Please advise me on this

[Polkadot1502]

Mil comes round to visit dd and every time she's here she'll have a biscuit with her coffee and every bloody time she'll say " she can't have this can she " or " can she have some " dd is dairy intolerant and it's really stressing me out she sees her weekly so don't understand how she can be still questioning it we've known for over a year that she can't tolerate it, how can I get my point across for her to stop asking I'm so worried she'll give her some when my backs turned and pretend she didn't realise she couldn't have it.
Also fil keeps making comments that are getting on my nerves, I don't go to their house because they have a dog who can be quite snappy and every time he comes he makes a comment about it tonight's was " aww mean mummy not feeding you we will take you home and feed you"
Theres quite a bit of back story which I won't bore you with but I feel the commments/ digs are just getting too much! They have caused major problems between me and dp so this on top is too much xx

Just for context dd dinner was in the oven cooking when he said this!! She defo doesn't go without.
I watched the news tonight where someone died due to a dairy allergy and having dairy, at this point in time we don't know how intolerant she is!! But when she had my breast milk she had a few too many times where she struggled to breathe properly xx

You really are hypersensitive, and quite irritable, aren't you OP? These are just little comments and not meant deliberately to upset you. (Unless there's something in the untold back story that says otherwise?)

I think you could maybe ask your husband to speak to them. Then maybe keep dping as you are doing and have them there for the time being or when you give the biscuits say "these have milk in remember X cant have them"

Also to reassure you an intolerance and an allergy are different. My daughter had an allergy and whilst waiting for diagnosis/Specialist to see her when weaning i gave one small bit of milk/milk product a day and watched her closely. In doing this and by feeding her I was told she built up a resistance and she grew outbif it. I dont suggest you do that but wjat i am saying is it might not be forever x

Or could you give them lactose safe foods for now. Or if they have to feed your daughter oack a luch bag and stick a note to it to say she only has foods from there

You don’t seem hypersensitive at all OP

Perhaps every single time they say it remind them, “DD is dairy intolerant. No caring person would want to make her ill.” And repeat.

Idiots.

Be clear and polite on the surface; "no, mil, she can't have them-surely you remember? I hope you don't keep on mentioning it as she gets older as we don't need to make a fuss". "Of course we feed her- and you know snappy dogs and toddlers don't mix so your house won't work!" Insert tinkly laugh as appropriate. They will think you're humourless and won't like you but, in fairness, they don't sound like they like you now and it's mutual so no sense seething in silence.

Yup, weekly dairy free biscuits all round!

I'd stop offering biscuits when she visits.

Thankyou for your replies, partner has had several words as have I but nothing seems to change. The digs are everytime they come.
It all started when I wouldn't take my dd to their house because they have quite a snappy dog who I used to look after whilst they had their other grandchild because they were really worried about her being near Gc but when i had dd I was called ridiculous because I wanted my baby kept away, since then digs have been made, silly things that shouldn't bother me like mil bringing round a poster she found in her loft of naked girls and asking my 32 year old partner if it was his and he wanted it, asking if he thought his brothers new girlfriend was pretty, fil told me I'd let my self go, there are always comments about going to their house the list goes on, favouritism with dn ( who I love by the way ) brought the dog into my home even though I said I didn't want her here and was really concerned!! Xx

MIL was constantly trying to feed DD gluten (she’s coeliac) ‘just the once’. For context she becomes very very unwell at ingesting small quantities.
Stand firm. I suggested once DD would eat gluten if she ate something that made her sick first. That stopped it briefly.

My niece is dairy intolerant and the older generation seem to think 'all these allergies nowadays, never had anything like that when we were younger!' I don't think they believe it's real. Have they seen her ill from eating it?

Yes have seen how bad she can get, when she was breastfed she had the worst nappy rash it was awful, I showed mil and said that it was my milk causing it ( had to stop breastfeeding because she wasn't good on my milk ) xx

RealHousewife milk/dairy allergy is not the same as being lactose intolerant. It's usually CMPA, cow's milk protein allergy. Milk protein and lactose are not one and the same. Lactose is the naturally occurring sugar in milk.

Wowfudge. Thanks for that I am aware of the difference but OP didnt say directly if it was lactose allergy/intoleramce or CMPA. I used a shortcut (filled in the gaps in my message) perhaps wrongly... but I am not sure thats the point. I offered advice of what she could do/say. Thats what she asked for.

OP, were you having dairy in your diet when you were breast feeding your DD? Just wondering, as you say she reacted to your milk.

I'd get in dairy free biscuits for your MILs visits (Oreos, some digestives, jammy Dodgers, and a few others are all dairy-free). Make sure you tell her they ARE dairy-free though, so they don't confuse things.

Yes was having dairy but cut it out and she cleared up but then it came back again so called it a day with the breast feeding.
Good idea about the dairy free biscuits but it's not something i want dd to have at a young age she's a good eater so don't want to start with biscuits etc xx

Yes i suggested that too. If your mil has biscuits anyway its a safer option. I know you dont want your daughter having biscuits though im the same. Maybe pur one on a plate so she's less likely tp share or say dd will have lunch soon....

Sorry should have added, she has other allergies and we couldn't work out what and because I'm already vegetarian and quite a fussy eater my hv said it wouldn't be right or good for me to cut anything else out of my diet xx

Agree with you about safer option at least I wouldn't have that worry if she did have a bit xx

My mother bought a slice of cake for us to share with ds (who has cmpa) it had not occurred to her that cake has milk in it. It wasn't intentional and was quickly resolved by explaining how much of a reaction he has to tiny amounts of milk. She is now careful and checks everything with me.

Fil on the other hand doesn't believe that allergies exist and a little bit of anything won't do any harm. Believes brushing the sugar off the outside of a doughnut means it's ok for a diabetic and he takes his heart medication when he feels like it and he isn't dead yet so the meds can't really be doing much anyway.

For some reason grandparents want to feed their grandchildren crap, it seams to be some sort of right of passage. I allow mum to feed ds milk free crap occasionally and explain to fil that he isn't missing out we just have to find alternatives that won't make him seriously ill or could kill him. I would never allow fil access to feed ds anything because he won't accept he isn't right. But I ignore as much as possible of his comments because nothing I do will change him and will only result in raising my blood pressure. When I do feel I need to say something I am calm and state that it's not really a treat if ds will then have a tummy ache, diarrhoea, horrific eczema at best and at worse could kill him.

RealHousewife I posted because all too often people confuse the two and have heard of lactose intolerance but not CMPA. My nephew has CMPA and it was an education for the whole family. He is now okay with cooked products, so can eat standard biscuits and cakes, but not things like mashed potato with milk and butter in it.

After issues with my DS where ILs were feeding him unsuitable foods, we took them along with us to hospital for a food challenge. Seeing him with an allergic rash from head to toe and with difficulty breathing meant that they never took sole care of him again! That suited us just fine.

Each time pose the same question to them ‘is there dairy in it’ and let’s them answer

Thankyou for your replies and advise, I thought I was being unreasonable because the do it so innocently but everytime they come, Going to re read everyone's advise and make sure I say something other then no next time xx

Wowfudge... i know..... i was just trying to help OP. I do know the difference so that's a little patronising perhaps direct your posts to a wider audience... i already said i knew the difference... but you insisted on telling me anyway.

Im just trying to help OP ppease don't berate me