Personality disorder?

[iwasaterribleperson]

I had an almighty meltdown this week in a very public place - self harm and a severe panic attack . I ended up being seen by several mental health professionals over three days and GP and given diazepam to help me calm down.

I have a pre existing diagnosis of GAD, OCD and depression with self harm . I’ve never attempted suicide although have had thoughts a long time ago , but self harm very frequently. Have had anxiety problems all my life but significantly worse since age 14 or so ... now in late twenties. I was abused as a child and various other adverse circumstances .

I’ve since been told doctor is thinking I might have a personality disorder instead , and if I do it would be one of the ‘anxious’ ones .

My mother has a diagnosis of BPD. Paternal grandmother also had a personality disorder of some sort and took her own life . Father also has lots of issues . My cousin has BPD too ... so it wouldn’t necessarily surprise me if I get a diagnosis as well now .

I’m a bit concerned what’s likely to happen next . I’m on a waiting list to have therapy and having some CBT provided via university in the interim . I’ve also been given a mental health worker via university ... I’m not sure how personality disorders are diagnosed at all, if it has to be a psychiatrist or something ? How do they know ? It would sort of help me to realise there’s a reason I am as I am (biologically I mean, I can explain it with past trauma a bit).

I will try and make an appt to ask GP a bit about things , but just wondering if anyone on here had any experience ... it’s not something that necessarily needs to affect stuff like jobs , etc is it ? I’m worried if I do get a label people will have prejudices and assume I’m sociopathic , or dangerous , or something which is very far from it! I work in a public facing role and am usually fine at work, I don’t want to jeapordise career chances etc...

I do remember being told years ago psychologist thought I had ‘dependant avoidant’ disorder but no idea what that means in reality . Presume it’s along same lines though .

Just wanted to call in and wish you well, as your recent experience sounded very scarey. I really feel for you.

I only gleamed recently that many suffer with PD as a result of abuse, that BPD etc are often as a result of trauma in childhood. Dependent avoidant also points to that, in having fractured bonds with parents, but only you know your situation.

I would suggest a psychiatrist would need to assess you, for a diagnosis, and I am not aware of you needing to tell your work, I would ask those that are supporting you.

I am sure someone more knowledgeable will come along soon. You might find the mental healths boards to be very supportive too? Theres activity on there at night too.

I work in mental health. In my experience, a lot of women with autism are diagnosed with a PD instead. It’s a huge issue.

Women with autism often go undetected because they can present differently to men with autism. Autism can make people very anxious, and this can lead to panic attacks that are more properly described as ‘meltdowns.’

That’s not to say that you don’t have a personality disorder, or that people with autism can’t also have one. Certainly adverse childhood experiences are a risk factor for PD, and you have a family history - assuming they weren’t misdiagnosed in the past.

I’m not making an online diagnosis...I’m just giving you the heads up that women with autism are frequently misdiagnosed.

In your position, I would do some research about women with autism and rule it out. I think a diagnosis of personality disorder has more negative implications in the world of mental health services than a diagnosis of autism, and the rate of historical misdiagnosis I see in my job is very alarming. Psychiatrists are looking for a psychiatric disorder. They aren’t usually experienced in spotting autism in women. Autism and PD share some traits - if the psychiatrist isn’t experienced in autism, they will automatically attribute these traits to a possible PD.

I just came on to say the same: research autism in women. My predominant emotion emotion anxiety with a dose of panic a few times a day. I was diagnosed with BPD as a teenager but knew it wasn't a correct fit. I was diagnosed with Autism (the diagnosis of Aspergers is no longer used) earlier this year. It runs in families too.

Indeed it does. I’m glad you got the right diagnosis in the end.

I'm just posting to agree with those suggesting Autism. Many health professionals including psychiatrists have no idea of how it can present in women. Women are massively under diagnosed and can struggle all there life while being diagnosed with various other things.

Also, your HCP's are unlikely to be able to differentiate between autistic traits and symptoms of PD. My MH keyworker was completely shocked when I got my autism diagnosis. She was utterly convinced I was neurotypical and very ignorant of the condition. Awareness of autism in the mental health services is not good.

Sorry to sound like I've diagnosed you already, I haven't assumed you are autistic. I do believe that it is vital to research all possibilities and rule other options out in order to get the most appropriate care. Since ASD is very commonly missed in women who are then labelled incorrectly it is logical to explore that possibility.

their lives - just correcting my typo.

I was diagnosed by a team about 15 years ago. Hundreds of questions and a few interviews. Then it went to a panel - CPN, psychologist and psychiatrist.

Result was BPD and AvPD.

I do align myself with the autism diagnosis sometimes and did actually make an appointment with the GP to discuss this - but cancelled because I'm not sure - if true - the value of any new diagnosis. I'm also quite sure than my abandonment issues are severe and I don't know if that fits autism.

Yes, you are likely to be treated like crap if you reveal a personality disorders - I was told to allude to bipolar - far more socially acceptable. crazy isn't it? That you can be judged unfavourably for having the misfortune of having a shit childhood.

I truly hope your university can help. I dropped out because I went quite bonkers and had no idea I was ill and wasn't diagnosed for some years.

I have a BPD diagnosis - though I’m largely well and would say the worst of it in remission. I think it did fit all my symptoms when I was diagnosed but I don’t have any childhood trauma so I don’t fit the mould.

