How to get anywhere on time with a baby

[BadgerBodger]

I have a 12 week old DD. I have attempted to go to mother/baby groups twice now and have failed both times.

The first time i needed to leave at 1pm to get there on time. I revolved my whole morning around going to this. I walked the dog early and did all my organising early. Once back from the dog walk, i realised the dog had peed all over his crate so i had to get the mop out and clean everything, including putting all his bedding in the wash as he'd saturated everything. Then i needed to feed and change the baby. Things are all a bit rushed now. 1pm comes along and baby decides she now wants a nice nap! So i just gave up as i knew she'd be grouchy if i forced her to get her coat on and get in the car.

Today i tried again. Needed to leave the house at 9am. Again, i revolved my morning around it. Got up at 6.30am and sorted myself out. Got to 8.30am and she'd been sleeping for a while so decided to wake her to feed and change her. She decided to drink slower than normal, that's fine. By this point we'll be 5-10mins late. Not too much of a problem. Put her coat on and get in the car. It's absolutely pouring it down with rain. Strap her into the car seat. She starts crying, one side of my car is soaking wet where i left the door open whilst trying to put her in. I still needed to get the pram into the car. I was also soaking wet. Again, i just gave up.

I really don't feel like it should be this difficult to get anywhere. How does anyone else manage it?
Or should i just soldier on and arrive at these groups with a screaming baby and looking like i've been dragged through a hedge backwards??

You need to be getting DCs things ready an hour before,.have the changing bag, bottles etc packed and by the door. 10mins before you need to go baby needs a nappy change and cardigan & mittens on (not a coat for safety, DD 16 weeks has a thick cardigan with a hood). She should be straight in the car seat then. If they grizzle that's ok, if they sleep in the car that's ok to. Preferably feed baby 30mins before you need to leave but if they don't want it or they're asleep just feed them when you get there.

I always have a changing bag packed for emergencies. I was so grateful for this when we had to take DD to a&e last week.

Relax some of your expectations and be ok with baby feeding and napping on the go. It's important to be able to do this for medical apts etc.

I had this with my first. With dd2 I just had to go for it! Sometimes we were late, sometimes we didn't make it but mostly we got places on time. I find that sometimes starting early is actually worse as you find more things to do before you leave the house. Always have a bag packed, coats and shoes ready in the hallway, know how you are getting there, don't overthink it. Then go!

Sounds like two shit mornings tbh OP!
Agree that you have to start leaving 15 mins before you need to leave, I don't know why it's 15 minutes but it is.
I keep a big 'shit bag' that I just chuck everything it, sometimes the baby goes out without socks on or a hat. It's all in the bag and can be sorted once we arrive. You'll get there.

Leave much earlier than makes any logical sense. My group is a ten minute drive away so I aim to leave half an hour before the session. Doesn't mean I'm always out the door for then though. The trick is, if you're ready half an hour before, leave half an hour before. If you decide to give it ten minutes for it to be a reasonable time when you get there, all is lost.

My DD is 14 weeks. In the last couple of weeks we seem to have sussed getting out of the house. I've worked out exactly how long it takes for us both to be ready. It's 2 hours so I know that I need to get up 2 hours before we need to leave. That includes showering, bathing baby, feeding us both and doing the few quick things around the house to keep it presentable (I hate having to come back to it).

The other things I do now are:

Sort all feeding equipment the night before so I only have the flask of hot water to do.

Have the changing bag packed the night before.

Put the pram in the car.

If DD looks like she's going to fall asleep before we go out, I put her in the pram or car seat so I don't have to wake her up when we need to leave.

I'm not sure how you're feeding your baby but I'm formula feeding. At 12 weeks I changed from feeding on demand to a schedule. I figured that in a couple of months she'll go onto breakfast, lunch and dinner when we start solids so may as well try now. It works so much better as I know when she'll feed each day (obviously if she's showing signs of hunger I'll feed her anyway but she tends not to as the schedule works). I find it easier for planning trips out - if feeding is likely to clash with us getting out we get there early.

I could have written the exact same thing when my toddler was small. I struggle with organisation and time-keeping and having to get a baby to various appointments has helped so much.
What I did was:
I only did one time-bound class, swimming. I got ready the night before and tried to get up extra early. It was always struggle to get there as it was a far away walk but totally worth it, we really enjoyed it.
The rest of the time I met friends or went to drop in groups. I really didn't want to waste precious nap time making small chat at baby groups when I could have been reading/ relaxing / doing chores. Although maybe different if you really want the social outlet of the groups.
Anyway it gets so much better. Sometimes you have to go with the flow.

