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Original poster

Fuck! Please distract me until I hear back from DS- he’s got in a car with a stranger to me

107 replies

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 11/12/2018 08:40

I thought I’d taught him so well.

The school bus has broken down, replacement will be sent but running about 20 mins late. He text me to tell me and was happy to wait. I’ve since had another text to say don’t worry X’s Mum has come and picked us up.

Very lovely of her but I suffer with anxiety over my children’s safety and currently in panic until I hear he’s arrived at school. He’s year 8, he knows this boy (I don’t or his mum) so chances are he’s very safe and as I said it’s kind of her but I’m so worried.

Please chat to me. I’m thinking of calling school- wwyd?

OP posts:
Original poster
GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 11/12/2018 09:24

Ok well thanks to all those with lovely reassuring messages, it’s much appreciated.

I’ll leave it now though thanks, for those who just came on to stick the boot in to make me feel worse, congrats, you’ve succeeded.

OP posts:
GreatDuckCookery6211 · 11/12/2018 09:25

Why don't you phone him OP? Talk to him and see that he's ok? Hopefully that will reassure you.

cancla · 11/12/2018 09:26

No it fucking isn't. OPs mental health isn't your business to make assumptions about. Again, you wouldn't do this with a physical condition.

If someone had a physical condition affecting their life of course I would. On a thread where the reason for the post is mental or physical people are going to assume. It's part of a natural thought process. I would be a really thoughtless person if those brassica didn't cross my mind. Don't get me wrong I absolutely feel for OP, anxiety can be crippling, but there is no need to have a go at people for suggesting they get help. A simple 'I am' is enough to end that line of conversation.

Wolfiefan · 11/12/2018 09:27

Sorry OP.
There do seem to be quite a few posters here who have obviously crippling anxiety and do nothing about it. Also some who seem to think it’s an easy thing to cure. I wish!
You’ll give him an extra hug tonight. Which as a boy of that age I’m sure he will LOVE!!! Grin

happyclutterchucker · 11/12/2018 09:28

He will be absolutely fine.

I have a friend who has a similar level of anxiety as you do - I know it's hard but please do your best to relax and stay as calm as you can. In the next few years, you are going to have to let go more and more.

My friend's dd is now 20 and still lacks confidence in her own ability to cope with ordinary daily life - because she knows that her mother gets frantic with worry and doesn't trust her to be able to do it.

You will be doing your son no favours in the end. He needs to be secure in the knowledge that he can take care of himself responsibly. So sorry if this sounds a bit harsh, it isn't meant to be.

BeanBagLady · 11/12/2018 09:31

“So what are you doing to try to deal with it?”

The OP has acknowledged her anxiety here, and asked to be distracted from it! A good tactic.

OP, you are NOT a bad person to have anxiety.

Bad lack of empathy and imagination amongst some posters.

FlowersBrew

Hoppinggreen · 11/12/2018 09:33

Story to distract you OP
When I was about 6 my Mums car wouldn’t start so me and my older brother had to walk to school. Not far but quite rural and up a big hill
A car stopped to offer us a lift and I refused to get in. My brother was getting cross and wasn’t telling me to get in but I wouldn’t and thankfully he didn’t leave me
We got to school and went into assembly and were called to the front by the vicar from the church across the road (Church School) who congratulated us for NOT getting in his car when I though he was a stranger!
He had in fact been at school most days for the past 2 years so I did know him but I hadn’t recognised him out of his robes and in a hat!!

Avrannakern · 11/12/2018 09:34

I think you need to get some help.

There's worry for legitimate reason and then there's... The extreme. You're actually in a panic because he's getting a lift with a friend?

You need some help.

WickedGoodDoge · 11/12/2018 09:34

OK, yes, this is completely and utterly your anxiety speaking. It’s a good solution to the problem and very kind of the mum to offer. Your son will be fine.

Littledidsheknow · 11/12/2018 09:35

cancla

No one has politely suggested that OP "gets help" on this thread: they've demanded to know what treatment she's receiving, and, to use your own expression have been "WTF" towards her.
You also told her that she was "not normal"

Charming.

cancla · 11/12/2018 09:42

I absolutely did not say OP was not normal. What i said was IT is not normal to need a hand hold under these circumstances. Which is true, it's not. But I was referring, very clearly, to the situation, not the OP.

And all i said was 'get some help'. Which I stand by. It's perfectly reasonable to suggest someone gets help for ANY problem affecting their daily life.

