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Original poster

Neighbour dispute - I am desperate!

49 replies

NeighbourDispute · 03/12/2018 11:02

I’ve name changed as I have no idea if this woman uses Mumsnet.

Background: Myself and my partner live in a block of flats, second floor, private rented. We have recently had a baby who is now 10 weeks old. Before baby was born we had a good relationship with the lady who lives below us, she lives alone. Both myself and my partner used to go to bed 8/9pm at night as we are both early risers for work. Last Christmas lady downstairs knocked on our door with a bottle of wine and said how we were considerate neighbours.

Ever since we have brought our baby home from the hospital she has started banging on her ceiling/our floor as soon as we get up to walk or our baby cries.

Neighbour asked my partner one day a few weeks ago if we could feed and change our baby in a different room as it is keeping her awake. We were understandably mortified as we don’t want to be seen as nightmare neighbours. However I had a CSection and it was a struggle (sometimes still is to be honest) to physically pick my baby up from the cot and carry her through to our living room.

So what we started to do was stay awake until 11pm to give baby her last feed/nappy change and settle her in the living room. Then put her in her cot in the bedroom and go to sleep ourselves. We have also bought massive rugs for the living room and bedroom to try and minimise sound, something we really cant afford right now but we sucked it up.

The past couple of weeks the banging has changed from being just at night to all through the day. As soon as one of us gets up to do anything we are met with a constant BANG BANG BANG for ages.

It’s got to the point now that I feel anxious to hear my baby cry as I know the banging will start. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. Last night at 6pmish I was making dinner and she was just banging for ages. I went downstairs and knocked on her door, she answered it with a rolling pin in her hand (she obviously uses it to bang on her ceiling). I asked if we could talk about this and she just screamed in my face “I’ll get you evicted you fucking bitch”.

I had enough and called 101 who sent out officers. I’m ashamed to say I burst into tears as the confrontation shook me up. The officers said we had done nothing wrong and went downstairs to talk to her. I could hear her shouting and the officers trying to calm her down, they told us to call back if anymore banging and 999 if she approaches me in the communal area when I am with the baby.

Now since my husband has left for work she is banging on the floor every hour or so and I can hear her screaming “You fucking bitch”. Honestly I am so intimidated, I’m scared to call the police again incase it escalates further. If this woman turns violent to me in a communal area and I am with my baby I physically don’t have the strength to defend myself because of my CSection scar which is still healing.

I’m just looking for reassurance really I feel so isolated and I don’t want to ring my husband and worry him while he is working.

OP posts:
SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 03/12/2018 11:05

She sounds like she has some issues to be honest! I would follow the police's advice and report the banging. She is well.out of order behaving like this.

AornisHades · 03/12/2018 11:05

Call the police back. They obviously think she's behaving erratically so get them back.

TheLittlestLightOnTheTree · 03/12/2018 11:06

I think you should keep a diary for this kind of thing

Who is her landlord? Or is it owned?

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UpstartCrow · 03/12/2018 11:06

Call 101 straight away, and then complain to your landlord. You have the right to enjoy your home without harassment. Flowers

Snowwontbelong · 03/12/2018 11:07

Ring the Council and file a complaint( nuisance neighbour) Do you know who her ll is?

NotAllIndividuals · 03/12/2018 11:08

Call 101 again, keep a record of when she carries on. There is nothing more you can do to reduce the noise.

If it cheers you up at all our neighbour is a raging alcoholic who sings loudly to herself and rants at the TV. She's currently making noises like she's been tied up on the floor by kidnappers in-between hollering rhetorical questions to no-one at all. I feel totally fine when the LO kicks off at all hours, seems a fair exchange!

strawberrypenguin · 03/12/2018 11:10

All the police back. They advised you to and you can't live like that.

PoshPenny · 03/12/2018 11:11

It's very simple.

You do EXACTLY as the police told you if she starts banging or kicks off in any way again.

They must have some concerns about her themselves for them to have said that.

