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Original poster

DD14 desperate to do MONTH long exchange to USA - would you allow?

101 replies

TheLuckyMrsPine · 02/12/2018 19:57

DD goes to a school (UK) that has just been bought by an International School chain. They offer month long exchanges with other schools in the partnership. DD is desperate to do an exchange to Louisiana, USA.

I am terrified but don’t want my anxieties to hold her back. She would be staying with a student in their home. She would have to do the flight alone. I have tried to talk her into going to France or Spain but she’s not interested.

Would you let your daughter go?

OP posts:
mindutopia · 03/12/2018 13:48

Yes, definitely, though I'd probably prefer somewhere more interesting than the U.S. (I'm American btw), but if there are no other options for exchanges to other places or if that truly is where she wants to go/perhaps could do another to a different location later, then yes. I flew on my own for the first time at 14 and by 16, did university visits on my own (flight, taxi, hotel stay, etc.). She'll be fine and sounds like a great experience.

Wallywobbles · 03/12/2018 13:48

Definitely I would if it's affordable. It'll be life changing in a good way. Please be aware that you need to leave her to find her feet. Constant home contact can lead to terrible home sickness. And if you fly out 1/2 way through you may well set her right back if she does get homesick.

legolimb · 03/12/2018 13:50

I would let her go.

As a child I visited the USA every summer to visit family. I flew alone with my younger brother (we were supervised obviously to a certain age).

She will learn a lot about a different culture. So she won't learn another language - but she will see how things run over there.

It's a great experience. As pp say do your checks - ensure sufficient medical insurance, check out the host family and ask about guns if you feel you want to.

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General education
SenecaFalls · 03/12/2018 16:25

I'm as flakey English liberal as they come, and I adore the southern states of America.

Thanks for this. And I'm American liberal as they come. From the Deep South. And still living there. We are not all gun-toting, Bible-thumping, right-wingers, y'all.

BarbedBloom · 03/12/2018 16:30

I would, it is a great opportunity but I would make sure there was something in place in case she hated it and wanted to come back

IHeartKingThistle · 03/12/2018 16:49

My 12 year old DD won't sleep away from me. I'd be made up if she got to 14 and was confident enough in herself to ask to do this.

I realise that doesn't help you but how wonderful that she wants to go.

GreenandBlueButterfly · 03/12/2018 18:23

When I was 14, back in 84', I went on a similar thing to Dublin. It was 8 weeks long, and all I had was a weekly phonecall with my parents from a phonebox. It seems mad now, especially as I didn't speak much English on arrival. But 8 weeks later, I went back to my home country and I can honestly say that trip changed my life.

I've been sending my own son abroad on exchanges since he was 12. It's fine. Of course they miss you, but the experience is worth it.

juneau · 03/12/2018 18:32

I'm going to go against the grain and say no, I wouldn't let my 14-year-old do this. I was at boarding school at that age and so I was away from my parents for 3-4 weeks at a time and I survived that, no problem. But going so far away I would definitely worry that your DD is going to get there and be terribly homesick. A month is a really long time to be away from home and Louisiana is a really long way away, with long and expensive flights between there and the UK. I think I might be more inclined to allow this at 16, if she was still interested in doing it, but not at 14. That's still really young. If she was staying with family or people you know well that would be one thing, but strangers? That would be a no from me.

HildaZelda · 03/12/2018 19:55

Yes, as long as you are happy with the family and clear on insurance etc then please let her go. When I was 14 (mid 90s) I wanted to go to a language college for a months and no way in hell would my parents let me go. It was in the same country!
It's a great opportunity for her OP, to see another country and different cultures. If she really really wants to, then please let her.

I'm still bitter that I wasn't allowed go, and that's over 20 years ago now.

Villanellesproudmum · 03/12/2018 20:02

Is it during the holidays? A lot of time out during the GCSE years.

bellinisurge · 03/12/2018 20:04

Yes. Assuming you were happy with the family and she had the phone number of the nearest UK consulate.
It'd be fantastic.
The airline will look after her.

brookshelley · 03/12/2018 23:05

@AdamNichol the entire state of Louisiana is open carry for guns. It has probably the most loose gun laws in the US. I’m American and I’m not stereotyping, I’ve been to the state and have friends from there. Gun violence is a HUGE issue.

ThriftyMcThrifty · 04/12/2018 05:09

I absolutely would allow this. What a great opportunity, she will never forget it.

