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Original poster

do you stop buying Christmas presents for siblings children when they turn 18?

78 replies

papayasareyum · 02/12/2018 17:31

my eldest is 18 and both of my siblings said quite recently that they're not going to buy any more Christmas or birthday presents for her, as she's now an adult. I can't decide if this is very sensible of them as Christmas pressies are only for younger children, or a bit mean of them as we have a very small family and they're not having to buy lots of pressies for lots of people. What do you all think? Do you carry on buying gifts for nieces and nephews or do you stop?

OP posts:

sashh · 03/12/2018 07:29

I stopped at 18, I tend to send a present to the family instead, usually a case of wine they can share.

Parky04 · 03/12/2018 07:36

Yes stopped at 18. We also do not exchange presents with siblings or parents. A relief to everyone!

NicePieceOfPlaid · 03/12/2018 07:42

We stop at 18th birthday but give a big cheque for that.

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Christmas Events & celebrations Families General shopping

GlassHeart1 · 03/12/2018 09:11

My greedy sil still asks for presents for her brood and their ohs and they are all pushing 40 and it's all designer stuff. My oh falls for it every year and we have an annual argument about it.
Presents for them cost more that our presents put together, he must have been told when little to look after his dsis so it looks like it will stay like that forever. He is a bit autistic and stuck in his ways and she uses that to their advantage.

zzzzz · 03/12/2018 11:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OlderThanAverageforMN · 03/12/2018 11:40

I bought for my multiple nephews and nieces until they were out of uni and started working, so about 21/22.

I do feel sorry for my two DD's though..... as we are the youngest of all the families, and everyone else in now late 20' and 30's, my brothers and SIL's have stopped for my girls too, even though they are still teens, and one only 15. They have really missed out. My youngest didn't even get birthday presents for her 13th. Not even a card from a couple of my brothers......

EdtheBear · 03/12/2018 11:42

Glass i think you and DH need to look at the spending on paper. And make a decision to cut down early in the new year.
If nieces and nephews are pushing 40 im assuming your pushing retirement and a reduced income.

DoveSecret · 03/12/2018 11:53

You have to stop at some point. DH still gives to his nieceS d bephews and they are in their 20’s and earn more than him! WTF for? This brither is really good with ours at Christmas (stil school age) so he doesn’t like to stop.

Once my niece and nephew turn 18 i will certainly stop.

FloofenHoofen · 03/12/2018 12:36

I would never stop. My parents have never stopped giving me Christmas presents and I would never stop giving to others or my daughter. Why does age matter? It's just thoughtful to give gifts at Christmas isn't it?

I understand if you have lots of children, it can be expensive but surely just something small is better than nothing? It seems a bit cruel to give nothing and stop completely simply because they're an adult.

ARandomPoster · 03/12/2018 13:16

We stopped at 16 for extended family. 18 for closer family.

I remember the Christmas I was 17 my great aunt bought me a box of chocolates. This was completely against the rules and an unexpected surprise. I was at college in the town where she lived and bumped into her regularly, always going out of my way to say hello if she were across the road, or waving when she passed a shop I was in. She wanted me to have a token gift to say she appreciated it. I felt truly honoured and even now in my 40s I still think of that box of chocolates as one of the most well considered gifts I've ever received.

Sorry, OP, I've digressed. But yes, stopping gifts when the child becomes an adult is fairly standard.

TheOrigFV45 · 03/12/2018 13:36

But yes, stopping gifts when the child becomes an adult is fairly standard.

Is it? Not in my family it isn't.

DelurkingAJ · 03/12/2018 13:38

My DSis was the youngest and didn’t get an 18th birthday present (DGM had died so there was nobody to remind the extended family and she had done when I was 18). My DM was quite bitter at the time as she and DDad had always remembered. We never had other birthday or Xmas presents unless they came round (all lived several hours in various directions so I think this happened twice).

I only have one niece and propose to stop when she has her own DC (hopefully 30ish years ahead).

BackforGood · 03/12/2018 15:53

If you stop buying for nieces and nephews once they turn 18, but your children are still say only 10... you can guarantee your siblings won’t be buying them presents for the next 8 years!
Why not *QuickBugQn ?