QuickBugQn · 03/12/2018 11:11

You absolutely need to call the police back.

Santasushi · 03/12/2018 11:16

Call 101. They must have had a reason to be so concerned last time. Also you could look at it as a record of her behaviour.
I know it’s scary but you can’t continue to live like this. What happens when your LO is on the move?

gamerchick · 03/12/2018 11:17

You need to call them back. She's obviously behaving irrationally and they know this. You can't be scared to do normal household noise.

This is a person who really shouldn't be living in a flat.

Chocolala · 03/12/2018 11:18

You do what the police said to do.

Scottishmum12 · 03/12/2018 11:19

That really sounds awful what a horrible person, keep a record of everything, I would record also and contact police because you feel scared in your own home with a new born baby that's not fair on you at all. Hope you get it resolved.

EarlyModernParent · 03/12/2018 11:22

When she escalates her bad behaviour, you escalate by calling the police. Please don't back down now or you will be worse off than ever.

In fact, it is good that your neighbour is too weird/angry/dotty to act nicely in front of the police: it means they fully understand how awful she is being and are ready to help you.

SoupDragon · 03/12/2018 11:24

I would keep a log and record the banging/shouting for a few days and then call the police back.

HippoLatte · 03/12/2018 11:31

Call the police!! That really isn't acceptable and she's behaving really badly.

olivertwistwantsmore · 03/12/2018 11:33

Record her. Call the police back each time.
Keep a diary.
Contact your landlord.
She sounds batshit.

BollocksToBrexit · 03/12/2018 11:45

I agree with PPs. Call the police everytime she starts and keep a log.

Rudgie47 · 03/12/2018 11:45

I'd call the police back and start keeping a diary.
I'd also be making steps to move as it probably wont get better with her and it takes months to evict people and they have loads of warnings etc first.
My friends had years of this and worse from the NDN and it took years to evict her and that was a HA property.

ScrambledSmegs · 03/12/2018 11:52

I would record her and call the police too.

I really feel for you, I know how terrifying this is as we had similar with our downstairs neighbour when my youngest was newborn. Mine was.a legal professional though so knew how to keep it just the right side of targeted harassment despite the fact that she was obviously very ill. Luckily (!) with your neighbour it's obviously directed at you and the police should be able to help.

Original poster
NeighbourDispute · 03/12/2018 11:56

Thank you for your advice. I am going to start a diary like so many of you have suggested. I have been advised before but kept putting it off, but I feel really intimidated now.

I will contact the police again but I am scared to do it while I am on my own here with my baby. I’d feel more comfortable if it was done whilst DH is here. Incase after they leave she comes up to my door. I do suspect mental health issues but I dont want to assume or armchair diagnose. The officers suspected the same which is why they seemed concerned with her approaching me in communal areas.

Also part of me doesn’t want to factor in the mental health issues because I start to feel genuinely terrible for her. What if she has noise sensitivity or what if me sending police to her door has sent her in a tailspin. But I know I can’t live like this because it’s affecting me mentally too and I think in these circumstances I need to put my family first. Part of me feels really sorry for her as I can hear her downstairs and she is clearly distressed. She goes from crying/moaning to banging on my floor and abusing me.

OP posts:
TJsAunt · 03/12/2018 12:04

Scary stuff - agree with everything everyone has said... but also - this wont' go away quickly or easily whatever you do IMO - is there any feasible way you can move?

Santasushi · 03/12/2018 12:04

If that’s the case op you may be helping her by calling the police.
Can anyone come and be with you until your dh gets home?

Racecardriver · 03/12/2018 12:11

I think you should do as the police say. If she is genuinely suffering so much from the noise then seems likely that she will get violent at some point.

Biancadelriosback · 03/12/2018 12:13

If she has noise sensitivity then she shouldn't like under someone else. You focus on you and your baby. Youre not making excessive noise and if you put this woman ahead of yours and your child's comfort you won't forgive yourself later on