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Original poster

Would you be comfortable with this?

67 replies

VeniceBitch · 15/12/2018 19:26

If your boyfriend (of only a few months) said that he was going for a drink with a girl he met on tinder and used to date - would you be OK with this? They never slept together but were/are obviously attracted to each other and got on well.

OP posts:
Aintnon · 15/12/2018 20:01

No.

Ask if you can come?

Original poster
VeniceBitch · 15/12/2018 20:29

Ha, I don't think I'm invited.

OP posts:
gettofuckthrees · 15/12/2018 20:33

Bold as brass.

Get him to fuck.

Find someone nicer.

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LookImAHooman · 15/12/2018 20:37

For context - I go out for dinner solo with an ex when he’s in town (obviously because our spouses are ok with it). One of DH’s exes has stayed comfortably in our social circle.

Would either of us be remotely ok with the other behaving as your bf is? Fuck no. Sorry, OP. Boot time.

Original poster
VeniceBitch · 17/12/2018 17:53

So tonight is the night. I'm supposed to sit here feeling comfortable with the fact that he's essentially going on a date. However he's saying it's a drink with a friend. Hmm

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 17/12/2018 17:55

I'd tell him to enjoy it as he's now essentially single

Original poster
VeniceBitch · 17/12/2018 17:59

How can this woman be OK with going out with another woman's boyfriend? I know it's not her who's in the wrong as she's (presumably) single but wtf?

OP posts:
Simonsaysitschristmas · 17/12/2018 17:59

That is outrageous! I don’t know anyone who has kept in contact with anyone from tinder once they have entered a relationship. You deserve better OP.

sparklepops123 · 17/12/2018 18:01

Have you told him you’re not happy about it and he’s still gone ?

katseyes7 · 17/12/2018 18:06

He's a cheeky bastard and he's expecting you just to lie down and let him wipe his feet on you. Sack him off now.

Original poster
VeniceBitch · 17/12/2018 18:09

I tried to play it cool and not act jealous or crazy but he knows how I feel. He just sees it as though he's going for a catch up with an old friend.

OP posts:
PenguindreamsofDraco · 17/12/2018 18:10

Forget whether we'd be ok with it. You're not. Your boundaries are valid. You've expressed them and he's ignored them. If you carry on in the relationship he will know you're sufficiently desperate to keep him that you'll take this.
Over to you. Are you?

Bombardier25966 · 17/12/2018 18:10

I have platonic friendships with men I met on OLD including Tinder. My partner doesn't have an issue with it because he trusts me.

Is this part of a bigger issue OP?

Original poster
VeniceBitch · 17/12/2018 18:14

He's never given me any reason not to trust him so this is just bizarre. It's completely out of the blue. I'm definitely not ok with it but I am quite a jealous person. Tonight is going to be tough.

OP posts:
KittyLikesMagic · 17/12/2018 18:15

It's not an "old friend" though is it, he's "known" her a year, dated her a bit, then broke up. I wouldn't be OK with it, and I wouldn't be pretending to be cool with it either.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 17/12/2018 18:17

Kitty beat me to it. She's not an old friend! He dated her and he thinks he can still date her. Don't be a mug OP. Bin him off.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 17/12/2018 18:18

If he had any thought for your feelings, he wouldn't be going.

BiscuitDrama · 17/12/2018 18:20

If it’s an old friend, then it would be nice for you to go too?

lilmishap · 17/12/2018 18:24

He met her from Tinder because he wanted to sleep with her but for some reason he didn't get to sleep with her (?) now he's in a relationship with you he's arranged to meet her and gone to do that.....??????

No one would be comfortable with this.

Rednaxela · 17/12/2018 18:27

He's softening you up OP. First this .. and then if you stay committed to him there will be something else, then something else and give it 12 months you'll be on here asking for advice how to deal with finding dick pics on his phone!

ShinyPinkLipgloss · 17/12/2018 18:31

I’m guessing he is uncomfortable with your make friends and this is his way of making a point.

Either that or he’s simply playing mind games/ fancy’s some bedroom action with this woman.

Regardless, he’s not worth wondering about.

Get rid and you’ll be happier for it.

ShinyPinkLipgloss · 17/12/2018 18:31

Male*. (Not make!)

Somersetlady · 17/12/2018 18:32

—How can this woman be OK with going out with another woman's boyfriend? I know it's not her who's in the wrong as she's (presumably) single but wtf?—

^^
Do you know OP I am totally comfortable going out with’other peoples boyfriends’ and have no romantic interest in them nor they in me.

If I no longer saw men I knew just because they now had a girlfriend that would mean I would have no male friends left.

SheldonandPenny · 17/12/2018 18:34

I agree with Red. If he's acting thus way now, it'll only get worse later. I'd tell him that you aren't comfortable with open relationships and that if he goes for drinks with other women, just the two of them, then this is a date and you are officially over. Don't threaten, just end it. Be strong. It's over. "I didn't realise this was your attitude relationships. We aren't compatible. You and I are over." No debate, no discussion. Then you can't be accused of being manipulative or needy. Walk away now with dignity. You'll be well rid!

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 17/12/2018 18:42

He is hiding in plain sight. Dump his sorry ass.