

She always appeared completely underwhelmed by christmas and always will be it seems. Opening presents is a bit much for her.
She doesn't understand the whole Christmas jumper days, Christmas themed charity stuff and refuses to take part.
Doesn't take part in school Christmas events.
I have to switch Christmas song off if they come on in the car.

Currently she's off school, think the change in routine has set her anxiety to new heights and she's ticking/stimming all over the shop.

Christmas is for Christmas day for her and anything leading up to that shouldn't happen.

KOKOagainandagain · 17/12/2018 18:53

Well, not popular, but we do our own thing now, irrespective of social norms.

Neither DS attends brick school. We have personal budgets for home tuition and internet school. I have found that this reduces the stress by 99%.

Presents are not given on the day but on the stress inducing run up. Just because. DS1 has been playing his Fender Jaguar guitar for weeks now and DS2 is playing on the PS4. All is calm. On the day it will be relaxed. Stocking fillers, requested food etc. Definitely no outings with social expectations.