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Original poster

Just been very rude to some men on the train and now I’m both embarrassed and slightly scared

226 replies

AveAtqueVale · 07/12/2018 14:24

In fairness, they were rude first. But I am possibly the least confrontational person in the world (with strangers, at least) and I’m not sure what came over me. Bunch of laddy blokes, early 20s and clearly fairly well-oiled, being generally loud and obnoxious. Leering and commenting at some teenage girls who initially tried to ignore them then sensibly moved carriages. Everyone else ignoring them. I eventually got sick of it and went to move carriages as well but that involved walking past them. As I did so one of them said something along the lines of he’d happily fuck me even though I’m fat Hmm and others all laughed. Normally I’d just ignore but for some reason I turned round, intending to channel Mumsnet with ‘did you mean to be so rude?’ But what actually came out was ‘is there any particular reason why you’re being so rude today or are you always just a bunch of total cunts?’ Blush

Audible gasp from someone else in carriage, followed by rather ominous silence so I scurried off. Now sitting at the other end of the train shaking, mortified and hoping they don’t come to find me Confused.

OP posts:
AuntyJackiesBrothersSistersBoy · 09/12/2018 14:05

Good for you. I’ll bet their own mums would have a fit.

dorisdog · 09/12/2018 17:46

I'd have cheered you! Bravo Grin

MentalMaggie · 09/12/2018 18:24

AveAtqueVale
🤣🤣🤣 This made me laugh so much as it brought back a particular incident from 21 yrs ago that I remember like it was yesterday.
I was going out that day to meet my now DH, so I dressed up, nicely I thought, wearing a white blouse, black knee length pencil skirt and 3” high heels, then I realised that I needed something from my local store ( corner of my st. ) and proceeded to walk there, get what I needed and go out for the day.
Anyway, as I was walking to the shop I suddenly heard this voice in the doorway of an undertakers, I knew what I heard but rather stupidly I thought I heard wrong as I have limited hearing so I turned round and saw 3 men suited and booted in the undertakers doorway, and then said rather stupidly “ sorry, what did you say , the same man again repeated what I thought he had said whilst laughing “ I asked if you were wearing tights or stockings ? I had heard him right ! I was absolutely gobsmacked ! Usually I just ignore those sorts of comments but for some unknown reason this time I didn’t , maybe because I was fed up with ”blokes” constantly treating women like shit, or maybe because he finished off his comment with “ so which is it, tights or stockings ?” I just don’t know 🤷🏼‍♀️ anyway, with some sort of alien defiance ( I’d never ever confronted anyone before like this, it was as if I’d been invaded ! ) I walked up to the man in the middle who spoke and all the while smiling I leaned towards him as if I was going to whisper in his ear, so he leaned towards me ( he didn’t realise that I saw him wink to the man on his left ) with a dirty smile on his face, probably thinking all his Christmas’s has come at once. As my eyes were level with his I asked him one simple question ” does your mouth bleed once a month ?” he realised then that I wasn’t going to whisper in his ear like he thought so he spluttered ”no, why ?” and before I could help myself this alien that had invaded my body suddenly said out loud for all to hear* ” because you talk like a cunt ! ” then I walked off, head held high, whilst the guy in question was ridiculed by his acquaintances and other bystanders who heard what had happened gave me a round of applause. I was shaking so much, I couldn’t believe what I’d heard ( myself say ! ) but this brought it all back to me Xmas Grin

JackJack199 · 10/12/2018 11:48

Fantastic!

YES, you should be proud of yourself.
Be scared? NO

You've just stood up to cowardly bullies albeit verbal, dealing with it directly. I'm sure there are others who would say you were OTT but I think not.

You used exactly the right delivery, tone, choice of words and then you remove yourself from the conflict zone where your sheepish laddish aggressors clearly had their ears down and tails between their legs.

If it happens again, do the same.

Well done.

This is what would be happening in schools or generally in life itself in other places, work, clubs etc

effiehabb · 10/12/2018 12:00

Well done you! Star

Wordthe · 10/12/2018 12:00

I agree that the replies are very clever and these men deserve it but what will they do next?
will they go home and think well that's me caught bang to rights, I see the error of my ways and I'm going to treat women with respect from now on.

or will they go home and think that fucking bitch humiliated me in front of a train full of people I hate women and I'm going to punish them even more now

We absolutely should and must stand up to people who treat other people badly, and it is very hard to come up with a suitable response in that sort of situation.
For most people it's just very very triggering you either have an angry outburst which is scary or you freeze, say nothing and feel stupid and humiliated.
The chances of dealing with it calmly seem quite low unless you are practiced with that kind of situation

Really what is the most useful way to respond?

