I think I resent DH a bit but maybe am being unfair?

[hidinginthenightgarden]

Our relationship is a bit meh at the moment and I think a lot of it is that I feel I do so much more and am beginning to resent him a bit. Added to that He is going away with work tomorrow for 4 days and has in no way acknowledged hoe hard it is going to be for me (kids go to different schools/nursery etc) whilst whining that he doesn't really want to go. This morning we needed to be out by 9.30. I got myself and 2 DCs 6&3 ready, put the washing on and cooked us both breakfast. He sorted him self out.
We got home at 12.30 and he has sat at his computer whilst I made lunch for everyone. This is pretty standard.

He then asked DD who she wanted to take her to bed. IMO he should have just done it as I had done everything else all bloody day but he has gone and put her to bed as she asked him too.

Other things he does -He sorts out all the finances which is a big job (insurance, childcare bills etc) and does the bins. Does the dishwasher 50% of the time and washing a couple of time s a week. Also alternates doing bedtimes. and he does maybe 2 school drop off and 1/2 pick ups a week. He works 5 days me 4.

All the rest of the cleaning is up to me. I do homework and reading with DS, all admin for school. I do shopping and cooking (I make at least 2of 3 of his meals every day) and general cleaning and tidying and most of the washing - including putting away which I can honestly say he has never done and wouldn't know where to put things now! Minimum of 3 drop offs and pick up every week and all the remembering to pack XYZ, make extra food, buy presents for parties and xmas etc.

The thing is he is also working on a business plan but seems as he spends 90% of his time as his computer anyway, I don't know how much of his time is spent on this (which is for the good of us all) or just him taking the piss whilst I run around.
There has been no intimacy of any sort this week - barely a kiss and I know he is going to try it on tonight but I feel too empty towards him at the moment. Am I being unjust? Is he doing his part or is he being lazy?

I like the MN rule of no one sits down until all the work is done, and obviously if that isn't possible as bed time story takes a long time, he takes turn about.

No you are not being unfair. Can't believe some of the comments on here that he "does a lot" and you should be grateful for that. Keep a detailed list of who does what for a week or two (much as you have today), including work time and commute time. I guarantee he will have way more down time than you. Then you need to ask him what he thinks can be done to even out the load. Ask him because that will force him to think about it.

Keep a detailed list of who does what for a week or two (much as you have today), including work time and commute time.

Or, you know, just talk to your husband.

Well, you know, just talking to her husband is getting her very far!

So have something solid to talk about for when she does talk to her husband as I suggested.

@A580Hojas

No where does the OP say she has actually had a discussion with him about this I suggested

So how about a chat first before going in with documentary evidence! Which is what ^^

i suggested

Bearing in mind you work a day less, and is also working on a business plan, it does seem fairly evenly split. He does pretty much equal drop offs/bedtimes/dishwashing etc. His finance cancels out your "mental load" (and as someone who does both in our family, I find the finance stuff a far bigger and more stressful job than the mental load). You do a bit more cleaning, and cooking - but he works more plus does the bins. Also who does the DIY, gardening, car maintenance etc? Men in this kind of set up tend to cover those too.

I think he should probably help more with homework, and spending time with the children, but more for the sake of his relationship with the children than anything else.

I don't doubt you feel tired, run ragged. We work the same days (5 DH/4 me) and have 2 children, and we're both knackered too, without much in the way of free time - that's life for a few years. 2 working parents and 2 young children is hard, however you look at it.

You both probably feel the same, so rather than blaming each other, you just need to talk and learn to support each other better. And schedule in some fun family things to improve your quality of life and bring you closer together.