Has anyone decided to have just one child?

[Perfectpeony]

My baby daughter is only 4 months but I think about this a lot. I just don’t think I could do it again. I was wondering what your experiences are of being a family of 3? Or did you like growing up as an only child? My DH is an only and has a lovely relationship with his parent- he never says he wished he had a sibling.

Some pros to having another child I thought of:

• Someone for DD to play with, I’m one of 5- it was difficult at times but we are close and hang out a lot as adults. It can be a lot of fun having a bigger family. More noise, grandchildren etc. it’s also what society expects?

Cons:
More expensive (not as many holidays or activities for DD), risk to my mental health (babies are hard work!), going through pregnancy/ birth again, less time to spend with DD (don’t know if I could love another baby as much as I love her), strain on relationship, getting fat/ losing hair all over again...

Did anyone feel this way and go on to have a second? Or decide it was right to just have one?

Well I'm a single parent but I only have one. He's 5 and a half and I 100% don't want any more.

Various reasons - the cost, horrible pregnancy and labour, I found the early years difficult, not wanting to have children with different fathers (not saying there is anything wrong with that but I just don't want it for myself).

I'm an only child myself and thoughts of a sibling never crossed my mind. DS has never mentioned wanting one either.

Yes. I worry about DD being an only child but she nearly died in childbirth and I’m too scared to do it again

Yes. Very happy with just the one.
Never had an ounce of desire to have anymore. She's 19 now so I can't see me changing my mind. That said if it does happen once it was here I'm.sure I'd be thrilled to bits with him/her.
Hopefully in the not too distant future I'll be looking forward to my grandkids. I also have 2_nephews so They keep me on my toes

Yep, just the one. We thought we'd have another but due to a combination of factors we didn't. Partly influenced by watching the sibling rivalry between his cousins. Also DH and I both work full time, DH works a lot of unsociable hours, we didn't have family around and, although we didn't know it at the time, DS has ADHD. I was often near to tears getting DS into bed, having a newborn as well just seemed unmanageable. Ds is easier now but it really feels like the ship has sailed.

There are pros and cons without a doubt either way. We're happy.

Happy with one. I always envisaged is being a happy little threesome and having had a rough childhood I wanted to give all my attention to one child and make sure they had a good one. We have such a laugh in our house and in all honesty more than one would be too much for me to cope with.

I would not have contemplated another one when ds was 4 months ! Once he hit 3 I felt I could have another , unfortunately I had split from his dad by then and have been suffering with endometriosis. I think I have started the menopause as well now so I'm ruling it out!
Ds is nearly 5 now and if I could I would have had another , however I am very happy with one and count myself fortunate.

I didn't plan for just one, but that's how it turned out. Actually, I love it! I don't feel that dd misses out as a result of not having a sibling at all, and we are very happy with how things have worked out.

Following this with interest. I always thought i’d have at least 2 but I also found the newborn bit really hard and don’t want to do it again.

I had always wanted a blond haired ,blue eyed boy. That was what i got on my first attempt so never felt the need to try again. He is now 33 and for the last 8 years it's like he's been born again in the shape of our grandson,who is"the bestest boy in the whole wide world".

I'm in the same situation as well. My DS is 8 months and my heart tells me I don't want another one. Difficulties TTC, difficult pregnancy and birth and as an introvert I am finding one child hard enough.
However I love him more than anything in the world and as I'm close to my siblings, would like this experience for him. Feel selfish as he wouldn't have anyone when we are old/decrepit.
I think we will probably try for another.. but worry about what it will do to our marriage/mental health!

I would love dd to have a sibling (she’s only 6 months). But I’m not sure we can go through IVF and the anxiety of pregnancy again.

Thinking about adoption as we didn’t really expect ivf to work and were thinking abut adopting anyway.

But I like be dd to bits and I’m not sure whether to rock the boat.

I don’t want her to be alone when we’ve gone though!

Blissfully happy with just the one. I don’t regret that choice for a second and she’s 8 now. I met someone early this year (my ExDH walked out when DD was 5) and we’ve had the kids conversation as he would love to have a child. But I’m 42 and pregnancy could be risky again even without taking age into account, but above all, both he and I don’t want to disrupt DD’s life any further. I was lucky to have DD and our lives are happy, busy and content.

