Estranged friend conveniently trying to get in touch

[scamander]

Haven't talked for 5 years. Drifted apart. She was very clingy and I made half hearted attempt to stay in touch by leaving message on a platform I knew she rarely check. Wasn't invited for her wedding or child's christening.

We have a common relative that I absolutely respect. She called to to let me know friend was in town and I didn't express any interest of getting her contact details. Keep in mind friend could've gotten my number 5yrs ago if she really wanted to stay in touch.

I just got a text saying this is your friends number and she had yours from the relative. Seconds later estranged friend calls (didn't pick) then texts to say 'hi, I got your number from c.rel, it's so and so, how are you and family' ... no acknowledgment of time that's lapsed. Would expect a hey, been ages etc etc. Nothing very formal.

I know for sure she needs some information and I'm the only one that can provide that. She's tried to find out indirectly by asking people close to me but was on to her. Literally the next question if I reply her would be a segway into asking the information.

I don't want her back in my life but really respect the common relative that's closer to her. She seems to know things are strained between us but probably wants my 'friend' to find out what she needs. I don't know how to go about this. Should I ignore her call and texts blatantly? Also how to deal with calls and texts from common relative? I know for sure they thought this through. It forces me to be the villain in an outright manner if I don't reply her.

Is there any reply that would be 'hi, goodbye and don't ever text me'?

Depends, what is the information she wants and would it matter to you to give it to her? Could you tell you relative and they pass it on? Also was she horrible? Or did you drift apart?

Couldn't you just tell her what she needs to know? She will most likely fade away again and be off your back. You sound quite paranoid OP, over something quite trivial.

Do you want to give her the info?

I would reply.. “wish I could say I’m surprised to hear from you after a 5 year silence but I already heard from a few people that you desperately tried to find out about x.”

If you want to give her the info, then do. If you don’t, then block after sending just that.

Can't you just give her the info she needs? It would save a lot of drama surely?

If you don't want to give her the information then just block her number and deny all knowledge. Tell your relative they haven't been in touch.

Just send a blunt reply with the info and leave it. If it's as you say she will then bugger off again

Sorry for drip feed. Tbh I don't want to divulge info as it may jeopardise my work. It's career related.

She was kind, dependable but abrasive and clingy. We were friends at school. I can tell she hates being in this position but will do anything to find out. Also she's nosy and probably wants to know what I've been up to all this time

Why don't you want her to have the info?

@Breakyourselfagainstmystones they were probably together. I got text and call within seconds of each other. So they'd know I was lying

Just tell her and your relative that you don't want to jeopardise your work then.

I think it's one of those don't give more than you can afford to lose situations

Lots of people drift apart, five years isn't that long really (not when you're my age anyway). You say she was nice, why not give her a call and catch up? If she wants info that you don't feel able to give, tell her you don't know. It won't do any harm.

I would just ignore it and hope it all fades away!

What's the info she wants?

Is it info she needs or info she wants?

How funny to hear from you after so much time!! Give my love to auntie mabel.

If it's looking up info on a police database I'd definitely refuse.

Or getting someone's medical info.

Or any form of insider trading. Those are a few job-ending scenarios that come to mind.

If the jnformation would jeopardise your career no way would I give it to her.

Ignore her, if relative butts in again tell her you are not at liberty to divulge the information nosy ex friend wants as it would put your career and livelihood at risk. And please don’t forward your details to people without your permission in future.

Why does she need the information? That would be useful to know to advise.

If the info can get you into trouble st work just text and say
Thanks for getting I touch however I know you need this information but it'll get me into trouble st work so I can't discuss with you. Perhaps we should return to limited contact as we have been recently, please don't contact me about this again

She's only back in touch because she wants something - if you are not comfortable with her requests, tell her you can't help and have no further contact.

Tell your relative that if ex-friend is getting in touch to get this information from you, unfortunately you're not in a position to give it and it may save a lot of hassle if she lets ex-friend know that.

It depends on the information really.

Does she really NEED it for something important? For example my mum won't tell me enough info about my Biological Dad to find him. That makes her a cunt.

She also won't tell me if/when she'll pass my christening shawl to my cousin to give to me. That is her right because technically it belongs to her and her choice to pass it where she wants.

Which scenario is closer to what friend wants? If it's not illegal and won't affect you in a negative way I'd tell her then block her.

If you can't tell her I'd send a message to close relative saying, thanks for the heads up, I know she's looking to find out x, unfortunately I cannot help with that so won't be getting in touch with her.

Its a bit rich of common relative to give out your details without your say so

Dear x.
Sorry I know you want information as several people have told me.
This will not be happening as it is illegal for me to even look for the info.
Sorry.. Goodbye.