Wolfiefan · 11/12/2018 09:45

But the OP is doing so.
It’s not a simple problem to fix.
My anxiety is niggling me today about a couple of things. I’ve messaged a friend to assess whether my concerns are justified or my anxiety. I trust her judgements.
Sometimes we have to learn to live with a certain level of anxiety and have coping strategies. (Like posting on MN and not phoning your child hysterically sobbing!!)

crimsonlake · 11/12/2018 09:45

I though he had been kidnapped, he is 12 years old and getting a lift off a friend's mum which was kind of them. You have to get some control over this, what are you going to do when he starts wanting to go out with friends more of a weekend? It would not occur to me to contact the other parent to let them know I had given their child a lift, you are being irrational.

whatamessitallis · 11/12/2018 09:45

cancla you are having an empathy bypass.

I hope you get some help with that, it's not normal.

HTH.

treaclesoda · 11/12/2018 09:47

Completely off topic (apologies), but is it normal to be 12yo and in Yr8 there?

Year 8 is the first year of secondary where I am, so yes, totally normal.

treaclesoda · 11/12/2018 09:47

As in, its totally normal in some places. Smile

cantdecide01 · 11/12/2018 09:49

Completely agree, littledidsheknow.

Hope you're feeling calmer op.

cancla · 11/12/2018 09:50

what

Not a bypass. I was just seeing the situation as it was presented. I do feel for OP, I'm sure I already said that.

TheOrigFV45 · 11/12/2018 09:54

WWID?
I would give myself a time by which if I hadn't heard THEN I'd call the school.

I would then have a discussion with my son in the evening.
I think what he did was fine. If you think so too, then I think you need to thank him for letting you know what he was doing and that he dealt with an unexpected situation well.

If you really aren't happy with what he did then you and he need to work out a contigency plan for if this happens again. e.g. don't get into someone else's car, but wait for the bus.

At 12/13 I guess if I got a call from another parent checking who I was I'd think it was a bit odd, but just schrug it off.

Of course if the Mum had called you, you still wouldn't really know who she was anyway.

ciderhouserules · 11/12/2018 09:55

When I was about 14 I was walking home from town along a pretty busy main road. A car stopped and the driver (man on his own) told me to get in. I refused, and he told me that he was a friend of my father's, that he had been to my house and I should remember him. I still refused (I like walking and it wasn't far) and when I got home I was told off by my DF for 'being rude' to his friend!

Was one of many 'parenting' fails that ensure that I am NC with DF now.

Littledidsheknow · 11/12/2018 09:58

And all i said was 'get some help'. Which I stand by. It's perfectly reasonable...

If an OP posted with a physical problem/condition/disability that made it difficult for her to look after or cope with her child in some way, there wouldn't be an annoyed "get some help, the way you do this isn't normal" snapped at her. Nor any suggestion that she's ruining her child for life because of her condition.

There would be practical suggestions that bear in mind her difficulties or at least sympathetic reassurance because, of course, it's not her fault.

Mental health is given far less sympathy, and OP has been sneered at on here.

tinytemper66 · 11/12/2018 09:58

Just phone the school and say the bus broke down and he was having a lift etc can they confirm he is in class. They don`t need to speak to him but look on the registers which are all electronic/online.

cancla · 11/12/2018 10:01

little

It wasn't intended as a 'snap'

I'm not sure why you think I have less sympathy for mental health problems, maybe that how they are seen on here but I literally said 'get some help' because it was a reasonable suggestion without the information that OP already does.

And I absolutely was not 'sneering'

SylvanianFrenemies · 11/12/2018 10:08

Anxiety is a fucker. I've been there myself in the past. You are doing the right thing by reasoning it out yourself, and seeking distraction. Well done.

The only mistake is to assume people get this, and will understand! I imagine you are already getting treatment, but if not I'd recommend psychotherapy. It worked for me, CBT didn't.

Hope your day improves!

Littledidsheknow · 11/12/2018 10:13

Again, would you say "get some help" to someone with a physical illness, cancla ?OK, I accept that you are sympathetic, but can't you see how patronising it is? I would imagine that most of us would think that any unwell person had already sought the help they thought they needed, and just focus on giving advice that may help them.

And yes, I apologise, I did take out a bit of my frustration out on you about the general lack of sympathy on MN for people with MH conditions, where a "get some help" is often thrown out like an insult.