Fuck! Please distract me until I hear back from DS- he’s got in a car with a stranger to me

[GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat]

I thought I’d taught him so well.

The school bus has broken down, replacement will be sent but running about 20 mins late. He text me to tell me and was happy to wait. I’ve since had another text to say don’t worry X’s Mum has come and picked us up.

Very lovely of her but I suffer with anxiety over my children’s safety and currently in panic until I hear he’s arrived at school. He’s year 8, he knows this boy (I don’t or his mum) so chances are he’s very safe and as I said it’s kind of her but I’m so worried.

Please chat to me. I’m thinking of calling school- wwyd?

Honestly, he's a) year 8, b) with his schoolfriend being driven by his mother. I've got a 13yo and I would be perfectly happy with this. This is taking the concept of 'stranger danger' to extremes.

Treat this as a foretaste of what will be to come over the hnext few years. It won't be long before you have no say at all in whose cars he gets into. He made a sensible judgement call to go along. Well done him.

In this circumstance, I'd say don't worry all is good.

Its not like he's been randomly picked up from the school gates by someone claiming to be a parent. His friend clearly called his mum and she came to collect specifically because the bus had broken down. She wouldn't have been there otherwise. So there is no reason at all to think it is unsafe.

So he's with a classmate and that classmate's mother, after a school bus breakdown, and he's twelve? Honestly, OP, you need to calm down. Your title makes it sound as if he just got into a car with a random person.

I don’t know why as soon as you say you have anxiety, people get so snippy. I see it happen a lot. As if you’re a bad person for having it.

I think it's more to do with finding it hard to understand why a minor thing would cause so much anxiety. It puzzles me - but clearly, it causes you difficulty so I can sympathise with that. Other people with a more problem-solving bent see it as an issue that you have a certain responsibility to fix.

Bloody hell he is 12 don't do anything.

A 6yo going in a total strangers car? That's a problem.

A 12yo going in a car with his mates mum? Pretty standard stuff.

OP get some help, your son has don't absolutely nothing wrong but you are in danger of giving him some serious problems if you carry on this way.

Good god woman, don’t worry! It’s something I would have done in this circumstance.
Praise your son for being sensible and letting you know of his whereabouts.
Get some help for your anxiety, it’ll alter the relationship with your son if you don’t.

So what are you doing to try to deal with it?

Snippy again! . It's none of your fucking business how OP manages her anxiety.

I don’t know why as soon as you say you have anxiety, people get so snippy. I see it happen a lot. As if you’re a bad person for having it.

Well, I see a very different thing going on here (speaking as someone with anxiety).

Perhaps it is not people being snippy - but recognising that you have anxiety and trying to give you clear advice from a less anxious perspective.

But because that goes against everything your anxiety is telling you, you don't want to hear it.

I fully admit that I can be the most hysterical person over my own kids' safety, but I think this situation is completely normal and done.

Please try and relax a little

I haven’t said anywhere that I am not getting help for it, or that I’m happy feeling like this, or indeed that I’m passing it on to my children. All assumptions.

He’s 12 yes but that doesn’t mean I worry any less that if he were a tiny tot

It should though. At 12 he is able to make the judgment call. If he went off with a totally random stranger who offered a lift, that would be bad judgment on his part. What he did was accept a lift in ordinary circumstances.

You should not be worrying about him as if he were a tiny tot. You should realise that as he grows older, many things change.

He'll be fine. I'm sorry you have anxiety, OP, but you can't let it impact on your son.

At 12 he is old enough to decide whether or not to accept a lift to school with a schoolmate's parent. You have to let him have some independence and keep your irrational thoughts to yourself. For his sake.

haven’t said anywhere that I am not getting help for it, or that I’m happy feeling like this, or indeed that I’m passing it on to my children. All assumptions.

You did t say otherwise so I think it's reasonable for people to make an assumption, one way of the other.

People say having a child is like taking your heart out and sending it into the world. With anxiety in top of that, I can imagine you worry a lot. The chances of anything bad happening to him are absolutely tiny; the chances of him arriving at school completely fine and getting on with his day, and today being a normal boring average day for you all, are very very high.

Take deep breaths and make yourself a cup of tea

What a good kid you've got. Communicative, responsible, making a judgement call to be on time for school by being healthily interdependent and accepting help from his community, rather than late waiting for a replacement bus...

Can you replace some of the anxiety with pride? Sounds like you've got a lovely young man in your family.

Hoping he texts soon OP. He is with a friend. He’s not alone with a stranger. And that mum could’ve been you kindly offering a lift to a friend of your child. He hasn’t got in the car of a lone stranger.

Blimey OP asked for a hand hold not a flaming.

He will be fine, YOU know he will be fine, and you are coping with the anxiety by posting on here which is a great idea. It's better to get help here than pass fear onto your son, so you are doing really well.

You are obvs doing a great job raising him because he's been very sensible. So give yourself a pat on the back.

Has he texted yet to say he's there?

My Yr 8 daughter gets the public bus- and that really does have some 'strange' strangers on it.

Navigating what to do in a crisis is a key skill for this age group- your son has been sensible, taken a lift with a classmate (so not alone with a stranger FGS) and texted his mum. You should be pleased he's so sensible.

Presumably you don't have any way to vet parents of secondary school children as they aren't at the school gate- so what happens when he goes out with friends and gets a lift back with their parents? Or goes out into town to meet friends? Hopefully he is able to do these normal activities for a 12/13 year old.

Completely off topic (apologies), but is it normal to be 12yo and in Yr8 there?

The bulk of our 12yo’s would be in Yr6 which is the last year of primary. A few who started school at an earlier age would be in Yr7 which is the first year of high school. The average Yr8 student here would be 14yo. We do have the odd state based difference but I’m generalising with national averages.

Blimey OP asked for a hand hold not a flaming

With a dramatic title that made it seem like her child had been abducted! It's no wonder when realising what actually happened that people are a bit 'wtf'. I mean it's not normal to need a 'hand hold' because your 12yo got a lift to school.

Yea it's normal @HoppingPavlova. Last year or primary here children are 10-11yo.

Perfectly normal HoppingPavlova. My daughter is 14 and in year 10, she’s one of the youngest in her year though.

You turn 11 in year 6, 12 in year 7 and 13 in year 8. So OP's ds will be 13 in this school year (year 8) but is currently still only 12.

He is 12 and got in a car with the mum of a school mate. In these circumstances I think you ought to be pleased she was able to give your DS a lift so he isn't late.

You did t say otherwise so I think it's reasonable for people to make an assumption, one way of the other

No it fucking isn't. OPs mental health isn't your business to make assumptions about. Again, you wouldn't do this with a physical condition.