Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

did You marry the love of your life?

71 replies

FleeceDetective · 15/12/2018 17:37

After reading on a few different threads some people can belittle the significance of a relationship because of how long it lasted or for not being married/having children.

It got me to thinking that for myself the most significant relationship I’ve had barely got started in an official way, and would seem like barely a fling for a lot of people, but to me it meant and still does mean a lot in shaping who I am and my life experiences.

I wonder if this is true for other people, is your most significant ex your longest relationship?

OP posts:

norfolkandchanceyou · 15/12/2018 22:43

Yes I did. Together during school and teens up till he was 21 and I was 17. He wanted to get engaged but I had just started and working so wanted to enjoy life first so I dumped him. I didn't really want too but I didn't want to get tied down so young. He married and quickly divorced someone else and we got back together when I was 30. Had two children over 6 years and he left me for someone else. He grew up to be a different person from what he was years ago. I'm glad we parted

Lineofbeauty · 15/12/2018 22:44

This is fascinating... reading with interest.

drspouse · 15/12/2018 22:45

I thought I'd met the LOML when I was 19 but clearly had a lucky escape.
I'm now married to my rock and equal and very happy.

Knowivedonewrong · 15/12/2018 22:51

Yes. Been together over 30 years, married for 25. We've had some tough times, I've been a shit to him at times. He sometimes does my nut in, but I couldn't be without him.

LettuceP · 15/12/2018 22:57

No I don't think so. I do love him and I am happy but I'd be more concerned about the logistics of divorcing/setting up on my own/co-parenting than I would about being without him if we split up. I don't see us together forever, whenever I daydream about the distant future I'm either single or with someone else.

Quite sad I suppose when I think about it but like I said I am happy.

TigerDroveAgain · 15/12/2018 23:05

Yes. It was complicated because I met him one week before I married someone else. We clicked immediately but like a fool I went through with the marriage.

That was 35 years ago. We’ve been together in spirit and later as a couple ever since. I left my exH (who was abusive) after 10 years of trying to stick it out.

I can’t imagine a day without him

FlamingoMingo · 15/12/2018 23:07

Yes absolutely. We make a good team and both pull our weight equally in contributing to our life together and our family. We've been together 11 years, married for 7 and have dealt with difficult and tough situations together. However, I like to think that if he was to die (morbid I know) that I would meet someone else who would make me equally happy albeit in a different way.

flowertoday · 15/12/2018 23:12

No, I regret that I didn't. I was too young and too scared. I still think about him all the time. But that said at the time I felt that it would be a complete disaster, and I might have been right.

I married a lovely man though, he is very kind and a great dad. I am very lucky.

I think we can all love more than one person, but I know the love of my life is the one I let go of.

ALemonyPea · 15/12/2018 23:16

Yes, we have been together 22 years now, and although he can be annoying at times, I couldn't be without him.

OrangeFluff · 15/12/2018 23:37

No, I married my ExH because we had been together a number of years and it just felt like the logical next step. We were together for 10 years in total, but I never really felt overwelming love for him, or for any of my previous boyfriends before him, including 2 LTRs. I liked them and fancied them, so I just thought that was how "love" felt.

I've since met my current boyfriend, and its a revelation. I finally know how it feels to be madly in love. Its a completely different feeling to how I've ever felt in a relationship before. He feels like home. He most definitely is "the one" for me!

Keeoe · 16/12/2018 00:25

I was married to the love of my life and then fucked it up so badly. I'm now married to someone else and I love him so much but he's not the same as 'the one'. I dream about the him and am still in touch (we share a daughter) and would love to be back with him, however it will never happen. I think it's a case of love the one you're with. I still miss him every day however :-(

knittedjest · 16/12/2018 00:27

No. My marriage started out very much for convince. We went from being casual friends who ran in the same group but never really hung out together to being engaged over a two hour late night trip to McDonalds. It was completely logical. He had something I wanted, I was willing to give him something he wanted. So we made an agreement. The love has grown over the years after we got married and 31 years later I am very happy with that choice and wouldn't be with anybody else.

