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Original poster

Does your DP list you as their Next of Kin ?

40 replies

ISeeARainbow · 04/12/2018 19:33

I’ve been with DP for 3 years & we’ve lived together for 18 months. We are late 40s.
My DP asked me to accompany him today for a routine hospital appointment for a possible elective ‘surgery ‘.
I sat in the waiting room for 3 hours.
When he filled out the forms he listed his Dad as his NOK. He sees his Dad 2x a year & probably speaks about 6 x a year.
He left home 35 years ago. So just curious who you list ?

OP posts:
Suebnm · 05/12/2018 10:36

I'm married so put my husband.

If I wasn't married I would have put my dad.

I really do think if your boyfriend wants to put his dad and feels more comfortable with him as his next of kin than you, then he should be allowed to without questioning. Assuming he's a fully functioning adult of course.

naicepineapple · 05/12/2018 10:44

If you have kids together, then they are - right? But your spouse should know your wishes, plus the marriage vow promises to take care of one another in sickness and in health, etc.

They're a relative and your next of kin but they're not a blood relative (unless you married your cousin of course)

BarbedBloom · 05/12/2018 10:52

My husband is mine but he was also mine when he was my boyfriend. I thought about who i would want to know first in an accident and who I would want making decisions if it came to that

Ginkythefangedhellpigofdoom · 05/12/2018 11:59

It's a difficult one for adults who have come from abusive homes/care but don't have a marriage partner.

Iv seen a couple of time with different people a hospital either refuse to take a (longterm 10-20 years) best friend as the contact and insist it needs to be a parent or at least sibling.
Eventually she lied and said a name of someone but said they were a family member even though they weren't.

Or twice Iv seen abusive (n/c) parent/s appearing out of the woodwork trying to make (sometimes serious) medical decisions despite the patient choosing and naming a specific person which the hospital then felt they had to listen to the parents.

Both times Iv had to secretly share their horrific histories with medical staff (which I should never have had to do) so they have understood why both scenarios absolutely can't happen. In the 2nd example my friend eventually told the hospital that if her family were not removed she would sue everyone involved then explicitly stated her father was a convicted sex offender (against her and others) and if he comes near her she couldn't be held responsible for her actions.

This is a really long way of saying there needs to be a clear and easy and universally recognised way to state who you want to be responsible for your medical and care decisions.

juneau · 05/12/2018 12:43

They're a relative and your next of kin but they're not a blood relative (unless you married your cousin of course)

I get what you're saying, but you ARE related by blood to your spouse (or DP), if you have DC, because you have created a blood bond between you through your DC.

The awful situations that Ginky talks about above shouldn't really happen in the UK, due to the next of kin rules that exist here. It sounds like the medical staff misunderstood who is allowed to be next of kin, and thought it had to be a blood relative, when it apparently doesn't. I do think that all NoK should be consulted though, unless it's an obvious one like parent/child or spouses.

naicepineapple · 05/12/2018 12:52

🙈

Does your DP list you as their Next of Kin ?
naicepineapple · 05/12/2018 12:52

A blood bond isn't a thing

juneau · 05/12/2018 12:54

By blood bond I mean physically related.

PoesyCherish · 05/12/2018 12:58

If you have kids together, then they are - right?

So what you're saying is DP's ex-wife should be his NOK because they have a DC together?

DP and I have put each other for the last 2 years. We've been together 3 years but known each other as really good friends for a lot longer and both come from abusive homes so sure as shit don't want our parents making difficult medical decisions.

naicepineapple · 05/12/2018 13:03

@juneau having a child with someone doesn't make them a blood relation. The blood relation is the child, not the person you had it with.

Xuli · 05/12/2018 13:05

Definitely. After we'd been together a few years and moved in together then we became each others NOK on all the forms. Basically, once we hit the point where we might have got married, had that been on the cards, we named each other as NOK and beneficiary on insurance and critical illness and all that.

juneau · 05/12/2018 13:06

No, I'm not saying that poesy. I'm saying that you ARE related to your spouse if you have DC with them. But as I've said numerous times on this thread, you have have whoever the fuck you like as your NoK in this country.

Openup41 · 05/12/2018 13:09

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at poster's request.

naicepineapple · 05/12/2018 13:19

@juneau you're related to your husband or wife (through marriage) whether you have children or not. You're not a blood relation of your husband or wife though.
A blood relation is someone born into the same family, parents, siblings, children, cousins.

TattiePants · 05/12/2018 13:36

We are both each others NOK and have been since we started living together. We've both had new passports this year and I did put our DM's details as our emergency contact instead of each other - I assume if anything happens to me abroad then DH has probably met the same fate!

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