My dc are the eldest by some way on dh's side (my dc1 is 22, youngest nephew is 4). I'm the one who instigated the 'don't buy once they've turned 21' rule, and we still buy for all my nieces and nephews on dh's side. On my side, my dc3 is the youngest of all the cousins, and my siblings still get for her (and dc2)

FllofenHoofen - people aren't talking about their own dc, they are talking about nieces and nephews.
As adults, they then start getting partners..... at what point does 'the boyfriend' get a gift too ? - after going out a certain number of months of year, or if they live together, or only if they choose to get married?..... what about when they then have dc, the numbers start getting ridiculous....... what about if their partners already have dc of their own ?......... One your nieces and nephews are adults, it is statistically likely you'll see them less often, so it is fr more difficult to know what they want / need. It just turns Autumn into a stressful round of shopping and more shopping and more shopping. 9 nieces and nephews (for us) was one thing, but start adding in partners you don't even know that well, and then the next generation and it becomes far to much to think about / keep up with - and even deliver or get to them.

Topsy44 · 03/12/2018 16:54

This is a great thread for me to read as I'm trying to do this with my nieces and nephews and was wondering whether I was being mean?! I have 6 nieces and nephews varying in ages from 9 to 22. I wanted to stop giving the eldest nephew any presents when he was 21 but I didn't have the heart to say it and wondered if I was being mean as his siblings are younger and they were still getting presents.
He is currently at Uni - started later, then stopped/started with another course but I think he is due to finish next year. I've seen that a few others have stopped at this cut off point so I'll think I'll try that once he's earning otherwise its going to get a bit ridiculous!

EdtheBear · 03/12/2018 17:33

Fllofenhoofen Do your aunties still buy for you?
I agree when you start buying for boyfriends and great nieces / nephews it gets really really silly.
My Great Auntie was spending lots of time and money buying cheap gifts for great nieces and nephews before she was told to stop. You do the sums, she was 1 of 4, the other 3 had at least 7 kids between them, who in turn had at least 2 kids each so she was buying for at least 14 Great Nieces and Nephews plus what ever she was spending her DHs side, thats on top of her own DC and DGC.

FloofenHoofen · 04/12/2018 22:22

Well that's fair enough if there are that many nieces and nephews to buy for but yes my auntie did still buy me presents even when I was past 18!! In fact, my husband was still receiving cash in cards from his uncle and aunts even when he was 23.

FloofenHoofen · 04/12/2018 22:23

I'm clearly not the only person who wouldn't stop either.

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 04/12/2018 22:28

Never thought of stopping. The are still in full time education

bananasandwicheseveryday · 05/12/2018 18:20

@FloofenHoofen Dh is over 60 and his much loved aunt still sends him gifts for Christmas and birthday. In fact, she sends to all of us and we also send to her.
As I said in my earlier post, for us, it's about the relationship we have with our family, not about how old they are. We have some nieces, nephews, aunts and uncles and even siblings we don't buy for as we don't have that type of relationship with them.

FloofyDoof · 05/12/2018 18:38

I do token gifts over 18. Nice chocolate, a book I know they'd like, DN likes Harry Potter so I buy her something related (a Bellatrix LeStrange funko pop this year). Around £10, usually.

RevealTheHiddenBeach · 05/12/2018 18:49

Can you prime one of the children to suggest a move to a secret Santa? That's what we did when all the cousins got older in my family. The 16 and 17yo were given a choice to keep getting separate presents (as they would be the ones missing out) or join straight in secret Santa and they both chose Santa. Now we all (brothers sisters in laws and cousins) do an 18- person secret Santa. Much cheaper and much less crap!

CherryPavlova · 05/12/2018 19:44

No. I think 18 is too young to stop. It feels mean spirited. We buy for a couple of nieces and nephews - early 20s but haven’t bought for another set as their parents didn’t want them to have too many presents from about 10 years. It didn’t feel right but their parents were insistent.

greendale17 · 05/12/2018 19:50

No, I will always buy for them

greendale17 · 05/12/2018 19:51

But yes, stopping gifts when the child becomes an adult is fairly standard.

^I have never ever heard of this.

Babyroobs · 05/12/2018 19:54

I think its sensible although I do feel a bit sorry for my 19 year old this year as he wont get money from my dad and his younger siblings did. My dad gave my eldest a lump sum of money on his 18th and then said not to expect any more birthday or Christmas money !!

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