How to get anywhere on time with a baby

[BadgerBodger]

I have a 12 week old DD. I have attempted to go to mother/baby groups twice now and have failed both times.

The first time i needed to leave at 1pm to get there on time. I revolved my whole morning around going to this. I walked the dog early and did all my organising early. Once back from the dog walk, i realised the dog had peed all over his crate so i had to get the mop out and clean everything, including putting all his bedding in the wash as he'd saturated everything. Then i needed to feed and change the baby. Things are all a bit rushed now. 1pm comes along and baby decides she now wants a nice nap! So i just gave up as i knew she'd be grouchy if i forced her to get her coat on and get in the car.

Today i tried again. Needed to leave the house at 9am. Again, i revolved my morning around it. Got up at 6.30am and sorted myself out. Got to 8.30am and she'd been sleeping for a while so decided to wake her to feed and change her. She decided to drink slower than normal, that's fine. By this point we'll be 5-10mins late. Not too much of a problem. Put her coat on and get in the car. It's absolutely pouring it down with rain. Strap her into the car seat. She starts crying, one side of my car is soaking wet where i left the door open whilst trying to put her in. I still needed to get the pram into the car. I was also soaking wet. Again, i just gave up.

I really don't feel like it should be this difficult to get anywhere. How does anyone else manage it?
Or should i just soldier on and arrive at these groups with a screaming baby and looking like i've been dragged through a hedge backwards??

You have to either be very early or late.

i knew she'd be grouchy if i forced her to get her coat on and get in the car.

I know this isn't what the thread is about but why would you need to put her coat on? Babies in car seats shouldn't be wearing coats.

They grow up and you have another child so the world cannot revolve around that one child anymore and you often have no option to be late.

I have four DC and three are in primary school. They need to be on school on time so I have to work with my five week old around this routine. I wake up earlier to wake him up to change, dress and feed before we set off to school. It often feels like a military operation but they’re never late.

It's normal IME and most people with similar aged babies understand! There should be a "soft" starting time for most groups so it really doesn't matter if you're half an hour to an hour after the advertised time, unless it's some kind of scheduled activity. I'd aim for a window of 15 mins before the start time to about 15-30 mins after the start time. If you get there early, walk about with the buggy unless it's the kind of place you can go into early anyway. YYY it's totally okay to arrive with screaming baby looking harrassed :) It's defo normal for the group to be the only thing you manage in a day/morning/afternoon. It's a bugger of a time of year to try as well because the rain makes everything so much more difficult.

However I would defo interrupt a nap to go, especially if the nap hadn't started yet. Likewise I think if there are several things you have to do for the baby - feed, change and put coat on, it's advisable to allow extra time (particularly if woken for this, as that makes them grumpier) so either wake at 8.20 or so, or let her sleep and then feed and change her when you get there. If it's a baby group, they'll have changing facilities. I tend to find that being in the car seat in a moving vehicle makes mine happy even if he was upset about something like a nappy or hunger or being woken up. He'll protest at being put into the seat but if I get absolutely everything else ready so I just have to strap him in, pick up bags and go, it works.

Practicalities - put baby into the car seat in the house and carry to the car so that door is open for the minimum of time. If you don't have a car seat base, it's a bit of a faff but you can put the car seat in, push over to middle seat, sit in back of car yourself and close door, then reach over to manouevre and strap seat in on opposite side, get out and go back to sort pram out. You can also get raincovers for car seats which might help. If it's a fixed seat, just carry her to the car and again sit in the back and put her in from the opposite side. Once she's in return to the house and get the pram. Think about whether you even need the pram or whether you can carry her into the group, if parking is convenient, or bring a sling instead if you think you can easily put it on in the rain too. WRT parking think about the best place to go - for example, is there a multi-storey or underground car park nearby, even if it's part of a shopping centre or something? That would take the rain out of the equation too. If it's a bit of a further walk, at least you would be moving, rather than standing trying to sort things out.

NB sorry I know you didn't ask this, but are you aware it's advised not to use bulky/puffy coats in a car seat? If you had a crash it could be quite dangerous as they tend to make the straps too loose. No harm done of course if you've been doing this already, but it would be a good idea to switch to a blanket over the strapped-in baby unless you have a thin fleece type coat for her.

I think unless you're going to a set activity (which is more like a class) I'd just live with being early/late. I sometimes go early so I can get a drive through and then baby will sleep in the car park. I keep a mini make up kit in the car so if I rush out I can at least look presentable when I arrive!

I sympathise though because it can sound easy but is of course hard and we all get frazzled. Everyone there is the same though so don't worry!

My advice would be to soldier on. Everyone has bad days and you wouldn't be the only one looking like you'd been dragged through a hedge backwards. My DD is 2.5 and I still regularly look not at my best!

Also, you need to get out and do it just to build your confidence that you can (even if it feels like it's killing you!).

Could you find something that didn't have a strict start time, like a baby group rather than a class, so it's less problematic if you're late?

Try it again when the weather's fine.

Good luck!

I had the same issues (what parent doesn't?!). My lightbulb moment came when I realised that leaving at 1 (for example) meant in the car pulling out of the drive at 1 pm. Not as I had previously been doing which was starting to get shoes/coat on, doing wee, locking house and walking up to car at 1. Which with kids can take anything up to 15-20 minutes. So now if we have to be in the car leaving at 1 pm, all the preparing to leave nonsense starts at least 15 minutes beforehand.

I have also stopped my habit of thinking I have a job to do which will take 5 minutes, and I have 5 minutes until I have to leave so I'll do it. It invariably doesn't take 5 minutes.

