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Original poster

Early (early!) morning waking 2/3 year old - broken and snappy - can you leave them to cry?

62 replies

Sleephelpplease · 07/12/2018 05:54

Hello - on second child and whole house is broken. She goes to bed at 7pm no issues (bath/ story with milk/ into cotbed and falls Asleep whilst we sit in a chair beside her (working towards being able to leave room whilst she is still awake). But she wakes every morning between 4.30/5. I used to take her into bed but she doesn’t sleep much and I didn’t at all, so we’ve tried for months to keep her in her cot and to re settle her. She doesn’t. She screams in rage. She doesn’t sleep again. Have tried holding her hand/ gradual retreat (but she doesn’t go back to sleep even if I stay in her room for 2 hours). Have tried leaving her to cry and going in every 10 mins to say night night (so she knows we are there) whilst she cries and rages. She’s waking us all including her sister and we are now so tired and snappy (3 years of broken sleep!) that I’m snapping at the kids and my relationship with my DH is suffering and we are catching all bugs going. I look a wreck. Work is being affected. I have no link between my brain and mouth and am inevitably making stupid comments. And I’m so down. She gets plenty to do in the day, had a nap some days at lunchtime but only for 30 mins. I put a second duvet on her at night before I go to sleep so she stays warm (her room is cold at 4 but she’s warm in the bed), I change her nappy in the dark in the morning if she poo’s (every morning!). Please can you give me some suggestions!

OP posts:

Belleende · 07/12/2018 07:34

I tinkered with bedtime no end. Made no difference. I was sure that when she dropped her nap, that would be the answer. Not a bit of it.
Gro clock. She unplugged it.
Earlier bed time, it just took longer to get her down and she still woke early.
Blackout blinds, no difference.
Snack just before bed. Nothing.
Potty training. No impact.
Co sleeping, not an option as she would come into our room and be awake there.

All other sleep issues we have encountered I have been able to modify with making some changes. I found nothing that made a dent on early rising.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 07/12/2018 07:34

Don’t worry too much about the bed and her getting out of it OP; sure she will be in and out and up and down for a few nights but when the novelty wears off and the acceptance begins then perhaps a change may come.

I’d also suggest trying to potty train her too.

All frigging hard work but it may help you out x

DuckPancake · 07/12/2018 07:44

Just marking my place to read later. My 23 month old DS is doing the same thing between 4/5AM! Shuffling up meal/bed times sounds like an idea to try..!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

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Birdsgottafly · 07/12/2018 07:46

"No adult should have to sleep in the same patterns as a baby or toddler, it’s not a life."

But with some children, nothing works, you just have to get on with it until they are a bit older.

I think it's common around this age. I hear this complaint a lot. It seems to be a development stage for some toddlers. But they come out the other side, or are old enough to play for a bit.

OP as well as going to bed earlier, I'd work on the eldest understanding that she doesn't get up and your younger one needs the Ipad.

dippledorus · 07/12/2018 07:49

No advice. Just sympathy. I had one of these. She’s 20 now and still awake at 6 every morning. But she can get herself up 😂😂. Even after a night out she’s awake at 6 and naps later in the day.

MrsPandaBear · 07/12/2018 07:50

I don't think its realistic to expect a not yet 3 year old to entertain themselves quietly for hours in the morning unfortunately. DC1 is almost 4 and generally very good but even he will only lay quietly hoping to go back to sleep for about 20 minutes - after that he starts getting upset and needs someone there.

DC2 isn't as early a riser as your DC but we find a combination of a gro clock and a tablet works for us. She's normally up at least once a night and then often wakes early. Once her gro clock is up (currently at 5.30) she can watch the ipad in bed with us with the volume low - we then doze. We've found you need something like the gro clock to signal start time if you do this regularly or they start waking earlier to get a tablet.

JakeBallardswife · 07/12/2018 07:52

We tried everything with DD and eventually just accepted that 4.45 am was her wake up time. I used to wake up, change her nappy, then give her books & a couple of toys & go back to bed then snooze for another hour. Thinking back I was utterly exhausted but nothing we did changed her wake up time. Even now as a teenager she wKes up at 5.45 am quite happily!

SleepySofa · 07/12/2018 07:55

DS was like this - nothing we did made a difference. He was a good sleeper in general, went down at 7 without any issues, rarely woke in the night and if he did, went straight back down with a cuddle, but his body clock said 4.45 was wake-up time. A personal worst was 3.55am! Lots of people on these kind of threads will say to do the usual night settling tricks but they genuinely don’t work on some early wakers. We used to take turns getting up with him. DS is 4 now and usually wakes before 6 and 7, and I wake naturally at 6ish every day, even when he sleeps in, because he’s managed to sleep train me!

retainertrainer · 07/12/2018 07:58

How on earth does a parent NOT sleep to the same patterns as their baby/toddler? When DS was a baby if he woke, I woke to attend to his needs same when he was a toddler. When they’re ready to start the day then you have to be ready to start the day. That’s parenting.