@whatamuddleduck not having a sibling doesn't mean she will be "alone". I'm an only child, I have a son, other family members, plenty of friends. Maybe grandchildren in the future. I won't be "alone" when my parents are gone!

SMBC here. Went through a lot to have DD. 4 x IUI, mild IVF. Only 1 egg so a miracle she is here, plus she was early and very small and that was also terrifying. She has faced so many hurdles and overcome them all. But now, it feels like she was always just there, waiting to be born, and she is meant to be my child. I couldn't do it again (also suspect perimenopause like a pp).

I'm pregnant with no 2 but would have been happy with just one. I feel like with one, me and OH are a couple with a child. Nice and simple. Our house is tidy and it's quiet most of the time, DS gets our sole attention and getting baby sitters is easy. DS is lovely and when we can afford nice extras, we can plan with him and have so much fun just the 3 of us. 100% not saying you can't do any of this with more than one, but knowing myself pretty well I know I'm going to find things a lot more hectic with another thrown into the mix! (This makes it sound like I'm dreading it, I'm not. But 1 child definitely has its advantages)

Kizzy I understand what you mean. I know it’s bad to say and I generally don’t talk about it but all I ever wanted was a daughter. I have one and she’s perfect.

She already has 3 cousins and there will probably be more to come. They don’t all live close but my friends are starting to have children- so I’m not sure she’d be lonely?

I feel like having another one is a risk. I know my opinion might change in a few years but we have a good life! Comfortable financially, a couple of fur babies and live in a nice area (house would be too small for 2 kids and I love our house).

One is perfect for me. A few years of hard work then you have your life back. My only has loads of friends locally and is always off out with friends and their families, has sleepovers etc. Likewise we often take a friend out with us or have them stay over. Having 2 for entire weekends just confirms my suspicions that I was never meant to have more than one. Plus family are more likely to help out when it's just one. My parents have their other grandchildren less as they come in packages and they find it really stressful. I know school mums who've been doing the same school run for 12+years, going over the same homework X 3 etc. It just seems such a slog, whereas with one you're always moving onto the next stage. Selfishly I have plenty time for me, see my friends regularly, exercise every day, have my own interests etc.

I’m still pregnant but will probably have just the one, though I have DSC and it’ll be a half only not an only only.

Both my parents are only children and both wanted a big family, so that’s all I know and always assumed I’d have. But getting this far has been a pile of crap, loads of mcs, this one hanging on through a cocktail of meds, DH is getting on a bit. I feel like this is our miracle and we’re unlikely to get another and we’ve made peace with that. I quite like being pregnant but it’s been a stressful journey and I’ll be so happy to have the baby I’d almost given up on ever getting I can’t see us trying again.

Your DD sounds awesome, enjoy her

I have one DD aged 3 and we are 99% sure we don’t want any more, for all the reasons people have already articulated. I do feel guilty about not giving her a sibling, but I don’t think guilt is enough reason in itself to bring a whole new person into the world.

Yes we have one and we decided to not have another.

I just don’t think we’re two kids kind of people - I don’t like chaos and stress, I like calm and personal time. I also like my adult life and socialising etc

One child is hugely rewarding and enough for me!

I have an only, she's 17 and I'm totally happy with my decision, she's fine too, has never wanted a sibling.

Yes we have one ds age 4 and we don't want any more.We can afford to take him places and he gets all our attention plus we get to go out socially once a month thanks to my parents,if we had another they would be reluctant to babysit and tbh we value our adult nights out

We just had one. I had a horrible pregnancy and birth and when I said I wasn't doing it again I meant it.

We asked DD last year if she minded being an only and she said no she likes it as she gets all of our attention. She is an only granddaughter on both sides too so gets spoiled rotten.

I always planned for two, but have had many losses and am now knocking on a bit, so yes, it looks like just one for me!

Fortunately, he is as handsome, clever and sweet as 11 children put together 😄

I think there seems to be the presumption that if you have an only child they will be lonely and resent being an only child. My DH doesn’t at all and I have friends who feel the same, so wondering if that’s true.

I’m glad I have siblings but only because my parents didn’t spend any time with me- that wouldn’t be an issue with my daughter