Probably going to lose my job this week, stressed and looking for suggestions

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I've had to have a lot of time off with my one year old lately, three incidents in about 1.5 months. I've not had much choice when nursery won't have him, as DH is deployed and we're a fair few hours from any family or friends that could have him not that anyone wants to babysit a child with chickpox when they have their own kids.

I've also really been struggling at work as DS is such a crap sleeper. I admit, I do make mistakes. Not huge ones, but mistakes all the same, because I'm so tired without any respite. I've tried everything, from sleep consultants to cranial osteopathy - it's made no difference. He's up every couple of hours without fail. I'm only adding that because it's not like I'm not trying to do something about his sleep. But I go in every week to a bollocking for my maternity cover (now appointed as my manager because she's 'there more') over a minor error I've made. She slags me off to anyone who will listen. It's bullying, but like fuck can I prove it and I just don't have the strength at the moment. I've now missed an important deadline due to being off with DS and chickenpox last week. I know they can't fire me for the time off with DS, but they could easily get rid of me for my performance.

Anyway, so last week when off with DS I got a letter inviting me to a probation review. I'm aware my performance hasn't been great, and I've hardly been there, and I know they're likely to let me go. I don't blame them, but I really need a job and since moving here it's pretty much the only social interaction I get outside of DS and the one friend I've made. I can't afford to lose my job. We live totally hand to mouth. If I lose my job I can't feed DS or myself. No savings, as I've only been back at work a couple of months after maternity leave and my time off with DS obviously isn't paid.

And I've been looking, and there seriously aren't any jobs near me that I'm qualified for. I just don't know how I'm going to keep our heads above water. As a family we just don't have the money to afford for me to be out of work, even with cut backs.

I don't really know why I'm posting. There's not much any of you can do. I guess any suggestions as to anything I can try to fit around DS would be appreciated as working from home seems to be my only option till something comes up. He's fairly good sleeping between 7-11pm. So I guess I could do something then.

To be fair I probably would be better off at home. Can sleep when he sleeps, get out more and build some social networks, it might be better for both of us if I work from home.

They eventually paid me for them, payment for my KIT days was finally processed after I'd been back at work a month and a half (had taken them from June-August).

I booked them in with my manager, and basically was told that's what I was doing on the days when I got in! Don't know if it was coincidental with the receptionists holidays, but I felt I had to go along with it to well, be seen as helpful and still useful I guess.

Knightly I think I'm going to have my notice letter ready in my bag to hand over on Thursday. See how the meeting is going, then interject with it if I need to. I guess best case scenario they extend my probation, then it gives me a few more weeks to sort something.

Doesn't quite solve the issue about having no money coming in, but I actually think I'll be quite relieved if I go.

Don't hand in your resignation until you've spoken to acas

I going to give them a call as soon as DS is asleep Iknowthatguy. Hopefully they'll have some advice.

It doesn't sound like a great work environment and I really hope you find something that works better for you.

'If I lose my job I can't feed DS or myself'

Won't your DH support you and your dc whilst you look for another position?

If you hand your notice in you wont be able to get any support. I'd wait for them to let you go (paying you notice) then build your cv up temping.

Snuggy I'll agree it's not a great work environment. Certainly not somewhere I want to stay, but it's currently my only option. Until I can think of something else.

I think your workplace should be doing more to support you. I wouldn't hand my notice in until I had another job lined up. Not unless you really have had enough?

Martha DH can't support me financially. If we could manage on his salary alone I wouldn't have returned to work in the first place to be honest.

I'm sure it'll be asked, there isn't any way we can cut back enough to keep us afloat. I need to be earning a minimum of £350 a month excluding childcare (food, and a repayment to my last organisation as I had to leave before completing the T&C's of s course I was put on so have to pay back the value of the course).

Notapizzaeater thank you, I didn't realise that. I'll keep that in mind. Though how bad is being fired going to look?

Can you negotiate part-time/job share for a trial period? Worth trying to stay in a reduced capacity than dropping out altogether.

Tumpymummy I don't know if I've had enough of work or just the way things are at the moment in general. I just feel so stressed out and cry quite a bit these days. I don't think I'm depressed or anything. I just think my current job has really knocked my confidence. I know I need to try to to tough it out if I can though.

Thoughts so far I guess ...

I think matched betting looks like I could tide me over for a few months.

Applied for Appen and Leapforce too. There's a job with Monzo that looks fantastic, but I think I'd struggle to get anyone to have DS for a week due to the training.

The first few months after maternity leave ends are really hard, especially if a little one is going to nursery for the first time as they get every bug going. you won't have seen half of it yet. I'm not surprised your employers have had enough. ideally you need a flexitime arrangement so that you can get the work done when things are ok and can drop your hours down when your child is ill. this doesn't sound like the right employer to offer that.

I don't think you should take the advice upthread to resign before you are dismissed. it may take a while to find the right job and if you resign you will get less benefits than if you were asked to leave. you will need to be honest about this to any future employer anyway but as you will be asking for flexible hours you can say "my needs for flexible working due to caring responsibilities were incompatible with their business needs" and that will be fine.

by the way - you'll need to know this in future - you may be misunderstanding your rights when it comes to time off for emergencies as a carer.

you do have a right to unpaid emergency leave as a carer. this is not a right to unpaid time off for the duration of your child's illness. this is intended to be the minimum reasonable time for you to get arrangements sorted - eg ringing round emergency childcare providers or waiting in while you wait for a parent or aunt to make the journey to your home in order to look after the child. if you have been having 2-3 days off each time your child is ill then you have been taking much more than you have a right to.

take this as a learning experience, accept that your needs are incompatible with the current job, and in future build contingencies for regular illnesses and other matters arising (nativity plays, "parent's evenings" where all appointments are between 3:15 and 5:15, sports days) as part of the plan rather than something that needs special accommodation.

Can you speak to the welfare dept in you DH job? See if you can get MQ? Will be cheaper for you and DH money may be enough to support?

I'm trying really hard not to sound defensive, I really do understand my employer having had enough if that's the case, so I hope it doesn't come across that way!

I appreciate my childcare arrangements are my own issue to deal with. But I really only have taken five days in total. 1 for D&V (had the next day off anyway), 1 for hand foot and mouth which thankfully coincided with a weeks annual leave I'd booked, and then the three for chickenpox last week (two of those it was agreed would be taken as short notice annual leave). So I guess it's only been three individual days off when you put it like that. I know it's still a lot though.

I think I'm just angry and frustrated with DH. I know it's not his fault, but I guess there was just more in place to support me while he's away. I wish my employer was more supportive of that. He's been away a lot the last six years, and I've never found an employer well ... understanding in the slightest about how hard deployment can be on both sides.

I think you're right, we need to look at moving into MQ. And talk to the LL, though we're tied in for three more months. It's a good long term idea I think! Just need to get through till February when DH is back, we can move (if not sooner) and I can look for a new job knowing I can do it properly.