Life with 2 toddlers. Any advice appreciated. At my wits end.

[Sparrowlegs248]

I'm single, 2 boys 3 and under. Some days are great, some are fine, some are fucking horrendous. The older one constantly taking things from the younger, pushing, smacking, pulling him about. Younger screams (overreact a bit) older takes absolutely no notice of anything I say on these days. I end up removing him from the situation and he sits and cries. Younger one plays happily, older one constant harassing him. This is when I'm trying to do stuff (by that I mean get washed and dressed, make breakfast etc).

Are they going to grow up to be boys who fight constantly?

I do get a day off a week. It's filled with catching up on the stuff I don't do when they're here.

Any advice on how to approach this without going mad?

A bit more discipline for the older one...?

That's why I've posted, to ask people how they'd deal with this. What do you mean by discipline? I tell him every single time. I take him away and he has to sit near to me behaving. What other tactics are there?

You sound like you’re fine to me, OP.

Discipline for this age should be (imo anyway) removing from the situation and a firm ‘no; we do NOT smack/grab/whatever.’

They probably will fight a lot and then you’ll enter a room one day to see them playing or cuddling each other ...

Do you use time out or the naughty step?

Does he get privileges taken away?

Does he get stars / rewards for good behaviour?

I guess I do use time out. I don't say naught step.

I'm.not sure what privileges I can take away from a 3 yr old. He doesn't watch tv. We don't have any gadgets .

A reward chat might help.

It's all very low level but constant.

Thanks continually

I've got a two year age gap between mine. It was a difficult stage when they were 3 and 1. Because the youngest was moving and taking things to play with them and eldest didn't like this! Think he thought his little brother was going to be lying in a cot all the time. I'm not sure if it's got easier as they've got older or I'm just more used to it! They're 3 and 5 now.

It's did get a bit easier when youngest started talking and they actually do play together most of the time now. I also tend to buy two of toys for them now to avoid arguments. It's definitely been a work in progress getting them to share and take turns, but I did make a point of ramming that home from when they were little.

We did get funded childcare hours from 2, so eldest did go out for half a day when his brother was little. That gave me a bit of a break too. Then he went to nursery school from 3. I also tried to take them out most days at that age. Even if it was just an hour to run around the park and let off some steam.

TBH when I went for a shower at that age I put youngest in the cot bed with toys and eldest on the landing with the stair gate closed so they were separated and couldn't fight!

I guess all kids are different. My DD is really gentle, over gentle probably because if she was ever heavy-handed with anyone or any animals I'd raise my voice and sit her down in a timeout (when she was between 1.5-2) when she was a bit older I'd sit her down in her room and tell her she wasn't allowed to continue playing and shut the door.

Seems harsh I know, but it worked. I was really strict and harsh with her and it's paid off as she's now 4 and except for the occasional tantrum she's really well behaved and stops misbehaving as soon as I raise my voice.

but it could be really different for siblings? I've only ever had experience of her with family pets and her cousins.

They do play and cuddle, it's just some days are......relentless.

Oh yes notta

Don’t worry too much, honestly, they are at a really tricky age and it sounds like you’re doing fine.

Try to avoid simply leaving them to play unsupervised when you are busy but engage the older one in doing something, whether that's "helping" you by holding a rag to clean or playing with a toy he really likes. Make sure you praise him for playing nicely with his brother and he gets lots of attention for that but little when he is fighting. Also don't reward the baby for overreacting by making a big fuss of him, just respond appropriate to the situation as calmly as possible.

Youngest gets out of the cot. To be fair to the older, I never have him on his own. The younger one toddler about quite happily on his own, and I'm sure his brother would too but it never happens.

I remember my mum having a very 'grown-up' conversation with me (when I was about 4 - I really appreciated being treated like a big kid) about how it was my responsibility to take care of my little brother and how he was mine to look after. It really stuck with me. Sure you've tried similar but do you think he'd respond to that approach?

I'm a single mum of 3 boys. It does get easier. Mine are now 3, 4 and 5.

These are my best tips from when they were 1, 2 and 3.

Top discipline tip, keep it simple. If the big one is being naughty puck him up, put him on his bed and say very firmly and repeatedly 'Not fun.' Don't bore him or you going over it. Just say those 2 simple words and move on. Don't leave him in his room for ages and if he has sat on his bed for any length of time then welcome him back. Don't piss yourself off pissing him off for something he will stop doing when he is a bit older anyway.

Actually, what else are you struggling with? I have tons of tips!

I do that as much as possibly Runny but there are times such as when I'm getting ready for work that I just can't. Also it has to be said, times when I just don't want to (Not their fault I know, it exhausts me tbh)

We have the same problem but it tends to be dgd2 who starts the fights. She likes all the attention so she takes toys away from dgs5, just to get a reaction, and then screams when he takes them back. I've said I'll only have one at a time because I can't stand the fighting. (I know you haven't got that option OP).

Could you put a gate up somewhere to give you a tiny bit more freedom to do the essential jobs to get you all out of the house more easily?

How are meals?

Oh we go out, a lot!

Meals are pretty good. They both eat well and sit at the table (youngest strapped in)

They are good when out too. Shouldn't complain really.

I used to give mine their main meal early on in the day. Or say 3pm. Afyer a walk so they devoured it. Then theyd only need a bit of toast before bed.

Or id make a packed lunch for them to have for dinner. Because if made it there were no dishes or prep. Bought me a piece of time.

I did used to do that Ohio, but mostly tea times are ok ....... I know most people consider it the worst time of the day.

If it's the discipline thing that's exhausting you then honestly I promise it passes. At 3, 4 and 5 they are so much more able to self regulate.

What you say about "don't piss yourself off pissing him off " is really spot on, I suppose I don't really know what will be grown out of. I worry about letting things go (it's a phase/will grow out of it) and then ending up with a pair of horribly behaved children.

Yes the dc2 screaming (overreacting) dc1 constantly poking holding taking stuff doing stuff to him and me constantly trying not to lose my shit with them

The older one is doing it for attention when you're busy, and he gets it - even though its negative, he won't care. What I would do is if he hurts the younger child, pick up the youngest for a cuddle and chat, and ignore the elder boy for a few minutes.

I have thoight that, and have tried picking younger up and cuddling, taking him to where am. Older just follows and carries om after a minute .

I really don't spend ages doing stuff, but some things are essential. I wash up etc after they've gone to bed.