Hohomerrykittymania · 04/12/2018 05:43

If this is any comfort to you, I have special needs and are used to fly alone on the transatlantic flights quite a lot, from the age of nine. If you are very worried, couldn't the unaccompanied minor service be useful in this case?

I speak many languages, and I would have loved to do this as a teenager. I was quite on the young side though, but thankfully one of the girls at my school was the host for foreign students. So people from Korea, Japan, Kazakhstan, Ukraine, Brazil, France And a few other places were often at her house. I did study in Puerto Rico for six months, when I was 19 years old, but even then I wasn't ready for the experience because I was so young. I did meet one of my best friends there though, and we are still very close. Also, my Spanish improved quite a lot. People even thought I was Puerto Rican when they spoke to me on the phone…

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 04/12/2018 05:54

Yes I’d definitely let her go.

If she was in two minds I’d say no, a month is too long. But she isn’t. And in the greater scheme of things a month is nothing.

Lucky girl.

somewhereovertherain · 04/12/2018 06:07

It’s a yes from me.

My DD 17 currently planning a year teaching in Africa

ManicLoki · 04/12/2018 08:11

I'd say yes but then fret the whole time she was away 😂

It sounds really well thought out and managed by the schools. What a great opportunity for her.

If you have any concerns about gun crime, maybe you could look up the stats for the specific area she'll be in?

Brakebackcyclebot · 04/12/2018 08:15

Yes I would see it as an opportunity.

Are your fears about you & how you will manage, or about her?

Original poster
TheLuckyMrsPine · 04/12/2018 19:50

Thank you everyone for all your well considered points.

I don’t really know what my concerns are tbh! I suffer from anxiety, always have & it held me back from travelling, university and lots of other things when I was young. I do not want DD to be the same - she has actually travelled a lot with school and is very comfortable doing so.

I’m not sure the gun laws particularly worry me to the point I wouldn’t let her go. We have travelled to America before and also as we are near London are there a lot. I panicked when she went to various European places just after a spate of terrorist attacks.

The travelling bothers me as I have been told at 14 she won’t be classed as an unaccompanied minor. It would be with BA. she says that is the bit she is nervous about. I would be happy to do the flight with her but she does not want that.

I have filled in the form with her and now we wait to see if there is a good match at the other school. Then they spend a term emailing/ Skyping etc getting to know each other to see if they still want to go ahead.

OP posts:
bellinisurge · 04/12/2018 19:52

She will be absolutely fine on the plane. Especially with BA. they will take good care of her - if nothing else , it is in everyone's interest for her flight to be unremarkable and pleasant.

CherryPavlova · 04/12/2018 20:57

At fourteen mine flew alone.

At fifteen, my daughter went alone to do a months work experience in an Arab nation as she thought she wanted to read Arabic. She had a fabulous time.
She did have a panic when her driver failed to materialise in Doha and she had left her phone in my car but the staff at the airport were fabulous. They bought her fruit salad, ice cream and cola and gave her a local phone to use to call us and get the local contact number. Then they sorted everything out and provided a drivervfrom the airport to drop her off safely. They then rang me to say she’d arrived as intended. On the whole, people are kind and helpful. I’d let her go, definitely.

EspressoButler · 04/12/2018 21:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

babbi · 04/12/2018 22:15

Definitely let her go !
Fantastic opportunity- and realistically what’s the worst that can happen ?
If she did get homesick etc ( doubt it ! ) .. just bring her home sooner ..

With phone technology now she can be in touch ...
I did this kind of thing regularly back in the 80s ... my parents didn’t hear from me at all !!
I loved it ....

DeliveredByKiki · 04/12/2018 23:21

From what you’ve said about her and the trip then I’m a yes too - sounds like she’s a seasoned traveller, used to being away from home and really wants to go, and the set up sounds very thorough

Youmadorwhat · 04/12/2018 23:43

The flying part is absolutely fine. I flew over to relatives in New Jersey at 14. My parents brought me to the gate last minute...I walked beside cabin crew, got on the plane and then they handed me over to my uncle on the other side. No bother at all. That would be the least of my worries tbh. I would worry also about the gun laws, the other parents views and parenting style. Their rules(or lack of)! Peer pressure in a foreign country etc. If she rang me upset I would feel so helpless, I dunno how I would feel. I would see what she says and have s hell of a lot of contact with the host family beforehand.