No presents this Christmas

[nannytothequeen]

I know, I know. I am a grown adult and this shouldn't be important but I know I will not get a single present for Christmas this year. And my birthday is a week before and I will get nothing then either. Feeling a bit glum.

Your allowed to feel sorry for yourself.
Is it nobody to buy for you, family have decided only to buy for kids, financial problems?

Nobody to buy for me. Kids are quite young still and will be with my ex and the OW. Dad died a few years ago. Mum died in January. No siblings. No other relations. Friends with their own families. I have bought presents for my kids for Boxing Day and for some of my friends kids.

I had this my dh didn't get me anything and I had nothing on Christmas Day. This year I have bought myself gifts from the kids . If I were you I would buy myself some treats and treat myself Christmas Day .

Could you take your children to buy you a gift? I guess this is sort of age dependant but I brought my children up alone for the most part. From a very early age they insisted on 'buying' me something as a surprise! So we'd traipse off to the shops and I sort of suggested a candle or something, they then chose one and I gave them the money. The pleasure they got to wrap it up in secret and give it to me on the day was worth more than anything. I do think you've got a right to feel a bit sad though particularly on your first Christmas without your Mum.

Hi, I just had a birthday like this. I gave my eldest €30 And took them to Lush. I stood by the door glancing over occasionally and the staff helped my DS pick a gift.

Maybe that's a bit pathetic but eventually you don't want your kids thinking you are sitting home, miserable. I told mine I was going to have a great day enjoying the lovely bathbomb they had got me.

I'm sorry you've lost your parents must be hard. I also think you should treat yourself once kids are big enough they can do it.

I agree with PP. If DC are old enough let them ‘choose’ you a present. If not take them shopping anyway and buy it yourself! Sounds like you’re having a bit of a crappy time of it so you definitely deserve a treat. I’m in a similar position (but not quite) in that DH has form for forgetting to buy presents and my family are a bit flakey and may well not bother. I’ve literally just ordered myself some presents online so I have something guaranteed on the day!

Oh that’s a really tough year for you OP.
Sorry you lost your mum.
Do you have any good friends you will be spending Christmas Day with.
Could you offer to do a Secret Santa.
Likewise for your birthday, can you at least have a special lunch with friends and do a birthday tea with your children.?

YANBU. That does suck :( No helpful advice, but feel free to vent.

Really there is no point in the kids 'buying' me something for Christmas Day. They won't be there whilst I open it. I'll just be on my own although I have told them I'll be having a lovely time with some friends. I'll be at work on my birthday. I have no intention of mentioning it.

But your dc are opening presents from you Boxing Day, so that's kind of your Christmas Day. Get somethings for then.

Please do take the kids to get you something, it's not just about them being there to open them (and you could squish that in to two minutes of a morning) but about giving them the chance to recognise that you HAVE a birthday and deserve spoiling sometimes and that they can be part of it.

They will love the chance, honestly.

Nanny you are so crushed by everything, understandably. If you are just too sad to deal with all of this then let yourself be sad this year.
In coming years you will build your strength and for your children's sake you will do things like open presents together before or after Christmas, or have a birthday cake on the nearest Saturday to your birthday (the same way children have their parties on the nearest weekend to their birthday)

You will find joy in these things again, but maybe this year you just have too much going on to do this. That's ok.

Ask a friend to take your kids shopping for a gift for you, then you get a surprise, open it boxing day with the children. Do the same for your birthday.

Oh and plan a brilliant solo Xmas, it can be done. Start with bucks fizz for breakfast, dance to your favorite music, eat your favorite food be that Xmas pies or Shepherds pie or a curry delivery.

I'm so sorry, but there is no way round how flat you will feel on Christmas day. But you can limit the damage (as it were). Have some food you truly enjoy waiting ready when you get home, and some things that will make you feel good, be that new candles and bath stuff, a new movie and chocs, wine, you get my drift. This is the time you can treat yourself, and be very very kind and gentle to yourself.

When do the dc go? Can you do a Christmas Eve type thing with them? Jammies, snacks, movie, a little special 'early' pressie just from Mummy, rather than the Boxing Day of overtired overexcited overchristmas dc?

Will there be others in at work? Can you take posh nibbly things and have a nice time despite things?

As my dc got older, they really needed to see me open something, they do suddenly become aware of it (youngest was about 3.5 but the others always made me things off their own bats, but I very luckily have most excellent parents). So I now buy 4 little bits of nothing for me (and dp...it does get better, promise) so I can open something from each child.

it's a bit shit, but things do get easier, until then, look after yourself too x.

What about a nice pamper advent calender. It's prepackaged and you don't have to look at the contents first you'd get the surprise element. You can do an unwrap each day on the build up and its something you could do with your dc if they have have advents. Some are half price this weekend with black Friday events.

More than that, it shows you're worthy of presents too. As they grow up they'll see you as having needs for things too.

We don’t do adult presents at Christmas and my birthday is also just before Christmas. My husband will get me a present but it’s usually so thoughtless I actually wish he wouldn’t bother. I do try to treat myself in some way though either finding a time to go for a quiet cup of coffee or taking my kids out for a treat we will all enjoy even if it’s not over Christmas or not on my birthday. Could you do something like that instead

An adult advent calendar is a really good idea!

The kids go to the ex on 21st. I know it's not fair but I am tired of everything being a fight with him. They come back to me on Boxing Day. He wanted them til the new year and was very much told to get stuffed. My birthday is a week before Christmas. I work in a school and so there is no capacity for drinks or nibbles and I absolutely do not want to announce it is my birthday. It's a big one which isn't helping my glumness. I just want a card and pressie from someone who loves me, like my mum.

I think you should buy yourself something that's a big treat (new gadget, clothing, makeup?) and then some of your favourite chocolates and some bubble bath. Goto work, use your presents, have an early night and then have Boxing Day with the kids opening their stuff. Have a nice dinner as you would on Xmas day and go out for a walk to see the lights afterwards. It's not all about gifts

I have looked for an adult advent calendar. You don't get them here (not in the uk)

Also, I hope you don't buy presents for ex on behalf of your children, seeing as he doesn't for you

I have previously but not anymore. He couldn't even say the words that he was sorry when my mum died. A woman he had known for 25 years. The twat.

That’s a perfectly reasonable thing to want, and common for many of us.
You want some one to be kind to you, could you start the process being kind to yourself?
Accept that this year is tough. Give yourself permission to feel crap. To not put on a performance.
On your birthday- can you find some space in day to let yourself grieve? In what every way helps- visit the grave, or a quiet walk, or just some time with a favourite item?
I know you are at work, and schools are busy places this time of year. But I think it’s important that you acknowledge your feelings, and accept them.
Do you have any of your mum’s clothes? You can get lovely cushions made from items of clothing. This will never replace her hugs, but may give you something to hang onto?
Take care of yourself. It sounds tough.

I used to take DC to lovely little shop near my home, give them £20 and then stand in shop door while they chose something and paid for it. Then they took it and wrapped it up.. They started this when they were 6 and 4. Still using my pink purse 10 years later, also hanging candle holder, box with bird on lid, train with "mummy"spelt on carriages. Nice shop, understanding staff, so nice gifts.