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Original poster

How did you get back on an even keel after having a baby?

36 replies

KittenCamile · 16/12/2018 18:24

Any tips to help me get back to being even a little like my old organised less anxious self?

DS is 6 months and I’m tired, I can’t think straight, my house is full of piles of stuff (clean clothes, books ect) I’m lucky if I get a shower half the week & wash my hair even less.

How did you fit things in? How did you look after yourself while prioritising baby?

I have a very busy DH who has a very busy 10 yr old and no family or good friends near by so practically no help normally but with Christmas coming I might get a bit of time and want to use it well.

OP posts:
EssentialHummus · 16/12/2018 18:28

How is his sleep? Because that makes a big difference.

For me what improved things was instigating daddy time for DD every morning - ideally an hour but any amount helps. I use that time to shower/work/whatever. So I wake up with DD, but I wake DH around 7.30 to take her, and then he has breakfast and goes off to work.

I also do five minutes of something house/admin-y at the start of each nap, even if I spend the rest of the time faffing it makes a difference.

Tumilnaughts · 16/12/2018 18:34

I always took a shower, every morning, without fail. If that meant putting dd on a mat in bathroom with me or in the swing right outside the door with it open then that's what I did. It was quick and I rarely shaved my legs but being clean made a difference.
I also started to encourage my DH to take her for walks in the pram in the weekends so I could sleep/clean/eat or whatever I wanted to do. As she started weaning and eating really well he would bring her for toast at a local cafe just to give me an hour (or 2).
Normalcy will also come as they start to sleep more regularly. I've been lucky in that mine sleeps 7-7 so I've got time in the evening to do things. Maybe you could too?

Original poster
KittenCamile · 16/12/2018 18:37

He feeds to sleep and mainly naps on me (I know it’s not great but he didn’t use to sleep so I just did whatever worked for him) but is just starting to sleep heavily enough to put down so that would help.

Do most people put their babies down? Is that how you get things done? 😔

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Original poster
KittenCamile · 16/12/2018 18:40

DH isn’t really around much at the weekends as DSD has so many commitments now. Maybe I should be stronger and insist I get an hour to myself each weekend. I don’t want to take time away from her though

OP posts:
AppleKatie · 16/12/2018 18:40

Do most people put their babies down

Yes is the answer to this. Right now that feels impossible but it will get easier and you can crack it if/when you want too.

When I look back at the first 18 months of my DS’s life I realise how much sleep deprivation affected everything- sorting that out makes things better.

Easy to say but hard to do yes. But it’s so important.

Elllicam · 16/12/2018 18:45

I always found the jumperoo helped. Once they were old enough for it it gave them a tiny bit of independence (enough for me to get a drink and a seat anyway).

Ineedtonamechangenow · 16/12/2018 18:49

Around the six month mark I started feeding ds2 to sleep on a cot mattress on the floor and rolling away. It worked a treat. He was bloody awful in the early days

ViragoKnows · 16/12/2018 18:49

Take the baby into the bathroom, put them in their chair, and chat/sing to them while you have a bath and wash your hair.

ViragoKnows · 16/12/2018 18:50

(That was the only way I ever got clean at one point Grin )

NormHonal · 16/12/2018 18:52

I bought a cheap-and-cheerful bouncer chair that lived in the bathroom and the baby went in it whilst I had a quick shower and got dressed. I may have even had a second activity mat/baby gym mat thing upstairs with DC2. Definitely a mat of some kind and a small basket of toys to hand.

The jumperoo worked a treat with one child, not with the other.

It got much easier with both around the 9mo mark. Which will sound like ages away now, but will be with you in no time.

zozozoo · 16/12/2018 18:53

Bouncy chair while I take a shower and get dressed, laid down for naps wherever. For clingy/unsettled days a sling so I can easily do housework. Dp will take DD sometimes after a feed to give me a bit of space for a nap/run/whatever.

ChodeofChodeHall · 16/12/2018 18:53

Well, first of all, you are doing a great job: keep it up. I was like you, and things got easier as the baby grew. It's going to start getting a bit easier any day now.

