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Original poster

I’m so incredibly sad- is there anything that cheers you up that I can attempt.

42 replies

lunchTimeLeopard · 13/12/2018 19:25

NC for my own privacy.

I’m very tearful and feel like everything is shit and overwhelming

I’ll skim but really don’t want to go into detail other than to say it feels like my domestic arrangement is horrid. I had plans to leave a cheating scumbag of a husband which have been slightly derailed

My dc are a bit older and detaching from me (to be expected I know)

I’m dreading Christmas so much.

I’m sorry to be a happy air thief

I’m reallt looking forward to just walking away from my sham of a marriage. I’m so empty inside. I’ve tried my best to hide my sorrow and be the. Best mum but I’ve had serious thoughts about getting on a Train and just leaving everything behind 😢

My doctors are awful- so please don’t ask me to see them.

Is there anything that might bring me a bit of joy?

Thanks so much for reading.

OP posts:
SirVixofVixHall · 13/12/2018 19:27

Well leaving the husband would be the main thing.
What is stopping you, is it finances ?

Snowwontbelong · 13/12/2018 19:32

I was in a similar boat. I confided all to a real life friend. Only had to explain it once and she always knew how I was feeling after that. She supported me without being judgemental when I had tough decisions to make. Truly did save my mh.
Ten years on and life has been great for over 6 years and twat exh a distant bad dream.
Make yourself a little bucket list for 2019.
And take care of yourself op.

Iloveautumnleaves · 13/12/2018 19:35

Why has your plan to leave been derailed?

Iloveautumnleaves · 13/12/2018 19:36

I should have said ‘how’, not ‘why’ sorry, just shattered

LavenderBush · 13/12/2018 19:37

Have a nice hot bath and a cup of tea (or similar). Then put on perfume and go to bed an hour earlier than usual with something good to read.

OK, this is obviously not a long term fix, but will hopefully make you feel better today (and tomorrow).

Original poster
lunchTimeLeopard · 13/12/2018 19:41

It’s been derailed as my escape house is not available until April- I’ve been planning for a long time

I don’t know how I will get through xmas.

Kids will have everything material their dad can pay them off with- and then be his usual
Shit father self- sleep for most of xmas day on the sofa whilst I do EVERYTHING- pretty much like every day.

I’m so broken. That’s the only way to describe how I feel.

I told a friend a few years ago and her Dh blabbed to my husband making things hard for me.

I trust nobody. Pretty sad but in the cold light of day that’s how it is.

OP posts:
Original poster
lunchTimeLeopard · 13/12/2018 19:42

I don’t sleep Lavender

Going to bed early will do nothing other than give me backache. Better off just working through it.

OP posts:
Flashingbeacon · 13/12/2018 19:43

I understand being trapped and drs can’t help when you have a practical problem.
I am the least qualified person to give life advice so I’m not going to do that. In the immediate tonight though, I’d say don’t try and block the feelings. Steer into the sad. Put on a sad film and let the tears come. You’re in a bad way and I don’t think keeping it all in is good. Things will be the same tomorrow but you will have physically expressed you’re feelings so can temporarily move on. Sounds silly, might not work but when I hold things in too long I feel much much worse.

OurChristmasMiracle · 13/12/2018 19:45

Your escape house is available in April. Rather than looking at how long that is, think of how far you have already come! I know people say “don’t look back” but please do. Think about how much you’ve already put in order.

Think about being able to get up in your own home away from him

You’ve come so far already. 1 more Christmas. And then you are free to start over.

sunsalutations · 13/12/2018 19:45

If I'm feeling crap, I put my headphones and walk round the house doing my chores with upbeat music on. It helps me and it shuts out whatever nonsense around me that is winding me up.

BertieBotts · 13/12/2018 19:46

Do you have a dog shelter near you? You could volunteer to go and walk some dogs. They love the walks and the human contact, it gets you out in the fresh air. A dog will listen to anything you have to say without judging and it's hard to be sad while watching something jump around and snap at its own tail. If you're inexperienced with dogs, they'll give you ones without behaviour issues. Cuddling /stroking pets is good for stress as well.

barleyreed · 13/12/2018 19:48

Oh OP, this sounds so hard for you. Could you start planning things for your new escape house? Even just ideas of things you might buy or paint colour charts or something to focus on ready to count down to escaping? Thanks

NecklessMumster · 13/12/2018 19:49

This time next year..your next Christmas will be very different..tell yourself this is the last time you'll go through this and you're so much further than last Christmas

strawberrypenguin · 13/12/2018 19:50

Put together a Pinterest board of lovely things for your new house.

Read a light book. May I recommend Janet Evanovich's Stephanie Plum series.