Wordthe · 10/12/2018 12:03

I think that most people's response to humiliation is fury
they may let that Fury out then and there or there may let it out later
but if you humiliate someone publicly they will probably just take it out on someone else wont they?

Gettingbackonmyfeet · 10/12/2018 12:13

I'm glad to see most of the replies in favour of the OP

I'm not remotely militant but it does make me sad that one or two are more focused on appropriate language

We are taught as women to be quiet , speak demurely ,be polite...which leads to us not being able to defend ourselves

If OP had gone on a swearing rampage that's one thing but she put them back in their place and fought fire with fire...it would be great if they listened to reasoned argument

But they weren't likely to , we should not be concerned with arbitrary societal conventions when we feel genuinely threatened or intimidated and other women commenting that polite language should be used should consider why they feel a woman being intimidated (anyone being intimidated) is less important than a society rule

Given that they had intimidated younger girls with this behaviour quite right they needed to learn that older women will protect ourselves and our younger counterparts

Good for you OP

Aridane · 10/12/2018 12:28

Well done you! (and, yes, I would have felt quite shakey after that confrontation)

Aridane · 10/12/2018 12:30

I totally applaud you standing up to them but in a full carriage, I too would have gasped at cunt being used in the day on a train. I'm no prude I swear a lot at home and in adult company but if I'd been sitting with my girls and you'd said that I'd have been really annoyed. It's not about you being rude to them that's good on you but your language wasn't appropriate in a public place.

I would have been more dismayed / dispirited by the vile sexist and sexual innuendo / harrrasment from the lads than the cunt rebuke.

DishingOutDone · 10/12/2018 13:32

Yes you need to teach your daughters to be polite whilst they are being treated like dirt by yobs on a train Hmm

SeraphinaDombegh · 10/12/2018 13:47

I am not in favour of public swearing, as a rule, but what you said was perfect. Well done! Grin

UbercornsGoggles · 10/12/2018 14:06

You're awesome.

CaliHummers · 10/12/2018 14:07

I would have been more dismayed / dispirited by the vile sexist and sexual innuendo / harrrasment from the lads than the cunt rebuke.

Exactly. It's far worse for children to think that sexist yobs can get away with such vile behaviour unchallenged, than it is to hear someone call them a bunch of cunts.

BasilFaulty · 10/12/2018 14:23

How is saying cunt worse than what these yobs were doing and saying and ruining everyone's journey? Jesus wept I despair.

Well done OP, I wish I had been there so I could have given a whoop and a cheer! 👊👊👊👊

Bekabeech · 21/12/2018 07:57

Flowers Star

ShannonRockallMalin · 21/12/2018 08:00

A round of applause from me as well! Star

Satsumaeater · 21/12/2018 08:02

it’s a word best reserved for serious occasions. Like when a group of men need to be taught that women are not objects. If you want to do right by your daughters you would tell them that any man that makes them feel like a worthless piece of meat for their viewing pleasure only is a cunt and deserves to be called one

I don't like swearing, and I particularly don't like the c word but I couldn't agree more with the above. Well done OP.

Teateaandmoretea · 21/12/2018 08:05

but if you humiliate someone publicly they will probably just take it out on someone else wont they?

It depends. If they were just being carried along by being drunk and twattish then they may take the feedback.

But whatever, the notion that the OP by standing up to them may cause them to be violent to their wives is pretty staggering. No the cause of domestic violence towards women is violent men.

tillytrotter1 · 21/12/2018 08:12

Next time your response should be 'Don't send a boy to do a man's job', the humiliation from his friends' laughter will be enough to shut them up.
Humiliation trumps everything along with withering looks.

scarbados · 21/12/2018 08:17

Well done, you! We should all follow your lead.

onalongsabbatical · 21/12/2018 09:45

@MentalMaggie not sure why this thread is trending again but so glad it is because I just read your story and I want to say you are awesome and I love you! Grin

Just been very rude to some men on the train and now I’m both embarrassed and slightly scared
Gina2012 · 21/12/2018 10:06

Well done

ThanosSavedMe · 21/12/2018 10:14

Well done OP. Why should they have got away with their behaviour. Please do not be embarrassed.

beanaseireann · 30/12/2018 16:26

Why did you compare them to something warm and deep when they are clearly not ?
Well done for tackling them but I hate the c--- word used.