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Trigger warning-violence (and drunken stupidityand horrible-ness)

28 replies

palooka47 · 02/12/2018 20:15

Name changed but been on here for a long time.

I've done something ever so stupid and I am so confused. I am not sure what I want from this post I just need to write it.

So about a year and a bit ago me and my partner moved to a new town-I had a work offer. Partner wasn't keen but was okay with it. They got sick of it and moved back. We had lived in a house share prior to this. A house share in a house I own-I rented two rooms out and we lived in the other. Partner is now back there.

Anyway since partner left I have been lonely and fed up, quite depressed and down. I have phoned partner expressing this and was told they didn't want to hear it 'shut up I'm going' 'stop having a go at me' 'I was unhappy don't make me feel guilty' etc.
Anyway I am glad they're happy. That's not the problem (and they are now, and weren't while here-fair enough).

We've sort of split but are acting pretty much the same with one another since. We visit one another, spend time together, sleep in same bed.

I freely admit I like a drink-we often went out to parties, we're in a community where It's the 'norm' our kids are grown however It's very rare I go beyond feeling a little bit drunk and thinking 'yeh maybe time to go home'. Partner isn't a problem drinker either.

Last week we went to see an event and we were both a bit tipsy when a friend asked to join us. I wasn't keen because I was tired and tipsy & would have rather ended the night there but I had missed said friend so said okay and we stayed out longer-went to a party we knew was on.

All was fine (don't get me wrong I wasn't like, slurring and stupid just a bit beyond my comfort zone).

Anyway when we got home (back to shared house) something happened. I have no idea what. One reason I HATE being more drunk than I am okay with is my memory completely goes- I don't have to be intoxicated for that to happen.

But I do remember arguing with partner. And I remember partner trying to strangle me. Hands around my neck. And I remember falling to the bottom of the stairs. Only I didn't fall-partner pushed me hard and I remember crying, sobbing at the bottom of the stairs. Another tenant of the house heard and came and picked me up.

Partner says can't remember either-apparently they were trying to sort something out in the bedroom, asked me to help and I spilt my drink. They remember pushing me down the stairs but cannot remember what the argument was about-this is so stupid, we had had such a good night, had a good giggle, seen our friends. WTF happened?
The next day I was teary, emotional and anxious.

I am so lucky , the stairs in that house are steep (old terrace) and it is being renovated and with an open stair case, no banister-I could have fallen much worse. My back and shoulder are absolutely killing me to the point putting my work uniform on is agony! But I am okay. I don't know how it came to this.

Has anything similar ever happened to anyone else?
Or has anyone ever had a blackout through something like this?

I have decided to stop drinking altogether now, but I realise that isn't the real problem here. I don't know how to feel about it, I am numb in a sense I really don't understand what happened.

OP posts:
Santasushi · 02/12/2018 20:19

Did you get checked over in hospital?

palooka47 · 02/12/2018 20:20

No I didn't. I know nothing is broken and I thought I'll just take up NHS time to be given some painkillers and told to go home and rest

OP posts:
Santasushi · 02/12/2018 20:24

You need to be seen and you need to report your partner to the police.

palooka47 · 02/12/2018 20:26

I don't feel I can do that. I think my partner is anxious about it. Today I was at work and must have looked obviously crestfallen and my supervisor asked me what was wrong because I have a mark on my face. I said I fell down the stairs. I told partner I was questioned about it and I got a message asking what did I say, I didn't see it straight away and they sent it twice more. Also, I don't know what I did! It's blank. Other tenant told me they heard us fighting-I might have hurt my partner too so I am just as bad

OP posts:
FlibbertyGiblets · 02/12/2018 20:29

Do get yourself checked over and don't conceal how you came to fall.

Please don't ever see this person again. They are dangerous and you risk further violence.

A house share should be easy to evict?

I am so sorry.

Caprisunorange · 02/12/2018 20:31

It seems really odd that neither of you can remember, you would’ve had to be extremely drunk. Stress can exasperate the effect of alcohol. Are you sure there were no drugs taken?

Bluetrews25 · 02/12/2018 20:35

Sounds like you remember most of it, just not what the row was about, which is pretty irrelevant.
You remember him pushing you down the stairs, which he has very conveniently 'forgotten'!
I think it is time he moved out of your property and you had no more to do with him in the future.
Being drunk is no excuse for causing an incident that could have killed or seriously incapacitated you.
Drinking less yourself sounds like a good idea, too.
I would not feel safe around him any more - please look after yourself and get checked over if you feel you need it.

palooka47 · 02/12/2018 20:36

I definitely didn't do drugs, I never have! I just am quite sensitive to alcohol I think, and know my limits and went over them.