Bake some cakes (and eat them!)

Go for a walk and look at all the Christmas lights that are up.

Sorry you're feeling so low at the moment. I hope things turn round for you soon

OneStepMoreFun · 13/12/2018 19:59

Hi
Sorry you are feeling so down.
Here's what I'd do in your situation to cheer myself up:
Get a laptop or notebook and open up a private blog or Pinterest page in which you start planning your new life. Make lists of things you intend to do, goals (however tiny) you intend to achieve, decor you might want in the new house, training or learning you might want to undergo. Just have an online place that is password protected and is a sanctuary dedicated to your new life. You can add links to pages that inspire you - anything from new clothes and haircuts to newly single women's bucket lists and blogs, to advice on retraining, finance, holidays. Your design.

This will help you focus on the future.
Meanwhile, aim to make your current life as stress free as possible. Play upbeat music, watch comedies, have fun with your DC, even in short bursts. Keep food and home prep at Christmas really simple but still festive. If no one helps, then stuff doesn't get done. But there's no reason why you can't assign jobs to DC and make them fun - someone in charge of decorating and laying the table, someone else in charge of prepping the veg etc.

Get throwaway roasting tins so you're not scrubbing fatty burnt pans on Christmas Day. And get outside for some fresh air.

Do DC know you are leaving? Can you discuss it with them in calm terms, and chat to them about the new arrangements. You'll feel stabler if you know they are as happy as possible about the change in circumstances.

Kezzie200 · 13/12/2018 20:06

Minimum hassle Christmas. No big boney turkey. A crown or rolled breast. Carrots. Peas. Gravy. Pigs in blankets. Buy a christmas pudding and cream. Buy 6 mince pies and an aldi cake. All nice and easy! Sod them if they arent going to help.

April is soooo close now. Especially once January arrives.

Love the idea of writing a blog. Do it on here if you dont want it public.

HTKS · 13/12/2018 20:12

I would want to spend some time by myself somewhere warm, clean and comfortable. I'd book a hotel break sometime in January, midweek can be very cheap off season. I'd get a massage, have a mooch round a new town, have a cream tea, drink wine in bed watching movies. I would really look forward to that.

Snowwontbelong · 13/12/2018 20:23

I also had to get past Christmas before I left. May 5 th to be exact. I moved into the conservatory and kept it locked. Bloody freezing and had a tiny dc in with me but was helpful to know he was nowhere near me.
I made lists of things I would be getting for my new house. Even bought some bits and stashed them!
Weekly countdown in my head.
You can do it op.
And you will be more than fine.

SirVixofVixHall · 13/12/2018 20:30

Op are you afraid of your husband ? Because it sounds as though you are.

Lottapianos · 13/12/2018 20:36

'I'd say don’t try and block the feelings. Steer into the sad. Put on a sad film and let the tears come. You’re in a bad way and I don’t think keeping it all in is good'

Excellent advice. You're sad OP because you're in a sad and frustrating situation. Your feelings are normal and healthy. I know there will be times when you have to keep it all together but you need to have times when you can let it all out or you will go crazy. We're listening if you don't have anyone to confide in real life

Flashingbeacon · 13/12/2018 20:43

Thanks Lottapianos that’s much more eloquent than what I said. You’re sad because it’s a sad situation.

OneStepMoreFun · 13/12/2018 20:46

@flashingbeacon - that's really interesting. I've always thought it's better to watch upbeat stuff when I'm down, to try and cheer up. But you think a good sad film will help let the feelings out instead of them staying stuck? Might try that.

Flashingbeacon · 13/12/2018 20:51

I am no expert, I’m probably totally wrong. But I think it depends. if your a bit down for no real reason then yeah music and comedy films. If something bad or sad has happened you shouldn’t deny that feeling. It’ll come out eventually in other ways. Not very British stiff upper lip but probably people just cry in private. Try to avoid alcohol though but lots of non alcoholic drinks to avoid a headache. I dunno probably a hundred drs will come along and say it’s the worst plan

Kismetjayn · 13/12/2018 20:53

I do that. It took some learning that when things are shit, it's healthy to feel unhappy about it. Forcing yourself to be happy is denying your emotions & suppressing them.

When I am sad, I sit with my cat and a cup of tea and The Secret Garden and let myself feel sad. Then when you're ready you can be optimistic again.

prettywhiteguitar · 13/12/2018 20:54

I had an annus horribilis, I used rose oil and frankincense. I let myself cry A LOT - and lots of people say dont drink, but I needed it. The aromatherapy really helped and actually I still use both of them now and it doesn’t remind me of that time and still makes me feel better !

Are the children helpful at all ?