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Original poster

so incredibly lonely

41 replies

myselfandme · 02/12/2018 16:59

I have no one in my life apart from my young children who I love more than anything and fill my life with joy. But they're young and when they're older they'll be doing there own thing and I'll be even lonelier.
I've tried talking to people online and in real life, I do have friends who I see often but they are all coupled up and have children so often are busy.
The loneliness hurts so bad. The men I've talked to evebtually only want to talk about or have sex and that's not what I'm looking for, I just want someone who gets me and understands me and I can talk to and trust.
I don't want a relationship. What can i do?
I feel like I have no one who cares and it hurts so badly.

OP posts:
Original poster
myselfandme · 02/12/2018 19:56

I know funnylittle you're right. I do want someone who loves me and understands me but I'm just not interested in a relationship right now since any man I meet seems to just want to jump into bed.
I am contradictory, I'm confusing myself Confused.
I want a person to understand me.

All I know is, I feel so so alone.

As for hobbies I go to the gym and work and then it's time with my dc. Occasionally out for a meal or shopping with friends.

OP posts:
ghostlygal · 02/12/2018 20:04

@myselfandme camel friends always get the hump Grin

All jokes aside, could you join a playgroup with your little one? There's a lot of lonely moms out there. Meetup.com is a good one also it allows you join groups with people who have similar interests. I joined a local volunteer group which has turned out to be the best thing ever. It's given me a sense of purpose and I've met some lovely people.

Original poster
myselfandme · 02/12/2018 20:35

The nextdoor app is interesting there's quite a few people on there so I hope to join a few events.
I will try meet up too, thanks.

Even a camel friend would do if it looked at me lovingly Grin

OP posts:
DocusDiplo · 02/12/2018 20:53

Hi OP!

Can I join your lonely club please?

What are the club rules???

I feel alone - just me and the kids. And no family nearby. Very lonely.

Original poster
myselfandme · 02/12/2018 21:02

docus welcome.
im sorry that you too feel so lonely. Why are there so many of us?

I'm the same, I have DC but no family nearby.

Just out of interest, those of you who feel lonely, are you lonely because you have no partner or no friends or can't find like minded people? I know a couple of pp said they had a partner and still felt lonely, I know that feeling too.

Any of you in the North?

OP posts:
DocusDiplo · 02/12/2018 21:15

There may be more people feeling lonely beause there are more single parents and not living close to family.

I would like it if I had a partner but have tried online dating several times and it doesn't work for me. These days with work and study and kids I genuinely do not have time for a man.

I feel lonely as I have no family and no partner. Happy with friends I have.

DocusDiplo · 02/12/2018 21:16

Oh and not in North. Thought everyone was sipposed to be friendly up there Grin

yummytummy · 02/12/2018 21:20

hi op i feel exactly the same. it's the companionship you miss definitely. the kids are lovely but only so much you can talk with them about it's the evenings that kill me watching tv alone every day it's tedious. plus this time of year the worst as it's just us 3 no family so i feel bad for the kids they don't have that

DocusDiplo · 03/12/2018 08:09

Yes yummy, christmas is the worst. I dont feel I have the energy or enthusiasm to make it genuinely fun for just the 3 of us

Original poster
myselfandme · 03/12/2018 08:26

100% agree, I feel so much guilt around r
Xmas etc when I know the dcs friends are telling them about the special things they're doing or visiting relatives etc, and it's just us 3 yet again.

OP posts:
claraschu · 03/12/2018 08:31

For me, what you are describing is a really close female friend, who cares about you, understands and is interested in the details of your life and your children's lives, and is going through or has gone through some of the same things you are coping with.

I have one close friend, and we talk on the phone almost every day but rarely see each other, because we live in different countries. Even though I have a wonderful husband, my friend is the person who really understands my feelings and reactions best, the person who will talk to me for hours about my worries and my interests.

Relationships with men try to jump to this level of understanding very quickly, through the shortcut to intimacy which sex gives to people. So often, the sex is just an illusion of intimacy though, and leads to a feeling of loneliness because it is not based on real closeness.

I think that you might find more comfort in a couple of close female friends, perhaps single mothers like yourself, or people at a different stage of life, but who just happen to understand.

Original poster
myselfandme · 03/12/2018 08:49

you are right clara I may be would be better having a single mum friend rather than a male friend. I just don't know any single mum's I have single childless friends but both of them are dating all the time and again have less free time.
I will start looking into children's events in my area but it probably eont be until after Xmas now.

OP posts:
claraschu · 03/12/2018 12:38

I am sorry you are feeling so alone, OP. Sad

I have found the best companions to be other mothers and their children- a shared community of people focused on their young kids. For me, some of the happiest times have been doing things with my children, another mum and her children. It is even better when you know each other well enough to spend days together, go on a trip, or spend evenings together, with kids falling asleep at one another's houses. I think women can be an incredible strong support for one another as we go through the challenges and joys of having young children.

In some other cultures I think it is easier to find a community of other mums, but it seems to be more difficult to find this in the UK. I really hope that, through a playgroup, or through school, or just through serendipity, you are able to find a couple of friends like this.

yummytummy · 03/12/2018 14:45

maybe all of us where it will just be "us 3" on christmas day should try and meet up over the holidays? it's so hard as every single person seems to have some family member to go to and we just don't. i really struggle with it and also with my birthday as apart from one very good friend i don't ever get a gift

Original poster
myselfandme · 03/12/2018 21:05

That's a good idea Yummy, at the very least we would all already have one thing in common.

OP posts:
yummytummy · 10/12/2018 13:10

yes definitely. but i guess it also depends on where everybody is and if the distances work or not

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