How to survive maternity leave first time mum

[2018mum]

Hi all,

Just wanting some sound advice as I am a first time mum and it’s been couple of months since having my baby.

Feels daunting to say the least but I am fortunate I’m mobile and recovery is on the mend. Just would like some advice as I’m not used to being a stay at home mum of how to survive these dark winter months. Feel enclosed and a bit dark and gloomy when I am at home with just me and the baby till my husband comes home although there is a lot to be done! I have been out to seen friends, family but due to work commitments they have it isn’t the case every day.

Plus I enjoy my own space to have time for me to do things how I like to and get into a routine with my baby. I Just want to know ideas to pass the time, also what activities to do with the newborn. A bit apprehensive to take baby to any classes as she has yet to have her 1st set of jabs.

I don’t really have many friends that are mums so I feel i don’t have a lot in common with my usual network of people if that makes sense?

It’s just bringing me a bit down I am trying to keep myself busy and doing things. It’s tough with newborn as I’m stopping and starting chores with baby’s pattern. I feel guilty for feeling this way I jus never knew it would be this hard :-(. Can someone shed some light please thank you! X

Hey! First off - dont feel guilty. Its completely normal. My DS is 12 weeks and I feel like I have given my life up for shushing and patting. So - what little I have learnt so far:

1. try to get out everyday, even if just for a little walk. I do and then when there is a day like today i dont feel like going out because of the weather it feels like a treat rather than a default Washing etc can wait. Looking after your baby is the most important thing. You don't need jabs to join a group. Look up baby cafe, there might be one in your area. They are free and you will meet people. Did you do NCT or similar? They have been my lifeline.

The things the most helped me on maternity leave were

A) Go for a walk every day. If the weather's atrocious find an excuse to go to a department store (DD and I have walked around John Lewis quite a few times just to pass the time and if you go to the café you'll find people chat to you which helps bring social interaction in!)

B) Invest in a new friendship or two with women who have babies a similar age. If you don't have an antenatal group to fulfill this take your baby to a local baby group or Children's centre meet up to try and meet some people. 18 months on and I swear my sanity has been saved by two of my 'mum friends'.

I’m on mat leave withh my. 1st. Now 7 months old. For me we have to go out most days other wise I go a bit nuts!
I have no friends or family close by so I’ve needed to try things out to get a social routine going.
The main thing is that most other mums are in a similar situation and want to chat.
I went to paid for activities first- totally pointless with a small baby!

I now to two library rhyme time sessions- 30 mins singingp. It’s free and I hang out and chat afterwards. I go to our village baby and toddler group, a local mums waking group and goi for lunch with new. Mum friends once a week.

Best to look up local pages on Facebook, your local library probably has lusts of things going on. I also go to a breast feeding cafe occasionally.

It’s nice to aroubd other people who are distracted, can’t remember anything and who want to discuss sleep, wind etc.

If you are near me, I always need more mum friends!

Sorry napping baby is on me and typing is really hard!

I really enjoyed getting out and meeting various groups - the antenatal lot once a week, baby swimming once a week, postnatal pilates where you took the baby along, buggy bootcamp... i found it awfully lonely just being with my baby all day but hanging out with other babies and mums was good for me particularly when doing something i enjoyed anyway (e.g. swimming or buggy fit).

Third maternity leave here but my first in the winter. With school and nursery runs I’m less isolated than I have beeen before but I went to a baby cinema screening today, the first time I’ve done that. I’ll be doing it again.

Thank you I do go out for a walk everyday If I don’t I feel I’m going to go insane. It’s difficult during bad weather but lucky I drive so can go indoors somewhere.

I never did nct classes they were too expensive do they do post natal classes?

I’m just a bit over conscious being my first I don’t want her catching something if she’s not protected. She’s due her Jabs tomorrow
Which I’m not looking forward too x

I'm currently on mat leave with my first. DD is 15 weeks. Try to do something every day even if it's just a play group, play date, visit to family, walk around the shops etc. I downloaded an app called mush that helped me make some local mum friends. I also found people responded quite well when I went on Facebook and posted for recommendations for baby stuff. That grew some friendships.

Thank you trying to spend carefully as maternity pay isn’t great! I will have a look on Facebook need to do my homework!

Where are you based? I’m in West Yorkshire.

