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Original poster

Probably going to lose my job this week, stressed and looking for suggestions

41 replies

ChangedNames1000Times · 10/12/2018 07:18

I've had to have a lot of time off with my one year old lately, three incidents in about 1.5 months. I've not had much choice when nursery won't have him, as DH is deployed and we're a fair few hours from any family or friends that could have him not that anyone wants to babysit a child with chickpox when they have their own kids.

I've also really been struggling at work as DS is such a crap sleeper. I admit, I do make mistakes. Not huge ones, but mistakes all the same, because I'm so tired without any respite. I've tried everything, from sleep consultants to cranial osteopathy - it's made no difference. He's up every couple of hours without fail. I'm only adding that because it's not like I'm not trying to do something about his sleep. But I go in every week to a bollocking for my maternity cover (now appointed as my manager because she's 'there more') over a minor error I've made. She slags me off to anyone who will listen. It's bullying, but like fuck can I prove it and I just don't have the strength at the moment. I've now missed an important deadline due to being off with DS and chickenpox last week. I know they can't fire me for the time off with DS, but they could easily get rid of me for my performance.

Anyway, so last week when off with DS I got a letter inviting me to a probation review. I'm aware my performance hasn't been great, and I've hardly been there, and I know they're likely to let me go. I don't blame them, but I really need a job and since moving here it's pretty much the only social interaction I get outside of DS and the one friend I've made. I can't afford to lose my job. We live totally hand to mouth. If I lose my job I can't feed DS or myself. No savings, as I've only been back at work a couple of months after maternity leave and my time off with DS obviously isn't paid.

And I've been looking, and there seriously aren't any jobs near me that I'm qualified for. I just don't know how I'm going to keep our heads above water. As a family we just don't have the money to afford for me to be out of work, even with cut backs.

I don't really know why I'm posting. There's not much any of you can do. I guess any suggestions as to anything I can try to fit around DS would be appreciated as working from home seems to be my only option till something comes up. He's fairly good sleeping between 7-11pm. So I guess I could do something then.

To be fair I probably would be better off at home. Can sleep when he sleeps, get out more and build some social networks, it might be better for both of us if I work from home.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChangedNames1000Times · 10/12/2018 07:20

I'm sorry Blush that was really waffley. DS actually did a very rare night of sleeping through, but I was up stressing about all this.

OP posts:
ElfOnTheShelfAteMyJoy · 10/12/2018 07:23

Are you UK and on the family accomodation patch?

ElfOnTheShelfAteMyJoy · 10/12/2018 07:24

Not v succinct there! Mean is your DH UK forces?!

Original poster
ChangedNames1000Times · 10/12/2018 07:26

Yes, we're in the U.K. and living off patch (appreciate now that living on patch in a MQ would have been far better for us both in this situation).

OP posts:
ViragoKnows · 10/12/2018 07:26

Could you temp?

KickBishopBrennanUpTheArse · 10/12/2018 07:28

I'm sorry Flowers this sounds so hard.

I think you are right to focus on the positives and make plans for the job coming to an end. Would it help your CV and mental health if you handed your notice in first? Try to come out of it with the promise of a reference.

If you are still on probation there's probably nothing you can do to fight it but if you've been there long enough to have mat leave you might have some rights?

I think you need some advice 're benefits and tax credits. Also if you cant fond work at home in the evenings what about using the tome to study to omprove prospects for the future?

Workreturner · 10/12/2018 07:29

I feel for you OP

But it doesn’t sound like this job is right for you. And I know you need the job but this employee isn’t a charity.

You need to get a job that better fits in with your life at the moment and accept that will likely mean lower pay

Workreturner · 10/12/2018 07:29

Employer

Original poster
ChangedNames1000Times · 10/12/2018 07:31

I actually applied with a few temp agencies when we first moved here. I was stupidly quite upfront about my circumstances and was told that they couldn't put me on for roles longer than a handful of days because they would worry I would move at short notice due to DH's job and let down their clients Confused

I'll certainly look at the couple in town again though. And mark my CV on Reed as available for temp work.

