Is it true that if you onlyy have boys, you will be less close to your grandchildren than mothers of girls?

[Greensleeves]

I've seen this mentioned on the other thread about mums of boys (so technically a TAAT I suppose, but more of a tangential question really)

Is it true? Can mothers of boys really expect to be lesser grandparents than mothers of girls? It's the first time I've ever really given it any thought

Depends on you, him and her!

I'm confident of positive relationships in future- I have healthy boundaried relationships with my DSs.

It depends on a few factors: geography, sons wives relatitionship with IL’s and her own parents, ages of IL’s, mutual
respect etc etc.
If my parents had been different our DC would have been very close to them as it’s easier with a daughter in general also they live 150 miles closer and only 10 minutes drive away but my sister who lives 5 minutes walk away from them completely took the pee and completely monopolised them to the point that they had no time or interest in my two. MIl lived too far away to be as close, so had no real hands experience or seemed to have an interest in being hands on when they were babies instead she tried to cram in 6 weeks cuddles to a weekend so as babies they cried and sensed it was too much, she also became very opinionated and regularly put me down and regularly dismissed and disrespected ideas and modern guidelines. She wanted to give DS a massive piece of her birthday cake when he had only been on baby rice for a fortnight. She expected me to wake up our new baby just after he was settled when she was over four hours late setting off to visit us because they had decided to leave later then go shopping etc etc.
So in general it would be easier for a daughter (who is generally off longer with babies) to visit her parents and her parents are likely to feel easier visiting but this doesn’t have to be the case.

It completly depends on the family and the circumstances. As long as you arn't a MIL from hell, get on well with your son and live close there is no reason you won't be as involved or more so as the maternal grandparents.

I was closer with my paternal grandmother, but my kids with be closer with my parents. But then both my husbands brothers kids are really close with their paternal grandma, who my kids don't see that often.

No because people are all different. Circumstances are all different.

My DC have more involvement with my PIL than my parents. I'm a bit sad about it TBH. It's simply because DH's family are big and involved with each other so there tend to be family events,whereas mine are all spread out and distant.

In my experience yes. One DIL wanted to distance my son and finally succeeded. It has made it very difficult for me to see the grandchildren.

Other DIL made sure they bought a house nearer her parents than to me. It's made it more difficult for me to see their children too.

I have a good relationship with all grandchildren, but am not as close as the other grandparents in both cases. Sadly.

True in my case. SIL and I are both close to our own mothers but, despite us making an effort with MIL, we have never built that closeness. I think when she was younger she was more focused on her own life and friends, now she is older and retired, with friends moved on or gone, I think she misses out

It has made me more determined to be nice to my sons' partners so I hope history won't repeat itself

It is in my experience, but as a pp says it really does depend on the mother/daughter or mother/son relationship.

I think in the past it has been this way because mothers traditionally were at home and their mothers helped them. But things are different now so I think this will change with them!

In my case yes - but this is anecdotal obviously.

My parents see my DC more than they see my brother's. This is despite living significantly closer to my brother than to me.

My PIL see my DC less than my parents. This is partly because we live about 3 times further from my PIL. But realistically we live closer to my parents partly because it matters more to me to be near them, I would be uncomfortable living so far from my parents.

The biggest factor really is how much effort I put into nurturing the relationship between my DC and my parents. I talk to my mum a few times a week and always share news about my DC, I also encourage my DC to talk on the phone too. I might call my PIL once a month, because I think that this is DH's relationship to nurture and because MIL is very hard to get off the phone once she is on it.

No. My parents saw more of my DBs' kids than mine, our DD was closer to DHs parents.

More to do with geography than anything else.

There won't be any data on this, so anecdotes is all there is.

My kids were/ are far closer to DH's parents than mine (were because mil died 18 months ago).

This is because

1. DH's parents are more hands on
2. we live closer to DH's parents
3. they are DH's parents only grandchildren, whereas my parents practically co-parent one of my sister's children.

Of course the children of the sister I mention are closer to our parents than their father's, who not coincidentally live further away from them...

I think it depends, is the answer.

