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Original poster

DD14 desperate to do MONTH long exchange to USA - would you allow?

101 replies

TheLuckyMrsPine · 02/12/2018 19:57

DD goes to a school (UK) that has just been bought by an International School chain. They offer month long exchanges with other schools in the partnership. DD is desperate to do an exchange to Louisiana, USA.

I am terrified but don’t want my anxieties to hold her back. She would be staying with a student in their home. She would have to do the flight alone. I have tried to talk her into going to France or Spain but she’s not interested.

Would you let your daughter go?

OP posts:
LittleMy77 · 03/12/2018 00:37

I'd let her go on an exchange at that age, its an amazing experience.

Two things I'd think really hard about with that location are-

  1. health insurance. Investigate properly what's on offer, as many standard policies aren't valid for over 30 days, and you really don't want to have to foot the bill if she needs medical care.
  2. Guns, Louisiana's gun laws are pretty loose and they allow people to open carry in the street without a permit and they also don't require background checks to buy one. She could potentially end up with a family who have guns in the house - I'd be asking if so, and how they keep them (should be in a safe, unloaded) My other big concern would be then going to other people's houses who may have them and be lax on storage

Not trying to scare you but its something I've started to ask about when we do playdates etc (live in the US but in a different state) as I;m not comfortable with it)

Unsureofmyselfx · 03/12/2018 00:43

DD is going for two weeks in January. Deep South too!

The only thing I’m concerned about is what the American kid will think about our house, her house is huge!!

Stupomax · 03/12/2018 01:35

She sounds like a great kid - please don't let your anxieties hold her back.

I've spent a lot of time in the deep south and have lots of friends and colleagues there. They aren't all about guns and Jesus. I find people in the south of the US to be very kind, thoughtful, caring and community minded. I'm sure your daughter and the US student who visits you in return will have a great time, and get a huge amount from the experience.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General education
brookshelley · 03/12/2018 01:38

I'm American and I wouldn't send my children to Louisiana. There's a lot of gun violence and poverty in that state. I'd take them with me (New Orleans is one of my favorite places in the world) but not on their own.

7salmonswimming · 03/12/2018 01:45

I would allow her to go, yes. I would, however:

  1. Assume I would need to go out at some point on short notice, so would make sure I have enough money and leave from work to do so. It could be homesickness, sickness, anything and she will be very conscious of the distance
  1. Understand every last detail about her healthcare coverage
  1. Have no shame in contacting the parents privately beforehand, with carefully chosen questions, not forgetting they will be sending their daughter to you, too.

It’s so so important for young adults to understand the world beyond their day to day. Just the knowledge that other people do things differently is enough at this age. I also think the USA is an excellent choice: she will not be at all prepared for the cultural and linguistic shock she’s in for, but it won’t matter. Just the right level of difference at this age for a month.

Unsureofmyselfx · 03/12/2018 09:41

@brookshelley, DD is going to Georgia, would you be ok with that?

I’ve been trying to think of a polite way to ask them if they have guns in the house but can’t think how!

brookshelley · 03/12/2018 09:46

@Unsureofmyselfx depends where in Georgia but I would ask if they have guns in the house.

Louisiana has really loose gun laws. It's an open carry state meaning people who own guns can take them anywhere without need for a permit.

pallisers · 03/12/2018 10:10

I’ve been trying to think of a polite way to ask them if they have guns in the house but can’t think how!

You just ask. You say "do you have guns in the house" and if they say yes, ask how they store them etc. It isn't an impolite question.

I've been asked the question before playdates and I'm in massachusetts where gun ownership is less common.

HironsBirons · 03/12/2018 10:18

What an amazing experience!

Unsureofmyselfx · 03/12/2018 10:43

@brookshelley, she’s going to Valdosta

ResponsibleMushroomForager · 03/12/2018 11:43

I don't quite get why boarding schools are so common in the UK...

They're not.

Llareggub · 03/12/2018 11:53

I'd let my son go, although I'd prefer a country where he could get an immersive language experience.

I went at 15 to France for three weeks and stayed with a host family. Said family had a very attractive son called Eric, and he introduced me to the local cafe culture, Nirvana and fags. I have a very soft spot for Eric. His older brother took me out on the back of his motorcycle around the Pyrenees. I'm pretty sure it isn't what my parents had in mind and of course it was different back then.

Let her go...

Jamhandprints · 03/12/2018 11:54

No way on earth at that age with none of her friends or teachers! At 16, yes. 2 weeks at 14, yes. But a month!!!!! Unless you can go out for a weekend in the middle.

AdamNichol · 03/12/2018 11:58

Sounds like an amazing opportunity.

Research the healthcare bit - this can add up to astronomic levels fast in the US if not covered.

As for Gun laws, US=Trumpland, Louisiana is poor and crime ridden. FFS. Louisiana is an entire State, approximate in size and population to Ireland. Would you advise people not to go to Ireland because there are troubled parts up north? Some politicians have debatable opinions?

redexpat · 03/12/2018 12:00

Hell yes!

SleepingStandingUp · 03/12/2018 12:03

Are you happy to host back?
if so I'd let her go. It's an AMAZING opportunity and I'd have wanted to go

halfwitpicker · 03/12/2018 12:14

14 is a bit young.

Camp America when she's older?

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 03/12/2018 12:21

If she wants to do it then hell yes, what an opportunity! Air will open her horizons a lot, why wouldn’t you?

DameFanny · 03/12/2018 12:24

I'm with Zzzz but then I was reading an article last week on people holidaying in the Weimar Republic, so I guess people have always had different tolerances.

OP, I assume your dd is white and hetero?

AviatorShades · 03/12/2018 12:25

YES!!YES!YES!

i'd be checking the health insurance v. carefully tho., although you say that the exchange group are skilled in arranging things.....still, I'd be a bit careful there, even strapping minor sprains etc. can become costly.
The flight - any idea which carrier? American are great and look after their unaccompanied minors really well, got personal experience of thatSmile
My family are from North Carolina and live rurally. In the hunting season you can hear the guns but when we lived in Tuscany it was just the same.
I'm more likely to be shot/stabbed on the streets of Birmingham - england not Alabama,tbh, so I'd discount that.
I so hope that she goes and has a wonderful timeSmile

ResponsibleMushroomForager · 03/12/2018 12:33

please do not hijack this thread by trying to turn into anti-Trump rhetoric

zzzz was answering your question fully not hijacking your thread. It's a chat forum.

Loyaultemelie · 03/12/2018 12:59

I would have loved to do this at 14! However if it was my dd I'd be so anxious so I don't know what I'd do in all honesty Confused
My main concerns would be health care-is it good and what are the financial implications?
Also how quick can I get there in the unlikely event of an emergency

Loopytiles · 03/12/2018 13:03

Would depend on the specific rules set by the school and my trust in them, and the hosts to abide by them.

A month is a long time if she doesn’t enjoy it for whatever reason.

I would definitely not want to host an exchange student for a month in return!

ARandomPoster · 03/12/2018 13:24

If I could afford it and thought my dd would cope being so far away for a month then without reservation yes.

BoogleMcGroogle · 03/12/2018 13:40

Absolutely yes. If she wants to go, what a wonderful opportunity! I'm as flakey English liberal as they come, and I adore the southern states of America. It's a gorgeous place, with such a rich history and culture, and the people are generally very friendly and hospitable.