The vaccinations only protect from what they're vaccinating against.
I took mine out to classes from 6 weeks old.

That’s true about the vaccinations I guess it’s just my mind and first time mum nerves of how to deal with an ill baby x

Honestly unless someone ill holds, coughs, sneezes near the baby at this age then they won't get ill from going to a class. It's when they're mobile and putting everything in their mouths that you need to worry.

We went to every class going and I don't think ds even got a cold until he was about 6 months.

That’s very encouraging to hear I will not deprive myself and have a look at some classes!

I have 11 week old and finding it hard work. After having a full time job and busy social life it's a hard adjustment, but slowly getting used to it.

No more real advice, but just words of support, I go to bookbug sessions, baby sensory, baby swimming and baby massage and baby yoga, but can't keep up all of those for long when my maternity pay drops to statutory.

I've got a group of mum friends, they have been great to moan at!

I'm in Sussex but I think the same methods would work anywhere. If money is tight avoid expensive classes like baby massage (£10ph x4 sessions for DD to scream the whole way through!) And just do coffee dates or playgroup (never more than £2 usually).

It’s very hard adjusting to indeed after working full time. I do miss the old me :-( but I guess it will get better. I will look into the classes. Why must they be expensive don’t they know how crap mat pay is?

Find all the cheap baby groups you can - the church hall types that cost a £1 or something. Meeting mums at a similar stage to you is so important - for your sanity, to share knowledge, to bounce ideas off and to just have someone to (hopefully) have a laugh with.

Go out every day - even if it’s just to the supermarket. That you still feel like your part of the land of the living.

Enjoy it! Because if you have a second maternity leave, it will NOT be the leaisurely relaxing time you’re having now Only the bastard of it is, you don’t know it’s a leaisurely repacking time until you’re also trying to manage a toddler 😆

Endless typos in my post

Repacking = relaxing.

My health visitor put me in touch with a post natal group. There were 5 or 6 of us living locally who had babies of similar ages. We met up every week, nice to have some people to chat to.

Also remember if you can, do things YOU enjoy while your baby is still very portable. Most cinemas do baby friendly screenings now, or you could push your pram round a museum or art gallery if you enjoy that.

And also, and I don’t mean to sound smug, but I felt an enormous sense of freedom with a newborn. I wasn’t restricted to working hours, I could plan the day around me and the baby. If your tired and the baby’s napping, don’t feel bad about watching a bit Netflix or having a nap yourself.

*you’re

And agree chores come low down the priority list!

I went to a baby group once a week and baby massage.

I also used to just go for a look around town or a shopping centre. With Christmas coming up, you'll find there's lots of free/low price activities on for children that would be nice to do.

Agree with getting out and about as much as you can. I was very bored on mat leave and couldn't wait to get back to work.
I had a wander round the town and parks with the pram. I did almost daily shops just to get out of the house rather than my usual weekly shop.

I'd go on an hours drive when DS was sleeping just to listen to Woman's Hour as a bit of a break.
This may not be your thing but I used to take cars on test drives from car dealerships just for some interaction with another human being (desperate much?)

It might come across as slightly stalkers! But go for a walk near schools at drop off time, you will easily bump into mums who have just dropped off older ones and now only have little ones. They are often walking so it's easy to fall into step and start a conversation, they also tend to know where all the good baby groups are!

Also go to sling groups. Most who go to them have babies a year or younger, often other groups can be more geared towards older children, sling groups (ime) tend to have more younger babies.

Finally I totally agree about church groups. Even if you are not religious in the slightest it doesn't tend to matter, they are cheap and cheerful. They also tend to have helpful granny types who make tea for you. My Muslim friend came with me to ours and said the first week. I understand if I'm not welcome, my friends all come. They were so so delighted to have anyone who wanted to come.

Lastly, be brave when it comes to these things. Get emails, Facebook or phone numbers at the end of sessions. It feels a bit like asking someone out in terms of nerves etc! But it's worth it. I had one women say to me 'look I don't want to seem weird, but I want to make some friends and you seem fun, can I have your number!" We laughed about how it sounded like a line from a dodgy nightclub, now see each other twice a week.

Thank you everyone for your input it’s great. Can you all be my friend? Desperate much ha.

Ironically I am Muslim wasn’t sure if I’d be welcome in a church but seen as your comment sounds reassuring I will try it. Thank you for taking time out to reply! X