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Original poster

Does your DP list you as their Next of Kin ?

40 replies

ISeeARainbow · 04/12/2018 19:33

I’ve been with DP for 3 years & we’ve lived together for 18 months. We are late 40s.
My DP asked me to accompany him today for a routine hospital appointment for a possible elective ‘surgery ‘.
I sat in the waiting room for 3 hours.
When he filled out the forms he listed his Dad as his NOK. He sees his Dad 2x a year & probably speaks about 6 x a year.
He left home 35 years ago. So just curious who you list ?

OP posts:
LuckyAmy1986 · 04/12/2018 19:36

DH. Even before we were married I would have put him. You have been together long enough! (Imo)

Ffsnosexallowed · 04/12/2018 19:38

Dp is my nok. Does he understand what nok means??

IHaveBrilloHair · 04/12/2018 19:38

Does he perhaps think you have to put a blood relative?

FoodGloriousFud · 04/12/2018 19:39

We'd absolutely put each other.

SassitudeandSparkle · 04/12/2018 19:43

Hmm, I'm not sure there is any legal weight behind a NOK for an adult but there did seem to be a widely-held belief at one time that if you weren't married then your parents were your NOK. I wonder if he was thinking about that?

My DH is my NOK.

As a former HR worker, I'll take this chance to remind those of you who have a NOK on record at your place of work to keep it up to date too.

Original poster
ISeeARainbow · 04/12/2018 19:44

Well I’m hoping he knows it doesn’t have to be a relative- thought it was a bit Hmm

OP posts:
juneau · 04/12/2018 19:45

I'd put my DH, because we've been married for 14 years. A DP of three years, but no marriage? I'd put my dad.

juneau · 04/12/2018 19:48

"Next of Kin: the term has no legal definition in the United Kingdom. An individual can nominate any other individual as their next-of-kin. There is no requirement for the nominated person to be a blood relative or spouse, although it is normally the case."

DiamondsBestFriend · 04/12/2018 19:56

Have been with dp for nearly six years but we don’t live together.

My dad is listed as my NOK, and in fact when I was rushed into hospital two years ago the paramedics asked for NOK details and I automatically gave them my dad’s details even though my parents live 120 miles away.

Have also recently discussed giving my dad POA as I have to go in for major open heart surgery in the next few months so want to be sure that my affairs will be sorted in the event anything should go wrong.

Daisymay2 · 04/12/2018 20:03

Juneau - where did that quote come from please? Is there any guidance on ceasing to be NOK of the nominee requests it - or if the nominee as NOK has to agree to it?
DS had a difficult situation where a housemate put him and another friend as NOK at GPs without them knowing. The housemate then had 2 hospital attendances/admissions due to self harming and MH admissions. The NOK had lots of calls about the person and asked to escort them to appointments and told police would be asked to do welfare checks if they did not do it. It was a nightmare and they ended up writing to GP and hospital insisting that they were not NOK. Their concern was that they might be asked about turning off life support or something.

naicepineapple · 04/12/2018 20:18

I put my husband but when he was only my bf of 3 years, I put my mum.

IRememberSoIDo · 04/12/2018 20:20

I put my mum until I got married and we were together 7 years up to that point.

LuckyAmy1986 · 04/12/2018 20:20

Did you say anything?

rosy71 · 04/12/2018 20:21

I always put my mum. I assumed because dp & I aren't married that he wasn't nok.

Birdsgottafly · 04/12/2018 21:11

Daisymay2, that's really bad. There is a legally defined clisest relative, under the Mental Health Act and they should have looked beyond the NOK.

OP if it bothers you, you need to discuss it with him.

If you live together I think you should always discuss Funeral etc arrangements.

Daisymay2 · 05/12/2018 09:37

It was birdsgottafly.
She point blank refused to give any contact details for family as she did not want parents to know anything. They knew the Town where she lived and the general area but not much else.
Not sure what happenedafter they wrote refusing to be NOK but they were very stressed having her in the house as there was no M H followup and her behaviour was erratic.

MulticolourMophead · 05/12/2018 09:56

I've just done a quick Google, and juneau's post seems to be correct. I found many references to the fact that in the UK, NOK has no legal definition, and can therefore be whoever you nominate.

While there's nothing on GOV.uk, there are references to this on the citizen's advice site, various hospital sites and other sites dealing with legal stuff.

FilledSoda · 05/12/2018 10:05

I never knew you could put someone you weren't related to as NOK.
I've always assumed it was spouse child parent or sibling.
Isn't that what ' kin' is ?
Family , as in kith and kin.
Sorry op, I would have done the same as your partner .

Thecomfortador · 05/12/2018 10:11

That's interesting. When I had my first midwife appointment for ds1, I said DP was my nok, but she wouldn't let me put him down as we're not married - said it had to be a parent (who didn't know I was pregnant). Feeling annoyed now, as I was at the time.

RagingWhoreBag · 05/12/2018 10:17

DP of 6 years was recently admitted to hospital (I drove him there and sat with him for 4 hours in A&E.

When they asked him for his NOK he said his brother.

Once it became clear he was going to need surgery I asked him why he hadn’t said me. I explained that if something happened while he was in surgery and they needed NOK’s permission to do something they would have to try and contact his DB in the middle of the night, whereas I was already here!

He said he thought it was just who they would inform if he died, and as I was already there, I’d know.

I did point out that I’d probably let his brother know too!

In the end I went up to reception and asked them to change it, which they did without needing to see the little video I made of him asking them to change it to me.

Fortunately it wasn’t needed anyway, but it was a symptom of a wider problem in our case, which is me feeling that I’m not really part of his family.

I feel like him and his brothers are ‘the primary family’, then he has his family with his DCs (ex is still very chummy and involved) and I’m the third tier of family. The NOK issue seemed to spell that out to me, but to him it was just an instinctive answer.

MulticolourMophead · 05/12/2018 10:19

Some examples I found for NOK;

Royal Free Hospital

St Christopher's Hospice

a solicitor's site

All state that NOK can be anyone.

It shouldn't be confused with who inherits what when someone has died without leaving a will, that's covered by different rules.

juneau · 05/12/2018 10:22

Daisymay2 I got it from Wikipedia and I posted it because it surprised me. To me, that phrase 'next-of-kin' means someone's closest blood relative (and, in fact, that's what it means in many countries - so it would be your parents, your spouse or your child). In the UK though, you can literally nominate anyone - including your housemate - and you don't even need their permission to do so, which IMO is wrong, given that it can be a seriously onerous responsibility!

juneau · 05/12/2018 10:23

To clarify: Wikipedia had reposted the info from the St Christopher's Hospice website.

naicepineapple · 05/12/2018 10:29

@juneau your spouse isn't a blood relative Confused hopefully

juneau · 05/12/2018 10:32

If you have kids together, then they are - right? But your spouse should know your wishes, plus the marriage vow promises to take care of one another in sickness and in health, etc.

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