Why do you think so many people have extreme anxiety these days?

[HarrySnotter]

I don't mean getting anxious about things that most people would, like a driving test or a new job, I mean things that are 'everyday' for most people.

I have a close friend who is really struggling with it at the moment. She's gone from being the life and soul of the party to barely being able to leave her house and it absolutely rules her life. I feel so incredibly sorry for her, it's an awful condition.

Do you think that anxiety is more prevalent these days or did it just go undiagnosed previously?

@madcatladyforever thank you! I'm 20 and definitely a basket case😩 (with diagnosed anxiety)👍🏻

@Butteredghost - wow! What an incredibly uninformed post. I am actually astounded that someone could hold the views that you do. You're not just being "horribly insensitive", you are factually incorrect and are making extremely damaging statements that make it even harder for those people who are truly suffering to reach out for help.

I have suffered horrendously with anxiety over the past ten years and never once has it been because I want to "avoid anything that makes (me) slightly uncomfortable." I absolutely hate the fact that anxiety took such a hold on my life - it ruined relationships with friends and family, made me miss many occasions I would have loved to attend and even cost me my job. Never once did I continue with my medically diagnosed mental health condition so I could have "friends and family falling over themselves to help and pay attention to (me), letting me off all responsibilities." And I can categorically state that 95% of people certainly do not feel exactly the same as I have done with my anxiety. Have you (or 95% of the population) ever sat in your car and seriously contemplated driving at high speed into a wall or off a bridge because you can't break the cycle of constant anxiety tearing your life apart? Have you (or 95% of the population) had to quit a job with no prospects of another job in the near future simply because it was quite simple quit or stop living?

Anxiety is certainly not just being nervous about social events like parties or even work. Anxiety takes over every aspect of your life in ways you can't even begin to imagine if you have never truly experienced it.

I think you really need to go out and educate yourself on what anxiety actually is before you make sweeping statements tearing down everyone who genuinely suffers from something that is well out of their control. I can guarantee there is no one out there suffering with anxiety who actually wants to - what a ridiculous idea!

"but what people with anxiety don't realise is that 95% of people feel the exact same way."

No 95% of the population do not feel the same way all the time that my son does. I do not believe they are living their lives at that level of scared.

Interesting. I have suffered badly from anxiety since my kids were born 9 years ago. I was always an anxious type and my mums family are all
similar. We have that tendency and when bad things happen we tip over the edge (infertility and loss in my case, bereavement in my mums).

In the past my mums family bottled it up and were described as highly strung or nervy and people made allowances.

I'm having a really really bad time with work stress which has triggered me appallingly atm. What I find hard is dealing with panic and constantly changing direction - there is being agile and there is dicking around like a clueless bunch of fools.

My boss gets really cross with me because he can't get that I feel I MUST stay late or take work away from my direct reports because they are stretched. He says to leave it/it's only work/it's not worth making myself ill over but he doesn't get that my brain is wired to hold on, obsess and have to fix. I genuinely wish I didn't care and could do that but I can't. Therefore mental wellbeing fucked again and I'm changing jobs to something duller but less intense because I am Just not resilient enough. Shame because I am bloody good at what I do.

Disagree, if you had any experience of mental health or working in mental health you would see that plenty of people spiral into debt and all sorts because they can't hold it together even if they need to and have no support.

Yes, sadly some people are like this but the vast majority are like OPs friend, completely normal lives and even described as "the life of the party".

I don't know but I do think it's more than a coincidence that we are all suddenly so anxious and hate doing things, at the exact moment in time not doing things is easier than ever. An example is the many young men in Japan (the "hikikomori") who are to shy and anxious to go out do anything, but stay inside and play video games. Isn't it a coincidence this disorder came about at the exact time video games did.

Another example is that now everyone says they are "too anxious" to answer the phone or make calls, we don't have to due to texts and email existing so we don't. In the past the only way to get things or speak to people was to pick up and make calls, so it was pointless having anxiety around it.

@beansonbread yes I have, everyone I know has. Life is fucking terrifying.

I think that, while there are undoubtedly new factors and pressures like social media, too much work etc, it's partly just that we're more aware now of conditions like anxiety and have a name and a diagnosis for it. As with hola's gran, I think a lot of people have struggledwith what we now know as mental illness over all of human history; we just haven't had the same names for and awareness of it so have known it as 'nerves’, 'hysteria', 'lunacy' etc. And I think people in the past were more pressured by society to keep quiet and just try to 'get on with it'.