I don't want to evict because I still care and I don't know what I did either-athough partner freely says "we were both wrong but I was more wrong". I have been very stressed, very, for a long time though.

OP posts:
CleanBee · 02/12/2018 20:39

Please do get yourself checked out. You don’t actually know for sure that nothing is broken. Hopefully not, and probably not, but I have friends who’ve broken digits and even a leg(!!) without knowing that it was serious. It can cause serious long-term problems. So please go and take up NHS time to ensure that you’re physically OK.

palooka47 · 02/12/2018 20:39

You're right blue I don't remember rowing. I remember our other friend who had met us came back (to avoid getting a taxi and have another drink with us) and then I went to the loo and saw partner sitting at the top of the stairs. I don't remember spilling my drink in the bedroom although I am sure I must have, and then I remember hands around my neck and being in pain at the bottom of the stairs.

Partner has apologised and said "I could have killed you" and has apologised a lot since too. Sad

OP posts:
palooka47 · 02/12/2018 20:40

clean I will maybe go to a&e tomorrow after work-maybe they wont be so busy on a Monday night I would just feel like an idiot if nothing was wrong. I have bruises on my back but the pain has lessened.

OP posts:
GertrudeCB · 02/12/2018 20:42

Your relationship with your DP is deeply toxic.

DaisyDreaming · 02/12/2018 20:43

From most of your post I thought you were going to say you did something stupid. Being drunk and no matter anything you may or may not of done does not make strangling or pushing down the stairs I any way ok. It also doesn’t matter how much they apologise or how drunk they were, next time you might not survive. You need to get out now. People on the relationships board can help

HollowTalk · 02/12/2018 20:44

Do you realise that next time this man could kill you? He's tried to strangle you and threw you downstairs. You seem remarkably okay with this.

Are you saying he actually lives elsewhere now? The very least he could do is to get out of your house.

AgentProvocateur · 02/12/2018 20:46

Are you a same sex couple or is one of you bigger and stronger than the other?

palooka47 · 02/12/2018 20:49

Yes we're a same sex couple I deliberately didn't say that because I didn't want bias.

I'm short and slim but fit and strong. She's tall and larger than I am.

OP posts:
Caprisunorange · 02/12/2018 20:51

OP sounds like the stress is the reason you lost memory x what are you feelings about your relationship? If it’s been a bit on off lately would ending it really be such a big step?

palooka47 · 02/12/2018 20:53

I am scared it would be because partner is back in our town if you will-surrounded by our friends, our community, familiarity, knowing the neighbours. I am totally alone here. Also if I want to go visit old friends I have to find somewhere to stay and I don't want to burden people. It's about a 3 hour drive away. Partner has everything we always had and is happy-I am just like, left here I guess. I am upset about it . I don't know.

OP posts:
AgentProvocateur · 02/12/2018 20:53

Regardless of being a same sex couple, it doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship. But could your drinks have been spiked if neither of you can remember what happened?

Caprisunorange · 02/12/2018 20:56

So do you think If you split up it would turn nasty? I was wondering whether you could just separate as a couple, which would take you out of danger- do you think she would turn your friends against you?

palooka47 · 02/12/2018 20:56

It's a possibility I guess!But no way of knowing. I know I was more affected than I have been for years or maybe even have been before. But I've been so stressed for so long too, with all sorts of related and unrelated things. I do think it might be a factor. We've had our rows and our moments but not ever anything like this at all. I just feel so confused about what on earth happened that night Sad

OP posts:
palooka47 · 02/12/2018 20:58

I don't know caprisun I am lucky to have some very close and good friends but again they're all back in that town-she has much easier access to them than I do. I don't think she's vindictive though. Im so sad. We used to be so in love-I don't understand and I find her pushing me down the stairs so difficult to get my head around. It was more like a 'throw' to be honest.I can't handle this-I feel a bit trauma struck.

OP posts:
DaisyDreaming · 02/12/2018 20:59

She might be the same sex but is clearly just as dangerous. Man or woman she tried to kill you

palooka47 · 02/12/2018 21:01

daisy I actually asked her that over the phone the following evening when I had gone home, was she trying to kill me. She said 'I didn't know what the F I was doing'.

OP posts:
palooka47 · 03/12/2018 22:44

I didn't go to A& E, because the pain had lessened a lot today and I felt so tired after a ten hour shift. I think It's slowly getting better.

She won't talk to me properly though. She is meant to be coming and seeing me this week. Nothing like this ever happened before and I still don't understand it.

OP posts: