I’m so incredibly sad- is there anything that cheers you up that I can attempt.

[lunchTimeLeopard]

NC for my own privacy.

I’m very tearful and feel like everything is shit and overwhelming

I’ll skim but really don’t want to go into detail other than to say it feels like my domestic arrangement is horrid. I had plans to leave a cheating scumbag of a husband which have been slightly derailed

My dc are a bit older and detaching from me (to be expected I know)

I’m dreading Christmas so much.

I’m sorry to be a happy air thief

I’m reallt looking forward to just walking away from my sham of a marriage. I’m so empty inside. I’ve tried my best to hide my sorrow and be the. Best mum but I’ve had serious thoughts about getting on a Train and just leaving everything behind 😢

My doctors are awful- so please don’t ask me to see them.

Is there anything that might bring me a bit of joy?

Thanks so much for reading.

If you aren’t in danger, or afraid, then i would say to hunker down, like a bulb, through the Winter, focus on Spring coming. Spring is the most perfect time to start a new life.
Plan in your mind what you will do when you are able to move, and rest up and do small cheering things in the interim. I find getting outside helps, just having a hot drink in the garden, watching the birds, or walking the dog. Meeting a nice friend for coffee and cake.
Also books are brilliant for when you need to retreat and wait for things to shift.

Should add that my advice would be very different if you are afraid or in any danger.

I agree with others that you are 'allowed' to feel sad, because you're in a very difficult situation, but also though I imagine it's the very last thing you feel like exercise. I have run my way through some difficult times. If you're not already a runner, try couch to 5k? There's something very centring about having a physically challenging (but manageable) thing to pit yourself against.

Best wishes, OP.

Yes, let yourself be sad. Grieve, wallow, feel it.

I remember one Christmas post separation and pre-telling the DCs. It was hard. Made it through Christmas, broke on the 27th I think it was and told them.

4 years on I/we are in a great place. I completely understand what you say about them becoming independent. But I can’t stop it, so need to see them as the lovely young adults they are. It’s not without its tinges of sadness.

It’s ok, it’s about getting through the best you can at this particular point in time.

SirVix- I’m scared at what he will do when I tell him enough is enough.

He and his family have £££££ and they dont play fair. They play dirty and always win. All these years I’ve been privy to how they operate- I exhaust myself just thinking about how they will be.

I’m so touched at the responses. I feel a lot less alone than I did a few hours ago.

From the bottom of my heart. Thank you kindly.

Scared in what way op , for your safety, for his, for how financially vindictive he will be ?
All different scenarios needing different action.
If you have lived in stress, unhappiness and fear for a long time then it is hard to see a point when things could be happy again, but they will be. April isnt very far away.
Are you financially independent at all ?

Yes the financially vindictive part- the gaslighting of the kids
It’s the only reason I’ve held on for the last 8 years. I’ve had to shoulder all the shit until they were old enough to potentially see through their (his family- I have none in this country) bullshit.

Some days I just feel like I cannot carry on and they can have everything they want- me out of the picture- the dc to fuck up another generation. It’s all so exhausting-not forgetting the fact he is literally a disgusting 4th child. He does nothing - he eats, sleeps (sometimes 3 times a day) shits and tires himself out pretending to be a charming action man to all and sundry he contributes physically at home to ZERO.

I’m so angry at myself that I didn’t just think about myself and fuck off when they were toddlers. What a waste of a life.

I have found it can help to release that pent up emotion. I’d watch a teary movie, something that would allow me to have a good old cry, but had a happy uplifting ending!

And then go for a walk or run somewhere with views.

@lunchTimeLeopard Is there any way you can spin your plans so they appear to be to his benefit and on his terms? Could you 'take the kids off his hands' for a few months so he gets some peace and quiet as he is clearly quite exhausted at the moment?
Or could you be setting up a lovely second home for you all that is just not quite convenient to him so he never much wants to be there? I wouldn;t normally suggest this sort of manipulation but I've encountered families like that before and their favourite hobby is the casual torturing of people who are entangled with them but see them for who they are.

Oh that sounds very hard. I’m sorry your ‘friend’ blabbed to her DH, who told yours. That’s spectacularly shit.

Could you not escape back to where you do have family and friends?

My family are abroad (no money to see them) I have one friend who knows but I limit what I tell her because of what happened before. Everyone is busy with their exciting lead-up to xmas

I know there are others in a far worse predicament. Even in the most bleak of times with the same family life and the demands of toddlers I’ve never felt this low. It feels really heavy.

I’m going to try to go on a walk after work this morning I think.

Just to let you know there is a great site called Elefriends by Mind online as well which is good and anonymous if you need it. Sorry to hear the friends blabbed like that. Kind thoughts

Sorry you are feeling low, it will take a bit longer than you planned but you will get through it. Don't deny your feelings, get angry and spin your plan - you have 4 months to do it and the wait might not feel so bad if you are gradually building towards leaving.

In the meantime I recommend a nice walk or run - try a 0-5k app if you are a beginner and listen to music you love.

Then my own personal favourite - sing! Look up your favourite songs on YouTube with karaoke, lock yourself in a car or room and sing your heart out. Even if you sound terrible, I find the act of singing is very uplifting. Even better if you can find a choir or some carollers to join in with because it is a nice shared experience.
Good luck xxx

When I was getting divorced and needed to shut the world out, I watched all 15 series of ER on DVD, through my laptop, in bed, and I read all Georgette Heyer's novels on kindle. No one knew I was doing it - think they just thought I was tired as I started going to bed at 9pm instead of 11pm - but it completely cushioned me from reality. It took about a year to complete them all, 2-3 hours a day.

Some people say throw yourself into your work, but bollocks to that!

Thanks.

How old are your children?

Oldest is 13 (SEN)