Estranged friend conveniently trying to get in touch

[scamander]

Haven't talked for 5 years. Drifted apart. She was very clingy and I made half hearted attempt to stay in touch by leaving message on a platform I knew she rarely check. Wasn't invited for her wedding or child's christening.

We have a common relative that I absolutely respect. She called to to let me know friend was in town and I didn't express any interest of getting her contact details. Keep in mind friend could've gotten my number 5yrs ago if she really wanted to stay in touch.

I just got a text saying this is your friends number and she had yours from the relative. Seconds later estranged friend calls (didn't pick) then texts to say 'hi, I got your number from c.rel, it's so and so, how are you and family' ... no acknowledgment of time that's lapsed. Would expect a hey, been ages etc etc. Nothing very formal.

I know for sure she needs some information and I'm the only one that can provide that. She's tried to find out indirectly by asking people close to me but was on to her. Literally the next question if I reply her would be a segway into asking the information.

I don't want her back in my life but really respect the common relative that's closer to her. She seems to know things are strained between us but probably wants my 'friend' to find out what she needs. I don't know how to go about this. Should I ignore her call and texts blatantly? Also how to deal with calls and texts from common relative? I know for sure they thought this through. It forces me to be the villain in an outright manner if I don't reply her.

Is there any reply that would be 'hi, goodbye and don't ever text me'?

I agree that to middle aged women like me, 5 years is nothing.

I've had good friend drift in and out of my life. Sometimes we're close, sometimes not or not even in touch. However sometimes people surprise you and they contact you, or you bump into them. It's always a nice thing for me. Sometimes we've chatted a bit, had a coffee and then drifted apart again after a while. Others we have stayed close again.

I don't really get the huge dilemma about this. Cant you just chat, say nice to catch up, then wait for her to ask you for the info. Then you give it (if you want).

Is the issue that you feel 'used' for this info? If so, just make a call. Either give or not.

Sorry just read that giving out the info would risk your career.

Fair dos. Then you politely explain that it risk your whole career and your not doing it. Just say it how it is. If she get shitty then she's BU and an arse.

Volunteer nothing and if somehow she or your relative ask you outright keep it as short and simple as possible.

Sorry it's not possible to pass on such information
Sorry I'm not allowed to divulge
or whatever seems most appropriate

Then let the connection drop, if she only wants to get in touch for this information you'll probably not hear any more anyway.

Is it infomation about a secret hobby?

Thank you so much for all the replies! Sometimes these things play out bigger than they really are in your head. I can really just say, sorry can't help. Just didn't want the fake 'friendship' that comes with it.

Yeah I'm definitely disgusted by relative giving out my number.

@Patroclus lol no, definitely not a secret hobby.

Thank you xx

Just wait for her to ask you and the say 'I can't really tell you any of that as it would be difficult for me at work. I know you'll understand. How is your dog/child:mum etc? '

Sorry x post