I actually found mil a bit easier than my own mother too though, despite the fact we had to communicate in a language which was not either of our mother tongue (or perhaps because of that ). My mother has a tendency to make everything about her... She drove me away with her behaviour after my older children were born, overstepped a lot of boundaries and made me uncomfortable and upset, so by dc3 I had her at arm's length.

Generally speaking yes and probably because it is directly determined by the relationship the children's mother has with her MIL. We live far nearer to PIL than my own family but I find MIL overbearing and opinionated and I try to avoid her as much as possible which means the children don't see her as much either.

I have two brothers, one lives 5 hours from our parents the other three hours. My parents see and are closest to the brother 5 hours away and his dc. They know and dote on his dc. I (their daughter) live 2 hours away and see them once a year, as do my children. Their choice. I get on well with my mum but she is just not that bothered about a close relationship with her daughter. I think I might like her more than she likes me.
So in my experience it depends on the mums relationship with her child. My mum was always closest to the son she sees most, not so much to the one she sees a few times a year nor to me.

DH's parents and my parents are both 10 minutes up the road so we see both in equal amounts. Both sets spend at least one day of childcare each week.

But, if I needed anything, even just fancied popping round for a cup of tea I would probably call my mum over my MIL just because my relationship with my own mother is a lot easier than the relationship I have with MIL. I'd also be more inclined to invite my mum over than MIL because my mum has no airs and graces and I wouldn't need to make sure the house is shipshape before she came.

Depends on the relationship of the parents with grandparents, and the grandparents themselves. I loved my Dad's mum but not my Mum's mum, so was much closer to Dad's. My DD is closer to my mum than DH's Dad (only two grandparents she has), but that's due to age and geography.

I used to see both sets of grandparents regularly , i wss closer to.my cousins on my mums side but thats because my cousins on my dads side all lived really close to each other and we didnt and tbh they are a funny lot my boys only have my parents, dh mum died befors we got married and he hasent seen his dad in years , they also only see my sisters boys they used to be close to their cousins from dh sister , but after a family tragedy there was a huge family rift so they dont get to see dh. Step dad ( who they called Grandad) as he appears to have disowned us all.

I think it’s true in our family, although not through lack of trying on our part

DH has 2 sisters and 1 brother. MiL is not interested in either of her sons’ children but is very involved with her daughters’ children.

I think it has a lot to do with the relationship MIL has with DIL. I hate my MIL and don’t want to see her, and don’t want DC to be damaged by her ridiculous behaviour. But if I’d married my ex they’d have seen his mother all the time because she was lovely, so kind and generous and treated me like a daughter.

I agree it depends on the relationship between parents and grandparents. My MIL is lovely, DH is close to her, and we all (including my parents) live in the same small town, so I've tried very hard to make sure that everything is equal. If I have an emergency, eg a puking child on a day I can't work from home, I'll probably call my mum first because it's easier to be a pain in the arse to my own mum, but if I called MIL she would without question help if she could. MIL is DD's absolute favourite person ever. My mum is probably a close second, but MIL is no. 1.

Geography
Relationships/ personalities

None of our relations are particularly close. MiL is in another country, but that means we stay with her for several days each year and the DCs find that much more exciting than trips an hour down the motorway to DM.

DB has a great relationship with her, helped by being more local. SiL has a more distant (physically and emotionally) with her DM so there isn't much competition between DB's DM and MiL.

I'd hope that I can have healthy relationships with my DSs that continue into their adulthoods, and onto their partners and my GCs.

I was closer to dad's mum than mum's mum. DS has an equal relationship with both of our parents.

I think it totally depends on the relationship between the parent and child as to how the relationship with grandchildren is.

A son’s a son ‘til he finds a wife.
A daughter’s a daughter for the rest of your life.

MASSIVE generalisation, but still broadly true.

Not in our case. The DDs' father died many years ago, but we still see MIL at least once a week. They are very close and we love her to bits.

I absolutely loved and adored my paternal grandmother, she has passed now and I wish we'd had so much more time together. My maternal grand mother I wasn't so close with, she just wasnt that kind of person although we did get on fine, just not so close. So not as expected, possibly?