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Original poster

Unexpected pregnancy

30 replies

CloudyMelon · 22/11/2018 23:12

Help... I've just found out I'm pregnant. I'm a student in my final year of uni and I've been with my partner for several years but I don't think we are in a good position to have a baby.
I know that strangers on the internet can't really help me but I guess I'm late night panicking and I'm just looking for a bit of reassurance... I can't believe this has happened

OP posts:

LemonChickenThyme · 22/11/2018 23:15

Finding out you’re pregnant can be a shock when you’re not expecting it! What kind of reassurance would be helpful?

Original poster

CloudyMelon · 22/11/2018 23:21

I don't even know.. I'm just going through a rollercoaster of emotions. I mean.. is it even possible to have a baby and be a student? Can I afford it? Can I live with myself if I get rid of it? How do I tell my partner? How do I tell my parents?

OP posts:

sunshineandshowers21 · 22/11/2018 23:27

i was pregnant with my second child during my final year of uni, and whilst it was a struggle i managed it. my tutors were great with extending deadlines, giving me lectures notes if i couldn’t attend etc. i had my son three days after the last teaching day and was writing my dissertation in between feeds and managed to graduate with a first. it will be a struggle and you’ll need lots of support but it is possible if you can’t face the alternative.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1st trimester Families General pregnancy

Original poster

CloudyMelon · 22/11/2018 23:40

Thank you. Unless I've got my dates completely wrong the baby would be born after I finish my exams anyway. But how difficult is it to study whilst heavily pregnant? Will my friends and other students bully me? How should I even tell my partner and my parents?

OP posts:

Kissel · 22/11/2018 23:45

I know people who have completed their third year pregnant or with a newborn. I can imagine it’s bloody hard work!
I worked full time heavily pregnant and was fine despite having a very difficult pregnancy but every pregnancy is so different!
OP, remember you have plenty of time to make your mind up and tell people.

KingPrawnBalls · 22/11/2018 23:49

No one should bully anyone, especially a pregnant woman
If anyone does, I will come and boot their arse! When I was in my 3rd year a fellow student was pregnant and she was fine ( and got a 1st)

Aquamarine1029 · 23/11/2018 01:18

You've been with your partner for SEVERAL years and don't know how to tell him??

moredoll · 23/11/2018 04:01

how difficult is it to study whilst heavily pregnant?

A lot easier than with a newborn.

You need to tell your partner and take some time to decide what you're doing.

Get in touch with the student support service at your university. They should be able to offer advice.
If you decide to go ahead with the pregnancy let the university know as soon as possible. You'll need time off for antenatal appointments.

shiveringtimber · 23/11/2018 04:43

Do you want to have a baby, OP? It may seem obvious but a child is a lifelong responsibility. There is nothing "easy" about parenting. Your baby/toddler/child will need constant care and unless you can afford to pay someone else to do it, you're stuck. Parenting is a joy but it's also bloody hard work.

FrumpyTrumpy · 23/11/2018 04:52

Will my friends and other students bully me?

[hmm Why would your friends bully you? A twenty year old woman getting pregnant is hardly news, and you shoulnd't be friends with people who would bully anyone, let alone a pregnant woman. Something about this thread is slightly off, but if true, it's perfectly possible to study while pregnant. And perfectly possible to study with a baby, though a newborn might be more difficult. As for "can I live with myself if I get rid", if that's what you want then yes, yes you could. Worry that you would feel guilty otherwise is not a good reason to have baby. It's a myth peddled by the pro life movement that women regret their decisions and don't feel enormous relief.

graziadaily.co.uk/life/real-life/women-dont-regret-abortion-study-shows/

Original poster

CloudyMelon · 23/11/2018 04:57

Thank you so much for your replies. Sorry my head has been all over the place and I posted this in a frantic rush of panic. I've just spent the last few hours talking about it with my partner and feel so much better.

OP posts:

twiglet · 23/11/2018 05:07

If unsure what you wish to do go and speak to your student support service/counselling service. If you explain that your pregnant they should be able to get you an appointment fairly quickly and obviously it's free.

They won't tell you what to do but can help support etc.

TheDowagerCuntess · 23/11/2018 05:49

Hi OP, sorry you're in this situation.

