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Original poster

Twelve year old DD felt up on the Tube

60 replies

Obamallama · 01/12/2018 07:10

Last night my DD was travelling home from school on the Undeeground as normal. She says a man sat down next to her and a minute later she felt his hand on her leg. She was wearing a PE which was a skort and quite short.

She froze and his hand went toward her inner thigh. Her thought was to try and get off at the next stop but thankfully a woman opposite her saw what was happening and said “get off her”. The man then got up and got walked down the Tube, jumping off at the next stop.

DD can’t remember what he looked like so we can’t report it.

My question is what should she do if this happens again? I have suggested that as long as others are nearby she should stand up and loudly shout “This man is a stranger and he just touched me.” But in all honesty I’m not sure she would do that. I then suggested just getting up and moving to a seat next to a woman. What would be your advice?

I hate that we live in a world where a twelve year old girl must be briefed in this way :-(

OP posts:
GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 01/12/2018 07:12

The tube network is covered in cctv, please still report it.

Weetabixandshreddies · 01/12/2018 07:15

If it happens again (and hopefully it won't) tell your daughter to just get up and move. If the train is busy I would think she's better to stay on the train rather than get off in case the man follows her.

The transport police also have a text number that you can message them on (it's advertised widely at stations). Perhaps she could keep it in her phone so that she can seek help if necessary?

Sarahjconnor · 01/12/2018 07:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PatchworkElmer · 01/12/2018 07:21

Please, please report it. Your poor DD.

Harrykanesrightsock · 01/12/2018 07:23

It does need reporting and if anything does happen in future she needs to report it to staff immediately who would arrange to get her home safely. Scary for anyone never mind s 12 year old.

pinkmagic1 · 01/12/2018 07:24

That's awful. Please, please report it. If your dd knows the rough time and stations they will be able to check cctv.

madvixen · 01/12/2018 07:24

Please report it. There's cctv in nearly every carriage now so they may be able to spot it. A man who does something like that, in public, is incredibly dangerous and needs stopped.

I second the pp who mentioned the BTP text number (61016) and having that stored in your DDs phone. I have it in mine as I use the tube daily for work.

I really feel for your daughter, that's a horrendous thing to have happened, she must be very shaken up.

ragged · 01/12/2018 07:24

Next time: Slap his hand (hard!) & scream a tirade at him. What a creep. Sorry this happened.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 01/12/2018 07:25

Take a photo on her phone, even if just of his back it will help identify his clothes for cctv. Sounds horrible for her. As you suggest seek out women-- no guarantee but likely to be safer. Can you suggest not going home in pe kit? Ours aren't allowed to. I know it isn't her responsibility to change for males but she might feel more comfortable for the moment. Also mention to school, ours would definitely be interested and will be able to issue warnings and advice. Maybe go out on the tube today to make sure she has normalised it before Monday. I too would ring transport police as this could be his regular route (don't tell dd that).

Original poster
Obamallama · 01/12/2018 07:25

The trouble is that staff are rarely visible on Tubes or in our local station.

It breaks my heart, it’s the first time she has been sexualised and it came as such a shock to her.

OP posts:
Original poster
Obamallama · 01/12/2018 07:29

I will report it to the Transport Police and the school.

I will also ask her not to travel home in her PE lot although I’m furious she should have to moderate her clothing in the way. Also a bit cross that the school has such a short skort for girls. I wish to PE uniform was tracksuit bottoms or leggings.

OP posts:
ragged · 01/12/2018 07:29

I seem to recall that Julia Hartley Brewer threatened to break Fallon's hand, if no immediate removal when he put it on her knee. She loved to tell that story at dinner parties.

FancyRibbon · 01/12/2018 07:32

OP i’d really recommend that you speak to school about it and make a police report. Other kids may have been affected that the school already know about and it may be part of a pattern- enabling evidence to be put together.

The school also may want to speak to your DD or any other the kids affected or travelling on the same journey or may want to offer them emotional support in school as needed.