OP posts:
ViragoKnows · 10/12/2018 07:32

Your current office sounds like a really poisonous atmosphere all round. If you can, jump before it gets worse.

Could you manage financially on PT hours? That might be easier for now.

Alfie190 · 10/12/2018 07:33

Why are you on probation? Sounds like you have been there a while?

Original poster
ChangedNames1000Times · 10/12/2018 07:36

Oh no! I don't mean to come across as all woe is me, I fully appreciate that my employer deserves someone who can actually do the job. It's not even a job I'm in love with, I only took it because it was all I could find when we moved here, and was good hours to fit in my OU degree comfortably.

I'm on probation still as when I took the job, I was 24 weeks. The probation period is six months, so I wasn't there long enough to complete it before leaving to go on maternity.

OP posts:
ViragoKnows · 10/12/2018 07:38

I fully appreciate that my employer deserves someone who can actually do the job.

You deserve professionalism from your manager too.

Original poster
ChangedNames1000Times · 10/12/2018 07:38

And I'm not sure my pay could get much lower Grin so I'm not too concerned in that respect.

OP posts:
BellaNewcomb · 10/12/2018 07:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
ChangedNames1000Times · 10/12/2018 07:43

I know Virago, but I'm clearly not going to get it.

I should have known from the total lack of support I got on my return his this was going to end. I was literally thrown in the deep end with no support or reintroduction or well, any help at all after ten months off.

They used my KIT days to cover the receptionists days off. So I could answer the phone rather than catching up on what I'd missed.

OP posts:
ViragoKnows · 10/12/2018 07:44

They used my KIT days to cover the receptionists days off.

Wow. Cheeky blighters.

Original poster
ChangedNames1000Times · 10/12/2018 07:46

I'm sorry if this comes across like I'm drip feeding. And it's not constructive either moaning about the old job. I think I really just need some help with looking forward.

OP posts:
KnightlyMyMan · 10/12/2018 07:47

Op I’m really sorry- it sounds very tough and I understand your need to work.

It’s a really hard one when people have good reasons for absence/under performing because whilst you aren’t to blame for your situation, neither are your employer and they can’t really allow everyone with kids who don’t sleep to repeatedly make silly mistakes.

My DP is an intensive care doctor - imagine if he made silly mistakes due to sleep deprivation.

Whilst I totally get that you need your job, if you’re not able to perform it might be better to hold your hands up and leave rather than being pushed. Xx

Iknowthatguy · 10/12/2018 07:52

I'm on probation still as when I took the job, I was 24 weeks. The probation period is six months, so I wasn't there long enough to complete it before leaving to go on maternity.

This isn't right. Afaik your probation period should have continued whilst you were off (just like holidays, payrises, bonus' and the like). Give acas a call to check that though.

Original poster
ChangedNames1000Times · 10/12/2018 07:56

I do completely understand that Knightly Smile not disagreeing with that at all. Just looking for advice on how to move forward.

OP posts:
Original poster
ChangedNames1000Times · 10/12/2018 08:00

Iknowthatguy I'll look into that. Not saying I feel like I should pass - but my performance was great before I went off. I do feel like that should count for something.

OP posts:
Bleurgh0 · 10/12/2018 08:02

I don't think that using your KIT days to cover the receptionist is allowed. I could be wrong it I think there are defined things they can and can't use KIT days for. Did they pay you for the KIT days? They don't have to pay for them, but if they didn't and you weren't even doing something related to your job then that's appalling.

KnightlyMyMan · 10/12/2018 08:04

Sorry OP- should have been clearer.
My advice (if you’re sure they’re going to try and get rid of you) is to leave before you are pushed. It may seem better to hold on until they fire you but if you leave now it will save you a lot of emotional stress and a very toxic environment. They’ll give you a decent reference (won’t be allowed not to) and you’ll probably be entitled to some holiday pay with could be a nice little extra.

I would either move onto base, or move back to where your friends/family are (whichever is more possible/practical).

Bleurgh0 · 10/12/2018 08:04

Even if you want to move on I would still contact ACAS. Given the way you've been treated hey might help you negotiate something better than dismissal.

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