Basically you have more children and realise you have no choice but to leave the house at 8.15am for the school run, regardless of whether the baby is awake/asleep/dressed or fed!

I was the same with DC1, it was awful. DC3 and 4 were born just in time for the September school run, but early enough for DH to have gone back to work from paternity.

It was easier with 3 or 4 because by then I’d learnt all the short cuts. I had a few of good slings (one was kept in the car), I would also quite often keep the pushchair in the car. I’d get to mother and baby group and the baby would still be in their baby grow (nappy changed and fed obviously) so I’d get them dressed there. I also had a bag packed the night before.

I also used to (and still tbh) have a weeks worth of my clothes lined up so that it was literally no effort to get dressed.

It is frustrating in the early days when you do all the prep but still you’re late! Hang in there and be kind to yourself op!

I found that at 4 months (currently 7 months) my baby fell into more of a routine and I was then able to plan around that. My baby likes to sleep flat in the cot as well.

Congratulations.

Priorities what’s important (I.e making bottles if applicable, dog walking etc) and do these things. If non essential things are not done do them later. Put baby in the car seat inside the house, don’t put a jacket on them in the put them in a car seat that’s dangerous do use blankets over the top. It’s really about routine and right now your still establishing one. My oldest has asd and adhd and is always in school on time and that takes some organisation. I shower myself, get my hair, make up down then normally dh will have given the kids breakfast (if he can’t I just get up earlier) then I get them dressed, teeth brushed etc and ready for 8 am. Time to do packed lunches, check school bag etc but all baths are done the night before. I always take my toddler to groups even if it’s tired as it helps with routine.

As it’s your first your routine revolves around them you need to make it work better for you. Obviously factoring in feeding and changing but take them out tired or not. Babies can nap in car seats and prams.

You’re adapting to your baby and she hardly cries, you’re doing great.

Definitely if you need to leave at 1pm, that actually means to need to do the first opening of the front door at 12:45. And then you might leave at 1. DS’s school is ten minutes walk away. We start putting on shoes 30 minutes before drop off starts. We usually arrive a little flustered, certainly not early haha.

If you are ready early - leave early. I don’t drive but I have friends who keep a book in the car so if they’ve left early for something and the baby falls asleep in the car seat they will park up and sit and read in the car until they have to get out.

I did drive back when I had my first but couldn’t get driving and screaming child to work for me. I walk and use buses exclusively now. I know it’s not possible for everyone and depends where you live but it’s worth thinking about. Doesn’t matter if you are frazzled - someone else is driving, you aren’t a danger. If baby is upset - you can sling them. If baby needs a feed - you can feed on the bus. Etc.

Get up, and go out. Straight away - don’t plan the time, dont plan anything for the baby around a specific time, don’t get loads of stuff ready. You really, really need very little. It’s the stuff and faff that takes all your time, not the baby. You do you, the baby is just along for the ride. They can get fed, rested, changed literally anywhere. You can’t. So do you, and leave. Put them in whatever you are taking them out in and just go.

Babies have extra needs to fit into the day, yes, but all their needs are met by being with you - not by being in a specific place. Because of that need to be with you, they just have to fit in with your plans, with what you need to do, and the needs of the rest of the household and family. ‘‘Twas always thus.

I also have a 12 week old, but I also have a 7yr old who I have to get to and from school and various clubs. I have no choice but to be on time whatever state we're in! This can mean transferring a sleeping baby into the car seat and then her screaming her head off on the school run because she's been woken up.

I've so far missed a baby group once due to DD throwing up her milk (reflux, not illness before anyone says about taking a sick baby to groups) The kind of projectile reflux that requires bathing. So by the time I'd bathed her and dressed her, the class had already started. It's not the sort of casual group you can pop in and out of at a time that suits you. So there will be times when I'll be late or miss things altogether but apart from unforeseen circumstances, you just have to organise everything you need in advance and get out the door.

You missed those groups due to the rain/dog piss rather than the baby though.

I think the thing with 2/3/4th babies is you realise they just need to be dressed (babygro counts) and they can sleep on the way and feed/change when you get there.

dont worry, Ive missed groups, Ive attended groups when my baby cried all the way through, slept all the way through and bf all the way through, and Im pretty certain I always looked like id been dragged through a hedge :)

I can clearly remember attending a baby group with my first about that age. Started at 9.30. I made it for about 10am, and I wasn't the last. Another Mum was on her 2nd, and casually mentioned the baby had been for his jabs that morning. We all looked on in absolute awe.