@Butteredghost I don't mean a fleeting thought that passes through at the end of a bad day - I've had those when I've been well and because of that, I know the difference. I mean genuinely so terrified of every aspect of life, feeling so out of control that the only escape is not to have friends and family pandering to your every need (for what it's worth, I tried to push everyone away when I was at my most ill - the opposite of what you claim everyone with anxiety does) but to find a way to end your life. I find it hard to believe that "everyone" has literally been at the point of suicide. Until you experience a real mental health illness you will never understand.

Work wasn’t all that rosy for people in former decades, either.

My grandmothers were forced to leave school at 14 and work in factories despite being extremely intelligent. They couldn’t afford to go to university, very few women still did by the time my mum went. One worked from 6am-11pm running a shop while raising small kids. My mum, who did go to university, said her options upon leaving were essentially teaching or social work. She opted for the former but was forced to give up for eight years to have young children because maternity leave didn’t exist.

I wonder if boredom had a function we didn’t know about, ie letting the brain calm down. Remember the boredom of waiting for a train/bus/your mum/your kids/the kettle to boil? Now we are constantly getting diversion / stimulation from our phones, we literally never switch off. I mean I remember with horror the days of sitting on a train station with nowt to do and no train for a half hour... nothing to do but stare into space, so borrrrring. But neurologically very good for us?

Buttered has a very good point I struggle with anxiety and agoraphobia but as a self employed single parent I had to get up every day and get on with it. My married dsis has similar neuroses (sp?) but lived close enough for my parents that she could, and I know it's an awful word but I can't think of a better one , indulge in it. My life can be very hard but I prefer it. This isn't true of everyone but is one factor in the increase in numbers of sufferers imo.

I think some of it is choices. There are too many choices about everything and although the Internet and modern media have changed so many things for the better, they have also made people much more aware of what the alternatives are to everything, as well as making it easy to compare your life with those of others.

And with choice comes responsibility to make the right choice about everything. There is no excuse for getting it wrong because you had all this information at your fingertips.

So for those who are naturally more disposed to an anxious or worrying nature, it is easier than at any point in history for this to spiral and affect every aspect of their lives from dietary choices, health choices, exercise (what, when and how often/how much), careers, partners, whether and when to have children, where to live, where to educate those children...and it can be exhausting.

It is also very easy to get bogged down in the smaller choices (what to eat for breakfast, say, because you should be eating a protein heavy diet but you want a cereal bar) in such a way that bigger life decisions seem overwhelming.

This is just my personal opinion and I know anxiety has many complex origins. But I do have medically diagnosed anxiety myself and this is a key aspect of modern life that I feel exacerbates my own anxiety.

Fatpatsthong - you are talking like you have no choice but to stay late/finish things off, but you do have a choice. Leaving on time will cause a feeling of discomfort yes, but it will be transient and fade over time.

Surely it's better to work on your anxiety than it is to leave a job you like and are good at?

Avoidance makes anxiety worse, that is a fact.

Oh, and yes, I agree there is far less stigma and more openness now about anxiety. I would not say there was necessarily more understanding - I think it still falls under the heading of what some people lacking in empathy might consider to be "pull yourself together" conditions. It is easy to not understand how debilitating this kind of thing can be if you haven't experienced it.

I heard something recently on the radio about cortisol levels being increased in people due to the stresses of modern life and at raised levels for far longer than ever before. That makes sense to me. Some people are more able to deal with this than others, whether physiologically or psychologically or both.

I wonder if boredom had a function we didn’t know about, ie letting the brain calm down

Wow! you could on to something here!

So is anxiety - in the extreme rather than the every day - a physical sensation or a succession of terrible thoughts that never end or a replaying if worst case scenarios or all/some of the above. If not, what is it that you feel/think/experience and what differentiates it from depression?

I'm 60, and honestly there was just so much less tension and uncertainty 35-40 years ago!

Finding a job was easier, and if you couldn't find one chances are a family member somewhere had an 'in' with their employer. The SAHM/WOHM conundrum was much less, well, bitchy. No one was blasting the invalidity of either choice over SM. If someone had something to say about your decision, you generally didn't hear about it as it was just 'over the back fence gossip'.

Life was less 'in your face' 24/7 showing you how you were doing it wrong and 'they' were doing it right. And there was no way for someone to plaster their bullshit 'perfect life' all over God's green Earth and insinuate that anyone could be as perfect as they are. SM is the curse of the 21st Century. Back 'in my day' the only people who knew about your 'mess ups' were your nearest and dearest. This was especially true with parenting. If you did something stupid with your DC, you called your mum or your BFF and cried it out with them. No one splashed it all over SM (or an anonymous forum).