I'm not sure if I believe in bring in love as such. You can love someone deeply but I don't think you can be in love with someone. I think it's just lust. Which is why so many of those relationships fail. Once the lust fades and reality sets in what's left? You just get frustrated with one another. You read dozens of threads like that everyday here.

CollyWombles · 16/12/2018 00:39

I didn't marry the love of my life. The love of my life was mentally abusive and I ended up a shell of the person I was. Nearly admitted to a psych hospital. It was a very unhealthy relationship that left me with a scarred wrist and a crisis team for a year. I would have done pretty much anything for him. The worse he treated me the harder I tried to please him. It took the mental health team nearly six months to convince me he had been mentally abusing me for five years, I just couldn't accept it. Before him I was a strong, confident woman and even friends and family couldn't believe anyone could break me down like that.

I married my DH three years ago. He is not perfect, he is a recovering alcoholic that's trying very hard. He doesn't have a bad bone in his body, treats my children as his own, spoils me rotten in running baths and making cups of coffee. I work, he does most of the housework and actually enjoys it. I love him in a healthy way, a realistic kind of love. Much more worthwhile.

ScreamingValenta · 16/12/2018 00:50

I don't think 'the love of my life' exists other than in my fantasies.

rainbowlou · 16/12/2018 01:02

I thought I had, he was absolutely everything to me..then he cheated and completely broke my heart.

I don’t think I’d ever open myself up to another person again so I don’t know if the ‘love of my life’ will ever exist now

TheChristmasBear · 16/12/2018 01:04

Yes and No.

He wasn’t the love of my life at the point we got married. I’d had a pretty intense on-off over my twenties with someone. Most of our friends thought we’d end up together once we’d gotten our careers established and actually ended up in the same city.

But I come to realize that if we meant enough to one another we’d have managed to be in the same place somehow or another. There was a lot of shared history to let go of though and a decade is a long time.

DH and I married after about 18 months together. We didn’t have that intensity of time and experience together at the time we got married. But we do now, and it’s a much deeper and more complete love than I’ve ever felt before.

Racecardriver · 16/12/2018 01:11

I married the only man I ever loved. Would I have loved others if I hadn’t married him? Would I have loved them as much? probably not. When I met him I quickly realised that if I was ever going to love anyone completely it would be him. The chances of meeting another man who suited me so well were very slim. Ultimately I married him because I could see myself in ten to twenty years time married to someone else wonderful with children etc wondering about what happened to him wishing that I was waking up essay day next to him instead.

SinisterBumFacedCat · 16/12/2018 01:16

Yes. I couldn't marry someone if my whole heart wasn't in it. Wouldn't be fair on either of us.

bananasandwicheseveryday · 16/12/2018 01:51

Yes. Met over 40 years ago. Knew within a few weeks that he was 'the one', married a couple of years later and other than unavoidable occasions, such as being in hospital, have probably spent fewer than two weeks worth of nights away from each other - a night or two spent with our mums after each of our dads died, the odd overnight work event and a few days taking our dcs to visit family during school holidays. As someone else upthread said, neither of us is perfect but we work, we've been through a lot over those years and have each supported the other at various times. We've seen each other at our most vulnerable moments and yet there are times when my tummy still flips when I catch his eye from across the room. We make each other better people.

EvenLess · 16/12/2018 11:10

Yes. Together 11 years and married for almost 3. Things haven't always been easy and there have been times when I haven't been sure we'd work through stuff but most of the time we work well together, make each other laugh and there's no-one I'd rather spend time with. I love him very much and know that he loves me.

TitsNnails · 16/12/2018 11:15

Absolutely. 23 years on and he still gives me butterflies in my tummy. No one on the planet could make me feel like he does.

Flip

1 2 3