I know of a school that had a small number of men regularly appearing on the local trains at school journey time in the morning or afternoon and pressing up against the girls if it was crowded and touching them.

This was reported to police and school each time by the parents and it ended up building up enough of a picture that plain clothes officers came to travel on the journey a few times to try to apprehend them.

Obviously your daughter’s feelings here are important but kids that age may try to minimise what’s happened for lots of reasons but actually I think it’s important for her to feel that this should not just be part of teenage life on public transport and that she has to be constantly on guard when she’s on her own. It’s completely unacceptable and illegal what he did and she has nothing to be ashamed of and she has every right to use the tube freely and with confidence just like everyone else. Flowers to her and you.

Oatomatom · 01/12/2018 07:33

Get up immediately and move to another carriage at the next stop. Speaking out is a counsel of perfection - I never could as a teenager on the tube.

Oh, and give her permission to be late if necessary eg if it’s packed and moving to another carriage means getting off and maybe not being able to get on the next train as it’s too full.

madroid · 01/12/2018 07:37

Also get her a personal alarm. You can get them as a keyring so they don't forget to take them out with them and there are some very loud ones

MrWolfknowsthetime · 01/12/2018 07:41

Police. They were talking about this on TV this week (can’t remember which programme though), telling people to report and saying they can almost always find it on cctv and will prosecute.

Poor DD Flowers

IJustLostTheGame · 01/12/2018 07:41

She needs to shout 'I am only 12 years old and a man is touching my leg'
I agree with reporting it. If he left the station, cctv cameras will have picked up his image. The police will take assault of a minor seriously.
This is a disgusting thing to have happened to your poor dd and no doubt he's done it before and will do again.

Flamingoose · 01/12/2018 07:43

Oh god, poor girl. How fucking vile of him. This makes me so angry. I have a 12 yr old daughter too. We talk about how it's fine to be REALLY RUDE if any person makes you uncomfortable. I try and encourage her not to be polite. "HEY YOU'RE MAKING ME UNCOMFORTABLE GO AWAY" sort of thing, but I don't know how she'd actually react in your daughter's situation. Hell, a grown woman may freeze, so expecting our children to be able to deal with creeps like this... it's just so bloody unfair. Fucking creepy men. Ugh.

Feefeetrixabelle · 01/12/2018 07:44

Report it and see if cctv shows it. The woman who’s aw it may have reported it too. Would she be able to say ‘what are you doing?’ Really loudly at him?

ForalltheSaints · 01/12/2018 07:48

Please report it.

LizzieSiddal · 01/12/2018 07:49

She needs to shout 'I am only 12 years old and a man is touching my leg'

I agree with something like this. She needs to be rude and brave. Let her practice with you at home, by shouting a phrase like this.

Also practice what to do afterwards, so she feels safe. I’d advise her to go and sit next to a women until the pervert gets off. I would also advise that if she feels unsafe when she gets off, to find a staff member or stand by the ticket machine and phone someone. Do not let him follow her out of the station.

ForalltheSaints · 01/12/2018 07:49

There is wi-fi you can sign up to, which would be good enough to send a text message to the British Transport Police shortly afterwards at a station.

Sarahjconnor · 01/12/2018 07:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Napssavelives · 01/12/2018 07:54

I’m so sorry this happened to your DD. This happened to me too and I froze too(previous history of sexual trauma so have a very strong freeze response). I think suggestions about role play about what to do are great. It’s shit that we have to protect our children from this kind of thing

CleverWittyUsername · 01/12/2018 07:55

Could you and she attend a self defence class together? Just to get her practising being vocal and feeling confident.

So sorry this has happened. I remember around that age a lad grabbing my (not even grown) boob in front of loads of adults, and nobody did a thing. A few even laughed fgs. I froze while it was happening and still wish to this day I had hit him or shouted or something but in the moment it feels so unreal it's hard to process. Glad that woman stood up for your dd.

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