How did you get back on an even keel after having a baby?

[KittenCamile]

Any tips to help me get back to being even a little like my old organised less anxious self?

DS is 6 months and I’m tired, I can’t think straight, my house is full of piles of stuff (clean clothes, books ect) I’m lucky if I get a shower half the week & wash my hair even less.

How did you fit things in? How did you look after yourself while prioritising baby?

I have a very busy DH who has a very busy 10 yr old and no family or good friends near by so practically no help normally but with Christmas coming I might get a bit of time and want to use it well.

I’m tired, I can’t think straight, my house is full of piles of stuff (clean clothes, books etc) I’m lucky if I get a shower half the week & wash my hair even less.

This is me also. I have a nine month old dd plus two older dds (the mess is escalated by my middle dd). Baby dd doesn't sleep (well wakes 2-3 times in the night plus doesn't settle until about 10 pm) meanwhile eldest dd (year 8) is wandering around until 8.30 pm = absolutely no evening. I crave peace and quiet and make the most of dd3's naps whilst eldest dds are at school. I haven't worked for sometime but I do have an engrossing hobby which keeps my mind active and is probably my saving grace. The shower thing, I have up until not used a baby bouncer but not sure what I'm going to do once dd is on the move - I think I will have to get up earlier and ask dh to look after dd, it makes such a difference if you at least feel clean.

As others have said, I think the even keel will come when dc sleeps through the night; I had pnd with first two dds (they starting sleeping through at 6 months) but not with third but I do know that sleep makes such a difference. I do get irritated by the mess etc. especially as nearly all of my friends have much older children and therefore less mess (I can't help but compare) it really doesn't make me feel as if I want to invite people round so I think I am existing in my own little bubble. DH works full-time and is supportive but he is the only support that I have - no extended family and no friends in the same boat, so I sympathise with you x

I started the NHS couch to 5k app when my LO was about 6 months old. I'd run when my DH got home from work and on a weekend morning. It's only half an hour, a few times a week, and it gave me the head space I needed to feel a bit more like myself.

I've never been into exercise of any type before and couldn't run to the end of the street when I started but now I do a park run most weekends and I love it! Maybe not the best at this time of year, with it being dark early and cold, but I'd definitely recommend it.

I might get flamed for this buuut a little time infront of tv.
Laid down on the floor/in swing etc

The colours keep them quite for a few little while.

Enough to get a brew and a meal down you or pots washed

My DD is 7 months so similar age. I have a few things sitting around for DD -high chair in dining room & kitchen, jumperoo in living room, bouncy chair in bathroom and one of those doorway bouncy things in bedroom door. It means I've always got somewhere to sit her if & can do bits throughout the day.

Also, if she starts whining (rather than crying) I either try to distract her with a new toy or move with her to another room to finish something else rather than picking her up.

I would also be inclined to speak to your DH about weekends. Can DD be dropped at clubs and collected rather than having him out all day? He also needs to drop the band practise until his home/family life has space for it!

Oo also meant to say, I bathe her in a tub in the kitchen sink, which she loves and I do the dw, clean kitchen and start supper while she's splashing around. It's a tub from John Lewis and supports them.

www.johnlewis.com/shnuggle-baby-bath-grey-stars/p3769758

Mine is my 2nd baby but your husband needs to look at his daughters schedule. He has two children now and needs to balance them both and spend equal time with both his children. Something had to give

It gets better! Usually once they get mobile, because they can follow you around under their own steam!

And by 18months DS was actually trying to help me, it was very cute! Trying to mop the floor, putting stuff in the washing machine etc. Not always stuff I wanted in the machine, but it’s the thought that counts

Sleep deprivation is awful, and affects everything.

Your dh has a pretty full on schedule with dsd. Can he take ds with him, giving you some free time, or scale back on the band?

I think he needs to support you more.

I'm assuming at 6m your DS can sit in his high chair? I used to bring mine into the living room & let him play with the keys in the patio door lock/play with a doing toy or spoons on his tray while I vacuumed, folded washing etc. He was higher up so we chatted while I did my jobs.

Watching you is both their entertainment and fabulous for their development, even more so if you chat as you go.

But as an aside... What is your DH thinking?! Starting a band with a newborn? Nope. As an absolute minimum he needs to give you a decent lie in at the weekend.

So much good advice here thank you. Lot of food for thought.

DS has a high chair and and bouncy chair thing so I can utilise those more. I think if I give myself say 10 mins in the morning and 10 mins in the afternoon to do a little tidy I won’t fell like I’m neglecting him and taking time away from him having fun.

Re DH and his band, I know it was a stupid time to start a band, I was a big to shell shocked by having just given birth to really protest.

DSD clubs are in the town her mum lives in not ours, she can be dropped off at her morning one but her afternoon one is a cooking class DH does with her.

I think I have to say to DH that Sunday’s should be family day and we need to avoid booking things on Sundays. Not sure it will go down well!

I'm really pleased you are finding ways forward. You don't have to be physically playing or engaging your baby all the time. I'd pop my ds in his high chair with some toys whilst I ran the vacuum round. He'd watch me and I chat to him. And at this ages babies should be put down so they learn to roll and move independently. Even in kitchen I had a blanket on the floor with toys whilst I cooked, did dishes.

Everything Will take much longer to do from now until they are much bigger. But as they grow you get them involved and that's how they learn. I taught my ds 8 to make a cuppa this year - felt like I'd made it as a parent!