I also remember having a meltdown at the health visitor when it took me all day to organised to get to baby clinic for 2pm, only to find it wasn't on.

2nd time round, completely different baby and it was fine. I think with the first, life revolves around them. With the 2nd, they just have to fit in. Never have managed to be early for the school run though.

I really struggled with this too, and my baby is a major crier (or SCREAMER is more apt...), and doesn't sleep much in the daytime, and is very clingy. And I have GAD. So I get how tough it feels, my only good fortune is that DD was a summer baby so I managed to get more used to stuff when the weather was still good, I get that it's an extra barrier now that it's cold and rainy. I only started to feel like I could competently leave the house around the 12 week mark and it wasn't til 4 months that it felt less stressful. She's 5 months now and it's generally not bad, but even now I have to majorly plan in advance, and we don't go anywhere in the mornings as she's such a pain then sleeping and crying on and off, and the rain complicates things sometimes too (I don't drive).

My tips, especially given how difficult my DD is:

• Pack changing bag ready the night before. I always do this when DH is with DD doing her bedtime stuff on an evening. I pack it and keep it ready underneath the changing table.
• Never give up if you've got as far as you did before with gettin her in the car/pram etc - if you've made it that far, you've done the worst parts! Just power on through and you will always be glad you did. Often I leave the house with a full-on screaming baby who screams for 10 minutes whilst I get everything last-minute sorted to leave the house, screams as I fasten her into the pram, screams as we leave and walk down the road...but she calms down and then I'm glad I did it!
• Go to drop-in sessions, so it doesn't matter if you are late. I am still yet to pay for anything other than cinema or book a course of sessions of anything because DD is a difficult, unpredictable baby. So it doesn't matter if I'm late for drop-ins and I've not wasted my money, I can just leave if I really have to (which I've never had to yet, and she can be pretty bad!).
• If you struggle for time when baby is sleeping, see if you can yourself showered and ready whilst they sit in a bouncer or lay on a mat and watch you. I tend to do this as DD hardly naps.
• Make sure you start doing everything at least 15 minutes earlier than you need to. It's better to be early because especially if you're driving, your DC can sleep in the car for a bit anyway or you could drive around a bit or whatever. I do the same but I get her all ready and put her in the pram and then we either walk about a bit first or I push her in the hallway if I want her to sleep .

I think by 12 weeks I left the house almost every day, but a lot of that time it was for 1hr walk round the local shops, or just to my DParents house, or whatever. Relax your expectations of yourself. I go to a baby group once a week that we've been to most weeks since she was 7 weeks old, and it never ceases to amaze me when people turn up in full-face of makeup on time with a 3 week old, or like 5 week old twins . Those people are superhuman maybe. I'm not. But I can only try my best, and deal with the baby that I've got.

I had exactly the same issue at 12 weeks. Basically baby would wake up at different times every day, made it impossible to plan. Also I was exhausted and just wanted to stay in bed with the baby until 11am, so I missed at my noon classes.

It's fine to be late - many mums are! Grab the 10, 20 mins left of the class and then go out for a coffee with the mums 😊

My baby is 13 weeks old, and I totally understand what you are going through. Being organised only gets you so far. We can be ready an hour early, and still arrive half an hour late. As far as I can see, the only way to guarantee getting somewhere is to harden your heart and leave regardless. I know that if I had more than one child I would have to do this, but at the moment he is my only priority, so of course I will respond when he gets upset, and we miss a lot of things. However, he does tend to settle with movement, so I do quite often leave the house with a crying baby. I would absolutely turn back if he got more distressed though.
My advice is to pick activities with a flexible start time / drop in. Also, like others have said, don't worry about actually doing the activities when you're there. We went to sing and story session today which lasted half an hour. Spent the first fifteen minutes feeding, then had to do a nappy change, so DS didn't really benefit, but lets be honest, he's only 3months old so pretty oblivious anyway. He was happy enough, and I got to chat with the other Mums so for me it was worth going.
Good luck, and have faith it will get easier.

For now, find a group that has sessions at times you know you won't have to wake the baby to get there. This will change as the napping schedule changes.

Also, dump the coat and get some sort of sleeping bag/ jacket, and a carseat cover.

Keep the pram in the car, plus blankets and a nappy bag so you won't feel like a packhorse heading out the door.