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Original poster

do you stop buying Christmas presents for siblings children when they turn 18?

78 replies

papayasareyum · 02/12/2018 17:31

my eldest is 18 and both of my siblings said quite recently that they're not going to buy any more Christmas or birthday presents for her, as she's now an adult. I can't decide if this is very sensible of them as Christmas pressies are only for younger children, or a bit mean of them as we have a very small family and they're not having to buy lots of pressies for lots of people. What do you all think? Do you carry on buying gifts for nieces and nephews or do you stop?

OP posts:

FangTasticFeast · 02/12/2018 22:07

My dns are still little but my eldest is 23 and dsis still buys for him but we do make a big deal of birthdays and xmas and buy for each other too

JockTamsonsBairns · 02/12/2018 23:03

I would love to stop, but I just don't really know how. My brother's DC's are 20,18 and 15, and I suggested last year that we put a stop to the annual £20 in a card. It's feels a bit ridiculous and, I know this shouldn't be relevant, but both my brother and his wife each earn six figures and I'm on minimum wage. His DC's have got absolutely everything they could ever dream of, and I just can't think that opening a card with twenty quid in it means anything to them at all. On the other hand, I also have three DC's who are younger, but rarely get given any money - they bloody love opening that card to find a whole £20 note falling out.
When I suggested stopping it, Dbro got all huffy about it and was all 'oh fine then, I won't send yours anything then' etc. My dcs would be gutted not to get that money! So on it goes

Teakind · 02/12/2018 23:23

My family manage it that you get presents up until you have a child/children, and then they get presents instead.

My closest auntie still buys for me though but I buy for her (and her family) too. That’s prob largely because we see them on Christmas Day.

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PoutySprout · 02/12/2018 23:24

Haven’t bought for any of them for years. They’re all under 10. (They don’t buy for our kids either.)

bananasandwicheseveryday · 02/12/2018 23:29

We still buy for my dsis adult children and she still buys for ours. I also buy for a couple of aunts that we are in close contact with and they buy for us. I have no plans to stop. We don't spend a fortune on them, but we do all buy thoughtful items rather than generic bottles of wine/chocolate/smellies.

AvoidingDM · 02/12/2018 23:38

JockTamson
My suggestion would be to say you're stopping at 21. Even if it means you are giving his younger children and not the oldest.
Also makes him a real misery if you've given all his to 21 and he stops yours in primary school.

FourFuxxakes · 02/12/2018 23:38

Most of my siblings' children are below 18 but we don't buy them anything or give them any money. We give their households a card and that's about it. We get the same in return.

Christmas, for us, isn't about spending lots of money on pointless or generic gifts just because that's what the adverts tell us that's what we're meant to do. It's about being with family and enjoying their company.

KeepCalm · 02/12/2018 23:40

We did. One of our Nieces now earns more than we do lives with her partner and we never hear from them.

Our kids are still young but SIL has decided to stop buying too even though we'd furnished her DC with great presents for >20yrs. Without a word of thanks. The only time we ever heard from them was when we sent £20 in the post for a birthday and it got 'lost' enroute so could we send it again. Eh..... no.

Fairly certain my crowd won't miss the last minute tat she grabbed and sent over for them. Think woolly christmas hat each year for years in a row. Or tights. Whilst we stupidly packed off requested digital cameras etc - more fool us!

Makes more sense to me frankly. Am out

Cornishclio · 02/12/2018 23:40

Yes we stopped at 18.

HeddaGarbled · 02/12/2018 23:43

We kept it going until they were 21. I did feel, in the last few years, that they had more disposable income than we did and that our paltry offerings weren’t going to mean a great deal to them.

RomaineCalm · 02/12/2018 23:49

KeepCalm Similar scenario here. I am cutting back this year after spending £££ on adult DNieces over the years who are now grown up and earning.

Suspect that our DC will receive very little now despite being 15 years younger. It shouldn't matter but somehow it grates a bit.

BackforGood · 02/12/2018 23:52

Yes.
It had been suggested we just stop, but I said that wasn't fair if some had had gifts until they were in their 20s and other stopped at 14, so I suggested stopping each niece / nephew once they'd had their 21st birthday.
Otherwise it starts getting complicated with partner etc.
It also gets harder to get the 'right' thing for young adults so ends up being a waste of money. I'd rather treat them to a meal out when I visit them.

KeepCalm · 02/12/2018 23:53

@RomaineCalm I never minded much when they were younger as SIL was a single parent to three and they're lovely kids. But we eventually worked out she had more cash in hand at the end of the month even though we both worked and once our three arrived we were worse off than she was!!

By that time the expectations were set and she had another two step kids added into the pot.

Something had to give somewhere......

And my three never expect anything so am sure they won't.l notice.

BackforGood · 02/12/2018 23:54

If I'm seeing them over Christmas, I'll give them a box of nice chocs or something - don't let them sit there empty handed whilst giving out other gifts, just not a gift in the same way I would have before they were 21.

Leeds2 · 02/12/2018 23:59

I bought my niece and nephew gifts until they had children of their own.. Now I buy for the children.

Floralnomad · 03/12/2018 00:06

My dc , both 18+ , are the only children in our family and they still get gifts from all the aunts and uncles but they equally buy gifts for all the aunts and uncles . It’s perfectly reasonable to not buy gifts for adult nieces/ nephews if they are earning and not reciprocating .

Doubletrouble99 · 03/12/2018 00:13

I would do the stop at 18 thing but our two are considerable younger than my 3 nephews. Now two nephews had got married and one has a DD!

zzzzz · 03/12/2018 00:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

QuickBugQn · 03/12/2018 00:24

The thing is if you’re the sibling with the youngest children, your kids will miss out.

If you stop buying for nieces and nephews once they turn 18, but your children are still say only 10... you can guarantee your siblings won’t be buying them presents for the next 8 years!

TheOrigFV45 · 03/12/2018 00:44

My siblings are still buying for my 19yo ds.
He's the oldest of 13 grand children, so it would look a bit sad if he was left out.

TheWiseWomansFear · 03/12/2018 00:49

We stop at 21

CuntOnAShelf · 03/12/2018 01:09

We stop at 18. But niece said and nephews don’t get every year of ev everyone, it depends on budget, my siblings and dhs siblings breed like rabbits and years when we are skint even just £5 per kid is £100, not a lot to some but some years it’s been all we’ve had full stop.

It stopped when I turned 18 and my Mam says, in her day it stopped when leaving school and getting a job which was 13/14 for her.

SenecaFalls · 03/12/2018 01:23

We stop at 18. We also don't give to adult siblings, by mutual agreement. So this year, I only have to buy gifts for DH, our two adult children, and three grandchildren. We gave gifts to our parents, but they are all deceased now.

skunkatanka · 03/12/2018 01:25

We haven't stopped but have reduced. My children are very much younger than their cousins but my sister has also reduced their gifts. This does piss me off tbh as we've spent a small fortune on her kids over the years. Ho hum.

Elfontheshelfiswatchingyoutoo · 03/12/2018 07:21

Op when's you consider that some people never start giving to their nieces and nephews, very wealthy people with perhaps only two small dc to buy for and dp... They never bother.. So do be grateful for a start that the aunts, uncles have got something...

However, as they have got something I do think suddenly stopping is strange.
If it was me I would probably switch to good old fashioned money in a card. Even 20 quid!

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