It also helps if stuff is ready in advance - the changing bag is always by the door ready to go, if I've used something out of it then I replace it as soon as I can once I get home because I'll only forget about it otherwise, and then will have a mad panic when it's time to leave next time, and forget something critical (like nappies - not that I have ever done that. Oh no, not me ).

It does get easier, so don't be too hard on yourself

Oh OP I sympathise it was weeks before I got anywhere before noon when my baby was born. I still struggle now sometimes and he is 1! On my more organised days, these things sometimes help:

Keep changing big bag stocked with nappies, muslins, toys and keep it in the car so you don’t have to lug it about in the morning.

Put pram in the car in the evening if you will need it the next day. Keep a blanket in the car too so you are never having to look for one in morning.

Do everything you can in evening to save time in the morning. Shower at night or at least remove makeup. Make a pile of clothes for you and baby, including undies and shoes so you don’t have to think/search. Get swimming bags or whatever ready.

Spend less time on hair and makeup if you need to be somewhere early. Scrape back hair and put a bit of mascara on and go.

Ignore housework til you get home and baby naps.

Sometimes though you will just have to be late. People are very forgiving when you have a new baby to look after. Even now it’s a good day if I catch a play group for the last hour!

I feel for you, op and was exactly the same! I think at 12 weeks, I was just about managing to get out, but never on time.
Baby can sleep at the group, gives you chance for a cup of tea!
You will get the hang of it, but it takes time so don't worry

Fill up your changing bag on the way in from a trip out. I know it doesnt feature in what youve mentioned but having one thing always ready to go is just reassuring.

It’s totally normal with your first.

With subsequent ones they just go in the car seat/ plan for the school run and that’s that.
I can’t quite pin down why, except for you’re learning to be a parent , and I think you lower your standards!
And my subsequent seemed happier not to have all my energy and attention poured into them and to just fit in with family life.
But op you’re not getting anything wrong, it’s almost universal .

As long as you aren't putting a coat on your child in the car seat (!) - www.goodeggcarsafety.com/blog/winter-coats-and-car-seats-the-winter-facts-every-parent-needs-to-know.html
The rest will come with time

Just go anyway. Mother/baby groups are the best places to be late to. Everyone is always sorting out a nappy/hungry baby/child who has randomly decided to cry for no obvious reason.

I go to a toddler group with DS (he’s 2 and he’s my second) and there’s crowds of us all turning up 20-30 mins late. No one cares, it’s not like you’re standing up a friend at a restaurant.

I set my phone clock 8 minutes fast, I'm rarely late because I panic thinking I have less time than I have. Works a charm.

Ah it’s just practice and experience. I can get 4 under 5’s fed, dressed and out the door with (only the absolutely necessary) bits I need in 30-40 mins. You just stay focused and don’t get distracted by the baby. Plus there is a lot of stuff you don’t need but people spend ages preparing. Also if baby cries, so what. You’ll deal with them in a minute when you’ve a moment.

Hard to do it on your first baby when you’re new to it all.

You just need to be organised. I've got 3 and school runs. Never late. Bags packed night before, pram lives in car. If I know they may need a bottle around the time I need to leave, I'll give them a bit before to tide them over until we get where we need to be. Comes with practice so just crack on and keep going.

I think it's really good to have things on.
I've been doing Story and Rhyme time and swimming lessons since my daughter was young - both things are on at a fixed time.
My tips are to get as much done in advance as possible. For example try to get the buggy in the car the night before. In theory I could just about make swimming if I left the house at 11:40, but I leave between 10:00 and 11:00. If I've got plenty of time I will do some grocery shopping and pop into a coffee shop on route, if I don't I will drop the shop or coffee shop or both. Also, if she's asleep I'll put her in the car anyway. She tends to go to sleep in the car anyway.

Thanks for all the advice. I'm not a perfectionist so still can't understand for the life of me why it's all such a hassle. I am currently on maternity leave and despite my DD being a really good baby (doesn't cry much at all), i am constantly busy. I can't explain how. I'm sure i will get more apt at it as time goes on. I couldn't possibly imagine having 2 of them to get out the house, let alone 4. I'd never leave!

I do like to make sure she'd had a nap before we go out. Only because she won't sleep on me and likes to lie down in her Moses basket for it. If she's tired at the group i can just see her screaming the place down and us having to leave.

On the first occasion I'd have put her in the car and let her nap on the way. I kept the pram in the boot, and a well stocked changing bag in the car. It gets easier.

I didn't leave the house for the first 6 months basically. Zero guilt about it too! Just didn't have the energy to faff.

It's not that you are failing and can't get there. It's just that you've (understandably) made a different, albeit last minute, choice and allowed your baby a nap on her own schedule, and yourself that time to chill. You could have got there if you wanted. Enjoy this - with your first, you're able to be uniquely responsive and adapt to her needs. It's different with subsequent children as you're balancing more needs and prioritise differently. Equally if one day you need to get out - for emergency san pro or adult company - your daughter will just have to come along, whether she is grumpy or sleeping or anything in between.

still can't understand for the life of me why it's all such a hassle

Even easy children aren’t easy

She's 12 weeks old. If the most successful thing you accomplish in the day is managing to finish a cup of tea whilst it's still hot then you're doing it right.

I do remember that phase well, its was just a bit of a lottery sometimes. Having everything planned the night before helped alot, also lower your standards re cleanliness ( not with clearing up after the dog) but things like clearing breakfast things can wait until your home maybe.

Do try and get out when you can as it really does help with moods and seeing people.

Mine are now teens and the reason I responded is trying to get them out of the house for school at 7.15 am is the equivalent of me trying to get to a baby group when DS was born. It took 3 weeks of me trying to get it to worK!