It would be a total no-brainer for me (I wouldn't go ahead with it), but that's only an option for women who feel very certain about their decision.

If you think you might regret such a decision, that probably tells you all you need to know.

TheDowagerCuntess · 23/11/2018 05:54

You've been with your partner for SEVERAL years and don't know how to tell him??

If you genuinely can't get your head around why it might be difficult for a young women to tell her partner that she's pregnant, when neither of them had any intention of being so, then you probably need help with even the most basic of tasks and your opinion should be thoroughly discounted. Sorry, but come on...

RolandDeschainsGilly · 23/11/2018 07:10

What The DowagerCuntess said

ManHatingfeministType · 23/11/2018 07:55

If you think you might regret such a decision, that probably tells you all you need to know.

I disagree Dowager, i think most women wonder if they will regret it. Every prolife organization has pushed the narrative that women do then go on to regret their choices. I most definitely did not want to be pregnant when I found myself needing an abortion but was terrified that I would regret the decision forever because it's what you hear. I (didn't regret it at all as it happens, and actually the vast majority of women don't OP)

I actually felt the opposite when I read the OP. because I don't think most women who want a pregnancy at all would be considering an abortion.

vandrew4 · 23/11/2018 08:16

lots of women around the world carry on with manual work right up till birth. Studying won't be a problem.

Trills · 23/11/2018 08:20

You don't have to be pregnant if you don't want to be.

You didn't want to be pregnant last week, you certainly weren't trying to be pregnant, there's no reason why you suddenly would think it was a good idea.

Original poster

CloudyMelon · 23/11/2018 09:05

Thanks all. We've had a think about our way forward. Financially we should be able to make it work, my partner has a job as well as a sideline business. I need to talk to the university to see what support or advice they can offer, baby won't be due until after my final exams though so I don't think there's much they can do. We also need to figure out a way to tell both of our (estranged) parents. I've recently secured my dream graduate job which I am due to start next summer and I need to speak to them to see whether a delay would be possible.
Hopefully once we've spoken to some of these people we will be able to make a more informed decision.
Thanks again!

OP posts:

harrypotterfan1604 · 23/11/2018 09:14

Hi :) I am currently 34 weeks pregnant and have just gone on maternity leave from university. I am in my second year one more to go! Studying while pregnant hasn’t been hard for me but I imagine returning to uni with a 7 month old will be very difficult.
It depends on your course, I’m a nursing student so placements were a bit harder but I got there.
I also live with my partner and have a mortgage so I understand all the financial worry my first few weeks of being pregnant were filled with tears and constant worry about what we will do.
It’s managable Though.
Feel free to pm me and I will help wherever I can. I feel like I’ve done so much research I’ve got a lot of knowledge now on what unis can and can’t offer.
My pregnancy was too unplanned and a great shock, I didn’t know how to tell my partner either because I was hormonal and irrational and not thinking straight due to the shock. That doesn’t mean this baby is any less loved and ilcertaibly has no reflection on our very strong relationship I was just all over the place.

However if you don’t want to be pregnant then you don’t have to be either, were children a part of your future plans as a couple? If not then that’s an entirely different conversation to be had. But there’s a choice here and you shouldn’t feel like there isn’t.

Bigonesmallone3 · 23/11/2018 09:25

If u WANT to make it work u will make it work, plenty have before u..
if u don't then u know what u have to do..

twiglet · 23/11/2018 09:27

@CloudyMelon if wanting to keep the baby then you won't need the counselling sessions but most student support services also have a welfare/benefits advisor who can let you know how to work out what you can get and also help with looking at finances etc. So still worth popping down to see what they can do. Our service used to be based in the SU but think it's uni dependent

Original poster

CloudyMelon · 23/11/2018 13:55

Thank you. Yes we had talked about having children, but not for a while yet! We wanted the security of marriage and some money saved up after a few years of work so that we could give children a happy and fulfilled childhood that both of us never had.

OP posts:

moredoll · 23/11/2018 15:21

I've recently secured my dream graduate job which I am due to start next summer and I need to speak to them to see whether a delay would be possible.

That's a major consideration. I think you need.to talk things through with a counsellor at student services.

Original poster

CloudyMelon · 23/11/2018 23:27

Moredoll I'm going to speak to them on Monday although I'm really not sure how they will help

OP posts:

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