And no one expected any of us to be perfect.

I’m not sure I buy this idea that our lives are any tougher or that we work more than previous generations: My grandmother worked 10 hour days in a factory and raised six children with no modern appliances to cook and clean and wash. In comparison, most of us have more leisure time and less to do than our grandparents and great grandparents did. Social media and peer pressure definitely plays a part in reflecting our insecurities but in terms of the hardness of life causing anxiety, perhaps it’s the opposite, that we just have the capacity nowadays to dwell on our anxieties because day to day life isn’t just about trying to survive and get everything done.

I think my son's anxiety is like the feeling you get if you think your child is about to run into the road but feeling like that about dozens of situations, so many that it is very hard to avoid that feeling.

I don't have all the answers, but I do know that I have been in an anxious spiral since a small incident on Friday night that has spiralled in my head to a huge deal. I've had a constant adrenaline rush since then, haven't really slept and am exhausted. I know I need time off but also can't take it as it's the run up to Christmas (which I'm terrified of ruining for my kids) and I work alone. It's a combination of mental and physical. I can't stop replaying incidents which in turn is cranking up my heart rate. I'm just a big fuck up. I've had CBT, I have been medicated in th past but I'm not now. If I start on meds now I will be too sedated to give my children a nice Christmas. I'm not expecting anyone to rush in and save me. I have responsibilities and this is not how I want to feel. Depression to me feels different. It's a black mood that never lifts. Both are awful. And I'm so sick of thinking I've beaten them to being back to square one over a small thing a 'normal' person would have forgotten about.

What beansonbread said.

Anxiety and especially social anxiety runs in my family and I was emotionally abused as a child.

The result is that although I can fake being ok in some circumstances, I have crippling social anxiety. I can manage casual two-minute conversations at work because I have something obvious in common with those people but dealing with strangers in other situations is terrifying: buying things in shops, filling up the car —because I can meet someone 100 times and still not be able to make small talk with them and so come across as petrified and/or horribly unfriendly.

One or two things get easier with repetition, others get worse, because it's expected that you get more comfortable with people the more often you see them. But when you still can't think of a single thing to say to them after literally years it looks weird, so it gets worse.

Of course anything more than casual acquaintance is out of the question. Even if I can fake "normal" for a while I'm terrified people will find out the truth, and start-up friendships run out of steam.

My life is lived in white-knuckle fear most of the time and to suggest it's an attention-seeking measure would be laughable if it weren't so wrong-headed and ignorant and plain mean.

I don't know anyone to "coddle" me, even most of my family just think I'm aloof or snobbish.
I was an academic high-achiever but because I had absolutely no self-confidence and couldn't network or project confidence in interviews or "sell myself" I didn't aim as high as I could have and now have money worries. Of course I was a sitting duck for abusive men and have been alone for 16 years since my last relationship broke up. I don't know any straight single men and there's no way I could survive OLD even if I were an appealing age and in a suitable location.

There are a few things I have to do that I force myself to do because there would be dire consequences if I didn't, or it would mean letting someone else down (mostly my DCs) or confessing to them that I''m too frightened to do it.

But the things I need to do/would like to do just for me — going to a party (if I ever get invited to one) — or going to the dentist or for a Pap smear or going for a haircut or a manicure —I just don't and can't do. It's going to have awful health consequences one day. It's horrible. My DCs are the sole reason I'm still here.

Other people may have deep anxiety about particular things, eg public speaking or flying, but when it's about something as basic to human life as getting along with other people it makes life a living hell.

Nobody would choose to live like this.

Yes that's what I mean InfiniteSheldon, it's one factor - obviously not for everyone. Some people do really suffer, on the other hand plenty of people post on here about their "extreme" anxiety, which they have diagnosed themselves with as they "don't like answering the phone" and dont like talking to their boss. This is a very far cry from being suicidal. Yes I do think in the past this type of person would have just pulled themselves together.

I’m not sure. I think it’s a combination of factors. However I do think life was more simple when I was growing up in the ‘70s and often think my children would have had a happier upbringing in that era.

LesserofTwoWeevils I'm sorry you suffer, but honestly all the things you mention are normal - not handling job interviews, meeting someone 100 times and not being able to make small talk, hating appointments. You kind of prove my point because you say you are able to force yourself to do things if you have too, for your DC. Exactly. People somehow find a way to do the things they have to, and don't do the things they don't have to. These days the internet allows us to avoid a lot.