Washing 'his clothes' EOW

[Ifeelreallylow]

I can imagine that this seems like a really petty post.

ExH was extremely abusive, to me and our DD. Went to court, he lied through his teeth, judge believed every word he said and disregarded all proof I gave and he got EOW access.
Judge did order that he provide everything they need when at his. He was furious as he wanted me to send them with weekend bags.

Now, we're into the rhythm of EOW but of course he refuses to change them back into the clothes/uniform they have gone to him wearing. They come home wearing the clothes he has bought. I then store these in a bag by the front door (I'm too paranoid to have them anywhere else in case I forget to send them back) which is really annoying as I don't like clutter. But also, I've washed them up til now as I don't know how many changes he has for them.
But I can see a pattern forming.
I'm now washing and drying and storing the clothes. Which then have to be returned. So he has me/them packing weekend bags anyway!

I want to send them back dirty and reiterate that he change the kids back into 'my' clothes before returning them as I don't want this pile of clothes hanging around for 2 weeks.

I feel if I don't take a stand in this I'll be doing it for the next decade!!
I'm so scared of him and paranoid about every little thing, which is all used to show what a crazy bitch I am... should I just suck it up and carry on? Or make my stand?

A basic parental role at the weekend is to wash uniform for Monday. Whoever has the children that weekend does that fundamental job. What a pathetic man he must be.

I agree. My ex refused to wash the DC uniform when he had them for the weekend so mad rush on Sunday evenings for me to get everything washed last minute. Even worse is that he also refused to empty and clean their lunch boxes, so rotting food from 2 days ago was returned for me to deal with

I'm so glad those days are long gone!

This kind of situation is so annoying because of the drip drip effect of getting annoyed by it each week. My situation was this for a long time and it took me to just decide that washing the clothes and also buying extra items so nothing ran out when at wrong house and also buying all the big stuff - shoes, coats etc was a good thing to do for my DC. In and of itself. And therefore I would do it. She's now grown up and spends little time with the parent who made all these interactions at handover time difficult. And I feel proud of myself for being able to rise above the pettiness and meanness and keep most of it from my DC who I have a great relationship with. I fully recognise the teeth gnashing, gear grinding frustration at the unfairness if it all though. Good luck OP.

Thank you all for your replies.

There's a lot of perspective here.

I guess it feels like a big issue because the more tiny things that he thinks he has control over leads to bigger things. He gains confidence through them.
Having said that, the more little things I stand firm on, the more he creates shit until he "wins".

Had my DD crying today because apparently I'm a shit lazy mum who doesn't care for DS (4) because DS can't read or write yet (he's in nursery but shown no interest at all until very recently. He has always been at the back of the group this way!!) and dd doesn't like it when her dad talks about me like that.

I'm very happy to buy what they need. Coats, shoes etc. Because exh's way of doing this is to go and buy the 'best' (read most expensive brand name stuff) with little care for whether it fits/works properly/fits the requirement.
Also, what stuff they like. Dd doesn't like wearing trainers, he insists she wear trainers as much as possible because apparently these are the best footwear available. this is why she hates trainers

Fucking hell this is a horrendous situation. You are handing your children over every other weekend to a man who is so abusive to you that you have to meet in a public place and have no verbal contact?

You must be beside yourself with worry that they are being co-parented by such a toxic person! I should think the clean/dirty clothes are the least of your worries.

Had my DD crying today because apparently I'm a shit lazy mum who doesn't care for DS (4) because DS can't read or write yet
That's emotional abuse of yoru daughter. Can you keep a record of this sort of thing and go back to the court with evidence of his inappropriate behaviour. Not healthy for the children. He sounds so nasty. What's wrong with some people?

My response to all that was "so what do YOU think"?