To the OP. You have my every sympathy. We tried everything to get DS to sleep in later but he just couldn’t do it. I changed my own mindset so I went to bed earlier and embraced the early start. Far less frustrating and exhausting that way. He’s 10 now and still gets up between 5/6am, he’s just an early bird. Obviously he’s now old enough to get up by himself.

retainertrainer · 07/12/2018 07:59

Sorry, that first paragraph was in response to PaulHollywoodsSexGut

Bagadverts · 07/12/2018 08:07

If tablet might work could you tell DD1 she gets to play on the tablet later/in the afternoon beccase DD2 is too young to wait, but DD1 is more grown up.

TheHauntedFishtank · 07/12/2018 08:11

Later bedtime worked for DS, it moved waking to nearer 6 which was easier to cope with. His waking time gradually got later and at 5 it’s usually nearer 7 thank goodness. I put on about a stone from all the cake and chocolate I ate to keep myself going!

PhilomenaSnowflakeButterfly · 07/12/2018 08:17

DS 7's still an early riser. 4.40 this morning.

It sounds like she's waking up to poo. Try and get her on the potty when she wakes up, then put her back to bed and ask her to try and go back to sleep.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 07/12/2018 12:36

I don’t think I’m being completely off the wall here by suggesting maybe the OP - as an adult - would like more from her evenings than going to bed at 7pm because her child does and waking up at 4:30/5 “because she has to”.

It’s reasonable to want some of your evening with your spouse. It’s reasonable to want to not feel you are slavishly beholden to the body clock of an infant. I get it, of course I do that needs must at times, but the OP is rightfully trying to find a solution to solve what is causing her family a problem.

Anyone who says “just deal with it” is ignoring the distress the OP is in. That’s not parenting. That’s martyrdom.

Original poster

Sleephelpplease · 07/12/2018 13:01

Thank you all. In a way I’m reassured that I’m not alone (although every sympathy with anyone else who is going through/ has gone through this). It is hard. And I’m messing up a lot in life as a result. I’m going to keep reminding myself it’s just a phase (many of you seem to be out the other side), and to go to bed even earlier when I can. I am with starting the day before 5/5.30 as being unacceptable but if we can get to 5.30 I’ll be happy. All advice and understanding has been much appreciated.

OP posts:

thinkingcapon · 07/12/2018 13:40

So, I just about cracked when this was happening to us. Contacted sleep consultant who said try an earlier bedtime for the child......app if you put them to bed earlier it improves the melatonin in the brain to carry them through longer and produces less cortisol (which makes them wake up at silly o'clock)
So we were doing 7-4, then swapped straight away from 6.30- 5.45! That worked for about a week, then I switched back to 7pm.....if we get an occasional 4am I switch back to 630pm bedtime.
It's a bloody mindfuck. You will get through this lovely x

Philomensapie · 08/12/2018 19:32

I've put DS to bed at 5.40 tonight, so at least he gets a full night's sleep. It's not possible on a school night though.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 08/12/2018 19:36

Keep in touch and let us know how that goes

Philomensapie · 08/12/2018 19:39

Will do!

Philomensapie · 09/12/2018 04:15

4.08 this morning. WTAF?!

FrostyMoanyWind · 09/12/2018 05:17

If you're putting him to bed at 540, when is he eating?? I was once advised a child won't generally still be asleep 12 hours after their last meal. So if you eat at 6pm, they'll be awake by 6am.

How accurate or on what basis that is, I don't know. For us it's a definite with DC1, and mainly holds for DC2. Of course it could be purely coincidental and a load of bollocks.

Philomensapie · 09/12/2018 05:27

It was only last night, as he's been waking up at 4.42 every morning this week, and at least he'd get a full night's sleep, if he'd woken up at 4.42. He ate at 5 last night, just because he was going to bed early.

Raisinbrain · 09/12/2018 05:30

DS2 (just turned 3) was waking up stupidly early but we've had success with a Gro Clock and now he doesn't come in to us until 6am. If he wakes earlier he sees that the sun's not up yet so he just stays in bed and goes back to sleep or looks at books.

Teateaandmoretea · 09/12/2018 07:17

But once your children are older you don't get evening time with just your spouse anyway. In some ways having toddlers if it works well is a golden time.

I'd put him to bed later and do it consistently rather than just once or twice (which doesn't work). Then use gro-clock to enforce you do not come out of your room till 6am.

Ilovecrumpets · 09/12/2018 07:18

Hi OP

Another one offering sympathy. This was my eldest DS and nothing i did really made a difference. I think at about near to 31/2 - 4 he started at least waking at 5.30. At 7 he still wakes at 6 at the latest. I tried everything as well, including moving bedtime later ( if I do this with DC2 he does wake later but a later beddtime still makes no difference to DC1 just a worse mood).

You have my sympathy as it is truly horrible and nearly broke me. I think though that my stressing about it and trying everything probably made it worse - as I was just so frustrated and angry by it all. I know it’s very hard but if you can try and accept it even a little bit it might make it a bit more bearable.

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