I think very often BPD is given as a diagnosis when they don’t know what else to label you, and most of the time it’s really autism (as others have said) I’ve also seen suggestions that BPD is part of the autism spectrum but ‘further along’ which makes a lot of sense to me, although I am not autistic. Or complex PTSD. Several friends diagnosed BPD absolutely have complex PTSD in actuality.

That’s not to say I didn’t find getting a BPD diagnosis useful, I did, mostly because I felt it was a behavioural disorder I could work on rather than a biological certainty (unlike the bipolar diagnosis I had before) and I started getting better after I got it. But for many I do think it’s thrown in when PTSD or autism would make more sense - the high prevalence of trauma in those given the diagnosis makes PTSD highly logical as an option.

It’s absolutely not the sentence it used to be as well, there’s loads of treatment and lots that can be done to help. Good luck x

You can have autism and abandonment issues/trauma (attachment disorder?) Having autism doesn't mean you can't have other problems.

Oh and I don’t tell people at work! My anxiety/depression has come up but I never say BPD

@Mormont noones saying you can’t.

I think that was probably me buffalo, I was questioning whether I could actually be autistic given my abandonment issues.

I will raise it with my GP as I've booked an appointment to see him soon as I had my PIP renewal this week and went a tad bonkers.

I would also suggest considering if you have Autism. I too have been diagnosed with anxiety - GP said GAD. Things got worse at senior school, I had a total burnout at 17, and again at 22 when the pressures of A-levels and uni overhwhelmed me.

It wasn’t until I was 33 that I saw a MN thread about autism in women and I realised that it was me. I this this link to Tania Marshall’s website and there were so many bits of it I related to. I asked my GP to refer me and I was assessed, diagnosed with ASD. It’s been really helpful to be diagnosed, to understand why I am like I am. I’m still the same person but I’m kinder to myself because I understand better. I’m better at pacing myself too because I know I need to rest more than most people. It’s definitely worth considering.

Some very hopeful posts here. I really have my work cut out on mental health services, as they just don’t understand autism very well. Once they’ve decided a person has a PD, everything is viewed through that lens. Meltdowns are ‘attention seeking,’ and coming to rely on the people who understand your autism is seen as ‘splitting the team,’ which is bandied around as some sort of evidence that it’s definitely personality disorder. We need to raise awareness of this, it needs to stop!

Thank you Peevesofportishead, yes buffalocauliflower I was trying to reassure peevesof portishead.

@Mormont ah sorry for the confusion

Thank you buffalocauliflower😀

So much for "all us BPD" people being vile - it's all "thanking you" and "you're so kind" around here!

😀

@PeevedOfPortishead it’s a very unfair stereotype isn’t it? Though I know I can lash out (verbally/emotionally) if I can’t process my feelings - usually fear of being abandoned, that good old BPD favourite - I’m a great friend, I’m lucky to have many, I’m kind, I’m thoughtful, I’m caring, and my friends and family would agree. BPD women are painted like ogres, selfish and hysterical, and it’s very unfair.

I meet many BPD women and they are just as lovely as anybody.

Monday was horrible yeah , I’m still feeling very shaken up . I managed to go to Tesco yesterday but feeling horrendous about the whole thing and very alone ... I’m a student so hundred and fifty miles from my mum . My aunty lives just ten miles away but she’s having her own issues so I can’t go round ... it’s difficult as just want a hug and to see someone familiar!!

YY to childhood issues and abnormal attachment but autism wouldn’t surprise me actually .

My younger sister is severely autistic although she actually functions quite well now , lives in supported living with a flatmate (who has Down’s syndrome) and they get on fine with 24/7 carer access , but I remember my mum said she always thought I was the autistic one . I do have a diagnosis of dyspraxia .

I’m trying to think of day to day things ...

Sensory - I struggle with hot and cold temperatures , I’m very fussy about clothing and bedding (eg what fabric), don’t like strong smells but go towards strong tasting food (olives, stinky cheese, ginger). I don’t like my hair or face being touched ... and I am dreadful with loud noises , even cinema volume can seem too loud ! Terrified of crowds and busy places . I’m also very funny with heights of any description - like my perception goes weird, even just climbing a hill or stairs or rooms with vaulted ceilings .

Major thing at the moment is anywhere I can’t easily escape to my safety zone from , eg lectures, shops , public transport ... If I’m out I’m constantly counting down the minutes until I can go home again .

Socially ... I struggle to make friends and maintain relationships but I do find it easy to empathise and care for others a lot , work involved that as would future career .. but struggle with more complex stuff like body language , sarcasm , idioms , metaphors and can take stuff literally .

The other thing is I can remember vast amounts of information - I have vivid memories back to about 12 months of age but can remember details about all sorts , and ‘retain’ everything I see or hear if that makes sense . I started to read at 18 months or so , or so my parents would say , school said I was reading fluently by age 5 .

It honestly wouldn’t surprise me at all if I was given a diagnosis . I did mention it to my GP once and she said would it not be easier just to see me as me , but I’m wondering if it might open other avenues of support if I did get myself diagnosed ? Have no clue how I’d actually go about it though. I don’t imagine my GP would say much , they’re very quick just to hand out tablets and stare at the PC the whole time !!

Oh my goodness, you really do need an assessment. Please make sure they don’t assess you exclusively for a PD. You need somebody who understands both.