Shazafied · 16/12/2018 18:54

Mine is 12 months and things just started getting easier ! A lot of this is to do with her sleeping through, and having a fairly predictable long lunchtime nap. She used to be a dreadful sleeper and I was a mess, my house was a mess ..... I’m still a bit of a mess but can at least think now x

hamburgers · 16/12/2018 18:58

At 6 months is your DS sitting unaided? Then you can plonk them on the floor surrounded by toys while you have a cup of tea and watch tv and read emails etc.

Try to get your DS to nap in his cot during the day. Those 2 hours of nap time at lunch are my saving grace!

scazlackabumdiyay · 16/12/2018 19:02

I used a travel cot and put the baby in it with toys and books which meant I could get things done. It's amazing what can be done in 15 mins.
It's a really difficult time so don't be too hard on yourself x

Original poster
KittenCamile · 16/12/2018 19:02

Thank you so much for all the ideas!

I think 6 months of very little sleep has hit me, I feel a bit of a wreck and can’t see how to get back. My hair has started falling out, I got thrush which I’ve never had before and my mind is so cloudy decision making is impossible.

I can totally do a mat in the bathroom while I shower, that’s something I can try tomorrow so a good start.

OP posts:
silkpyjamasallday · 16/12/2018 19:04

Well it sounds like you are getting no respite as your DH is prioritising the more rewarding, easier to look after older child. You need to insist he takes the baby out in the pram for a few hours at the weekend so you can do whatever you want to relax and decompress a bit. DP used to take DD out for hours so I could do a quick tidy, have a long pampering bath and maybe nap, she was well known in our local pub after a few months Grin

Don't beat yourself up about getting stuff done, I have a two year old and still struggle (as apparently she hates sleeping) it's hard with a baby. And even harder when you get no time to yourself

TheRealHousewifeofCheshire · 16/12/2018 19:05

Bucking the trend but my first napped in me for 13 months. I prepared with twa snacks and boxsets and enjoyed the quiet time. The second only ever cat naps so sleeps on me also now aged 6mo

Ceilingrose · 16/12/2018 22:33

Imagine he was your second or later baby. You'd have to put him down so you could look after the toddler. He'll be fine.My happiest, closest and most grounded young adult had toddler siblings as a baby, and was put down plenty.

Do one tidy up thing a day. Put him in a chair whilst you eat and shower. Have a coffee without holding him; he'll cope!!

Fantail · 17/12/2018 01:07

Hair falling out and cloudy mind are symptomatic of hypothyroidism as well.

I put mine down to lack of sleep when actually I needed medication!

halfwitpicker · 17/12/2018 01:32

Your DH needs to step-up at the weekend and give you a break. Forget all this having a shower with the baby in the room, you need a proper break at the weekends!

Caterina99 · 17/12/2018 02:27

Why is DH spending all weekend only with his DD? Does she stay with you every weekend? You need to spend some time as a family all together and he needs to take the baby out for a bit without you. His DD is 10 so it’s not like he won’t be able to manage the 2 kids. You need some down time!

Also agree with trying to work on getting your baby to nap in his cot. That really does save my sanity that I get that peace.

Original poster
KittenCamile · 17/12/2018 11:55

So I had a shower and washed my hair this morning with DS on his big changing mat in the bathroom, he was fine with that so a good start!

I am going to try and put him down more, he is sleeping better this last few weeks, I just haven’t wanted to risk him being over tired again as that’s so stressful. Maybe his sleep store is back up though.

We have my DSD every fri, sat, sun. She has one club on fri and two on sat so DH is out from 10am till 5.45pm on sat dealing with that. She also has parties and other events so leaves DH very little time for anything else. I use to work weekends so didn’t really notice till I started mat leave how busy her calendar is. DH also started a band when DS was a few weeks old so practices every 2 Sunday’s for 4 hrs.

I have no one else near by to help me. Thanks for all your tips and advice

OP posts:
GemmeFatale · 17/12/2018 12:13

There’s no reason baby can’t go with them when your DH is taking the older child out.

As for band practice, do you get 8 hours a month to spend on your hobby? And what about family time? Right now your husband doesn’t have time for band practice.

EssentialHummus · 17/12/2018 12:15

What gemme said!