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Original poster

so incredibly lonely

41 replies

myselfandme · 02/12/2018 16:59

I have no one in my life apart from my young children who I love more than anything and fill my life with joy. But they're young and when they're older they'll be doing there own thing and I'll be even lonelier.
I've tried talking to people online and in real life, I do have friends who I see often but they are all coupled up and have children so often are busy.
The loneliness hurts so bad. The men I've talked to evebtually only want to talk about or have sex and that's not what I'm looking for, I just want someone who gets me and understands me and I can talk to and trust.
I don't want a relationship. What can i do?
I feel like I have no one who cares and it hurts so badly.

OP posts:
GlassHeart1 · 02/12/2018 17:46

I am lonely in a different way (unhappy and trapped).

I linked up with a couple of former (female) colleagues and we meet about every 2 months locally.

I chat online and made a distant male friend, we never met and probably never will but he gives me a different perspective on life, no crime in that.
Mumsnet is my port of call a lot.
Try meetup portal if u are able to get out, they have various groups.

Keep an open mind re guys, one day you will make a friend there too.

Endinsight9 · 02/12/2018 17:46

Sorry no one has replied yet. I am lonely too and I have a partner!

Livedandlearned2 · 02/12/2018 17:48

I feel lonely too. You're not alone Flowers

FlowerShirt · 02/12/2018 17:49

I am alone to in the same situation. I don't feel lonely.

What purpose do you have in life?

You have family.

Do you have a philosophical or religious belief?

Bath9000 · 02/12/2018 17:50

Sorry to hear you’re feeling this way OP. You said you don’t want a relationship so is it more friends you want or companionship with a man without the ties?

Original poster
myselfandme · 02/12/2018 17:54

It's sad so many of us are lonely but I'm glad someone understands how I feel if you know what I mean.
I would be interested in making a friend I could speak to online but in the past it's led to dick pics and asking to meet for sex when it's not started out that way and it's been clear I've not intended to do anything like that so I'm wary of making friends with guys.
I have camel friends who I do see every couple of weeks but honestly it makes me jealous to see their other halves look at them with so much love, it breaks my heart that I can't have it but I'm so glad that they do.l

OP posts:
Original poster
myselfandme · 02/12/2018 17:54

female friends not camel friends Confused

OP posts:
Annandale · 02/12/2018 17:55

Loneliness is awful. I'm sorry you feel like this.

Would you consider going to a church or other place of worship? I'm not religious in the slightest but I have made good friends at churches. Sometimes it's the older people who are open to friendship and their lives can be a bit calmer, so the friendships are less pressured.

I also enjoy friendships around sports, though that's very tricky with younger children. There's a table tennis club locally that works quite well for us, or some running clubs/events are family friendly.

Ironically you're not alone (!) in feeling lonely. If you start worrying too much about the future too often, do think about seeing your GP, you sound a bit anxious. If you ever get a chance to do some yoga or meditation, I also find those helpful when worries about the future overwhelm me. I really hope things improve soon.

HollowTalk · 02/12/2018 17:56

How old are your children? Do you have any way of getting a babysitter occasionally?

FlowerShirt · 02/12/2018 17:56

Jealousy as you can testify is the thief of Joy, why do you not love yourself or your friend? Why do you want to be alone and unhappy father than be delighted for your friend?

Original poster
myselfandme · 02/12/2018 17:57

yes Bath I'd like companionship more than a relationship.

I do have religion and it helps a lot.
I think maybe it's mainly because of that that I don't just want sex with someone without having a full relationship but then I don't want a relationship because I'm exhausted from my last relationship and I my dc are still traumatised by it too.im not putting them through it again.

OP posts:
FlowerShirt · 02/12/2018 17:58

I do have religion and it helps a lot.

Do you want to elaborate on your belief?

GlassHeart1 · 02/12/2018 17:59

I relate, my loneliness is from the fact that my DC is disabled and I have zero in common with most happy families.

The female friends I have are single and happy with it and it gives me a chance to get out from my situation. They also have more time to meet.

Original poster
myselfandme · 02/12/2018 18:00

I am delighted for my friends honestly I am, i love their families. I just meant that it further makes me feel lonely because I wish I had someone who completely understood me too.
I know I sound like woe is me, but I'm usually upbeat and happy but i feel like this is it, this is all there is to my life.
im only 30!

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 02/12/2018 18:00

Do you belong to a church? You might find a nice community there.

Original poster
myselfandme · 02/12/2018 18:03

I don't really want to elaborate on my religion it's personal to me. I don't go to church or anything like that as I just feel I don't have anything in common with the people there.
I'm religious but nobody would think it, I keep my beliefs to myself and they get me through life but it doesn't bother me if my friends or people I meet are religious or not, to each their own.

OP posts:
Original poster
myselfandme · 02/12/2018 18:04

glassheart I know how isolating it can be having a disabled DC and people not understanding, it's not my situation but I get it.Flowers I'm glad you're able to get out with friends.

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GlassHeart1 · 02/12/2018 18:06

I understand re religion, we used to go to church for years but not made any friends there.

Have you tried online games eg "words"? I used to chat to some of the people I played with about random daily stuff.

FlowerShirt · 02/12/2018 18:08

I just meant that it further makes me feel lonely because I wish I had someone who completely understood me too.

I have yet to meet someone who has that kind of relationship, people make the best of each other and life, it's not perfect. I am older than you, I remember life before social media - before narcissism, identity, staging your life to look a certain way and individualism became so popular.

In life we need family, faith in a supernatural being and a purpose to be happy. You have two, what's your purpose?

FlowerShirt · 02/12/2018 18:11

I have met atheist people who find joy - they tend to have a philosophical belief - feminism, environmental or political.

TroyKing · 02/12/2018 18:11

Why don't you join Next Door and initiate some coffee mornings for people in your area?

nextdoor.co.uk

Original poster
myselfandme · 02/12/2018 18:37

Most of my friends are atheist, I couldn't care less what someone's religion or belief is, as long as someones a good person I'll get along with them.

I will try online games, that's seems a good idea.

I do have family as in DC and religion however I don't have a partner, or just someone who understands me, or someone who would care enough.

My friends are very dear to me and they do care but they have DC and partners so they obviously put them first.

im not jealous jealous, you're not understanding me, I'm happy for them but I also want it for myself. Just when I think I've gotten used to it, I see the way they are with partners and I wish someone would look at me that way.

I guess it's a bit unfair for me to want companionship but not a relationship with a male friend but any male friends I make seem want to jump straight to sex

OP posts:
Original poster
myselfandme · 02/12/2018 18:39

Thank you TroyKing. im going to try something like that.

OP posts:
FlowerShirt · 02/12/2018 18:52

I am quite sad for you that your purpose in life is something unachievable.

Your purpose is to replicate an imagined relationship that others don't even have?

I mention beliefs because the three things psychologist suggest bring joy are family/friends, faith and purpose.

Looking outside yourself may help, your purpose in life to have someone be there to meet your needs won't be attractive to many people.

Nobody can fully understand anybody else, we can't even fully understand ourselves.

funnylittlefloozie · 02/12/2018 19:06

But not every relationship is happy and idyllic. You have no idea what goes on behind your friends' closed doors. Also, you contradict yourself - you say you don't want a relationship but then you are envious of the way your friends' partners look at them.

Do you have any hobbies? Do you go to book groups or art classes, or running clubs? Maybe try online dating through something a bit more women-oriented, like Bumble.

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