Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Dh feeling pushed out as both my dc in bed with me.

56 replies

CocoDeMoll · 22/11/2018 05:27

I think he’s over romantisizng the idea of two little cherubs snuggled up to me whereas the reality is I’m just getting back to sleep (must put the bastard phone down), I’m lying on a towel after the baby puked feeling the baby sick soaking in, halfway off the bed knowing the the 5yr old will be awake soon and probably wake up the 7m old. What exactly is he missing out on?!

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 22/11/2018 11:11

Sounds awful

differentnameforthis · 22/11/2018 11:19

I am shocked at the number of people who seems to think that an adult can’t possibly be expected to sleep by himself but a tiny baby should be

Echo that!!

Miggeldy · 22/11/2018 11:25

Nightmare. I'd hate that.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

5 year olds 6-9 months old Babies & sleep Children's sleep
ScrunchyBook · 22/11/2018 11:27

In our house the adult that gets to sleep in the spare room by themselves is the lucky one

Oblomov18 · 22/11/2018 11:42

No I meant ideally kids should be in their own bed, 5 year old, not specifically 7mth old.

FilledSoda · 22/11/2018 11:47

I'd hate that too.

NewYoiker · 22/11/2018 12:04

Why do you refer to them
As 'my dc' ? Very odd. He misses you

LettuceP · 22/11/2018 12:06

I am shocked at the number of people who seems to think that an adult can’t poaaibly be expected to sleep by himself but a tiny baby should be.

Oh come on? My 7 month old slept in his Moses basket from day one and is now in his cot in his own room. He's not emotionally scarred by it Hmm
And we all get a good night's sleep every night.

Sorry OP but I don't think your DH is being unreasonable to feel pushed out.

brookshelley · 22/11/2018 12:11

I hate sharing a bed with my kids, especially the older one. Kicks rolls and is generally an awful bedmate. So I have them share a room - we have enough rooms for them to be separate but they do seem to be a comforting presence to each other at night. OP is that an option? I moved them together at 11 months and 3 yrs old.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 22/11/2018 12:11

I think it is very telling that you call them my DC. It's not like he is expecting the 7 month old to sleep alone, surely they can sleep in a cot in your room. I do think its unreasonable that the bloke has not been allowed slept in his own bed for 7 months.

Ellapaella · 22/11/2018 12:23

I think it's fine for your DH to be annoyed and want to be able to share a bed with you properly but what is he going to do about it to support you in making it possible?
What's his plan for making a process where the children are encouraged to get back in their own beds?
This needs to be something you both work on together and support each other with. It doesn't happen overnight and is quite a tiring process of getting up and soothing when necessary etc. You both need to be fully engaged with it.

AngeloMysterioso · 22/11/2018 12:36

Tell him if he quits smoking he can get back in your bed. There’s certainly no need for you to have the 5 year old in there.

Jackshouse · 22/11/2018 14:45

LettuceP just because your baby was happy doing that does not mean all babies are happy to do that.

Original poster
CocoDeMoll · 22/11/2018 15:01

I didn’t realise I was saying MY dc. That’s not good!!

I will always put my dcs needs above his though. He can look after himself in theory

The 5 year old on my comes into bed gone midnight and is t a permentent fixture.

OP posts:
Original poster
CocoDeMoll · 22/11/2018 15:03

angelo I tried that but no dice!!

OP posts:
LettuceP · 22/11/2018 15:15

OP your complaining about having the kids in bed with you, maybe your DH wants you to get a good night's sleep?

Does he say that he wants to sleep in the bed with you and the kids, him with the kids and you in the spare or the two of you without the kids?

I would say try to see this from his point of view. He might think that the best thing for everyone would be for the children to be in their own beds and him back in his bed with you. You might not agree but that doesn't mean he is wrong and you are right. They are his kids too, he is entitled to an opinion on this.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 22/11/2018 15:21

So for 5 years he's not been able to sleep in the same bed as you or has this just become a problem since your 5 year old acquired a sibling?

I think he's probably frustrated that he doesn't have a solution and no doubt your probably tired because you find yourself with less sleep.

He sounds like he wants to help resolve the problem. Maybe you should sit down together and discuss a way forward because clearly what your doing now is working for nobody in the long run.

thehorseandhisboy · 22/11/2018 15:33

I disagree with Lettuce - your dh needs to be seeing things from your point of view.

You're the one who both your children want/need in the night. His job is to support you with this, preferably by looking after one of them but if they're not up for that, ensuring that he gets enough sleep to get up when they do to give you a bit of time in bed by yourself is the least he could do.

If he misses being in bed with you, he needs to actively imput around encouraging the children to sleep elsewhere eg he sleep in your 5 year old's room until she will sleep by herself.

And ignore the remarks about 'oh my baby didn't do this' as indeed all babies and children are different.

gamerchick · 22/11/2018 15:35

I am shocked at the number of people who seems to think that an adult can’t poaaibly be expected to sleep by himself but a tiny baby should be

Pathetic isnt it? Grin

OP tell him you're happy to swap.

Original poster
CocoDeMoll · 22/11/2018 15:55

He’d happily have the 5 yr old in with him but she only wants me in the night. It hasn’t being going on 5 yrs!! Only really in the last few months. I don’t want her to feel pushed out by he new baby.

OP posts:
SillyPsychicAcid · 22/11/2018 15:57

Emperor size bed solved that.

thehorseandhisboy · 22/11/2018 17:06

It would be worth trying him taking your 5 year old back to bed in the night, on repeat if she keeps coming in, and staying with her for a bit.

Of course she wants you, but you need sleep for everyone's sake.

His smoking makes it inadvisable to have the baby in the same room as him, which is a shame as the baby may sleep longer if he can't smell your milk.

How does the baby do in a cot in a separate room to you?

NWQM · 22/11/2018 17:46

It's okay he is feeling left out. What is he doing about it? Sulking - tell him to take a running jump or helping with soothing the 5 year old? If it's the latter fair enough but if not he needs to come up with a plan.

RiverTam · 22/11/2018 17:49

Well, I’d hate that too, tbh. Though him being a smoker makes me less sympathetic.

differentnameforthis · 23/11/2018 08:48

Oh come on? My 7 month old slept in his Moses basket from day one and is now in his cot in his own room. He's not emotionally scarred by it

And op's dh has probably slept in his own room as a child, and as an adult, and that didn't do him any harm either.

Op said her children are sick/ebf. It won't "emotionally scar" him to let his kids have mum to cuddle up to now and then

Swipe left for the next trending thread