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Original poster

Has anyone decided to have just one child?

48 replies

Perfectpeony · 18/11/2018 11:55

My baby daughter is only 4 months but I think about this a lot. I just don’t think I could do it again. I was wondering what your experiences are of being a family of 3? Or did you like growing up as an only child? My DH is an only and has a lovely relationship with his parent- he never says he wished he had a sibling.

Some pros to having another child I thought of:

Someone for DD to play with, I’m one of 5- it was difficult at times but we are close and hang out a lot as adults. It can be a lot of fun having a bigger family. More noise, grandchildren etc. it’s also what society expects?

Cons:
More expensive (not as many holidays or activities for DD), risk to my mental health (babies are hard work!), going through pregnancy/ birth again, less time to spend with DD (don’t know if I could love another baby as much as I love her), strain on relationship, getting fat/ losing hair all over again...

Did anyone feel this way and go on to have a second? Or decide it was right to just have one?

OP posts:

Namechange8471 · 19/11/2018 12:40

Ok slightly different opinion here, I am an only child,and hated it. I spent the weekend growing up with cousins , had a wonderful childhood, but I always felt sad.

My own DD (10) is an only child, I split with her dad when she was 2, am now in a new relationship (3 years) and can't wait to have another child in the near future.

Personally my DD can't wait for a brother or sister (maybe it's a girl thing 😂). I was young when I had her (18) and for the last few years I've felt I'm ready to go again!

Yours is only little op, you might change your mind! Took me 8 years to mildly consider it.

museumum · 19/11/2018 12:45

My 5yr old is an only. I’m 42 and didn’t meet dh till quite late on. I was open to having two before I had ds bit at each stage with him we’ve really enjoyed being able to do new and different things and didn’t want to bring a small baby into the family. Now it feels too late. I don’t really see my brother at all despite being in the same city so I don’t believe all this “siblings are around for life” stuff.

user789653241 · 19/11/2018 12:49

I have only one child. I have conceived him after 3 years of infertility treatment. I wanted more. But made the decision not to after we found out he had lots of health problems.

My ds loves to be an only child, that he gets all the attentions. I think we have made a good choice.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

Original poster

Perfectpeony · 19/11/2018 12:53

Name change I agree having cousins etc. isn’t the same as having siblings at home with you all the time.

DD is very hard work, I guess I may feel differently in a few years. I’m still late twenties so lucky I’ve time to decide.

OP posts:

Minniemountain · 19/11/2018 12:56

We seriously considered having 2 DC but actually I really needed to get back to work and we didn't want to juggle us both working and 2 DC.

DS is 5. We don't regret it. He's happy and gets lots of attention. We have time for all of us to do our thing. MIL has him overnight once a month which he loves.

DreamingofSunshine · 19/11/2018 13:09

DS is likely to be an only. I had a tough pregnancy and was diagnosed with a serious disease six months after the birth, resulting in medication which affected fertility. Even if I managed to get pg again, I don't think it'd be fair on me, DH or DS to go through another long period of illness.

Doghorsechicken · 19/11/2018 13:12

I love this thread, I always imagined having 2 children but now I have my DS who is 5 months I just want to stick with him. He just gets better & better as he grows, he’s just perfect! Neither of us enjoyed the newborn stage, I really don’t think I could do that again. Plus I like the idea that we can help him out financially through life, he’ll never have to struggle. I like a tidy house, peace & quiet, the odd night out etc.

Theonewiththecat · 19/11/2018 13:27

We've only got 1. She's 9 now. We went backwards and forwards for years about having another, but there was always more cons than pros. Dd isn't bothered, She didn't want a sibling (she wanted a cat) DH didn't want a baby (He wanted a cat) I didn't want a baby (I didn't want a cat)
We got a cat.
I love how things are now, We just go out, out for lunch, day trips, mini breaks, me and dd go abroad every year (I wouldn't want to do that with a baby or toddler) our family works as a 3.

Original poster

Perfectpeony · 19/11/2018 13:33

Theonewiththecat that sounds great!

We like to go out to eat, National Trust, holidays and shopping. I don’t know if we could cope with two! I love the idea of myself and DD spending quality time together.

We have a dog though.

OP posts:

ShatnersWig · 19/11/2018 13:41

My parents only had me because they could only just afford to have me. I never understand when people say they worry about only having one child in case they are lonely. Um, I had loads of friends round, playing all the time. Nothing lonely about that. And don't forget LOADS of siblings don't get on AT ALL. Even into adulthood. I'd find that far more lonely, personally.

KnitFastDieWarm · 19/11/2018 13:52

My only is about to turn three and I’ve never wavered on wanting one since he was about 18 months or so, when me and dh both agreed one worked for us (we’d always kind of assumed we’d have two as were both one of two siblings ourselves)
Having one is lovely. Pros for us include:

time to ourselves; me and dh still continue our hobbies and interests equally.
cheaper childcare.
I had a hideous sicky pregnancy and scary birth so am in no hurry to do that again.
easier to fit two careers around one child.
will be much cheaper to go on holiday etc as ds gets older.
lots of time and attention for ds.
he’s got lots of friends of the same age and is never lonely. We’re very sociable and family focussed so he’ll never be alone growing up unless he wants to be.
I’m selfish and like my own space therefore I feel I can be a good parent to one child but would be a snappy, miserable, crap parent to multiple children.

Cons:

people constantly bloody asking when we’re having another/why we don’t want another/etc etc.

Snowflakethecat · 19/11/2018 13:53

I only have one child. She does have a half brother but generally day to day she is not with him, he doesn't stay over regularly at all with us. I won't ever have another, and I don't believe I'll change my mind. I had terrible PND, don't want to risk it or go through that again. Financially I can't take the hit again. Also I just am too selfish. I don't want to go throw the newborn stage etc again. I want to enjoy having my daughter and I am. If I had another it would be too much for me. We got a kitten she has plenty of friends and cousins. I don't ever feel guilty for making the best choice for me, which means it's the best choice for her to have a healthy happy mum.

MachoManRandySavage · 19/11/2018 14:35

Definitely sticking at 1.

I had a horrible pregnancy, a horrible birth with long lasting injuries and horrendous PND which lasted for two years. There is absolutely no way I can even contemplate going through any of that again - plus I seriously doubt my body would handle another pregnancy.

I know my limitations and that is to stick with the one. I do feel guilty because he would be a brilliant sibling, but I just can't take the risk to my mental and physical health.

We have a very nice balance now, both work in jobs we enjoy, our son is very happy and content, lots of cousins and friends and a loving wider family. He'll be just fine!

wrenika · 19/11/2018 17:46

I'm an only child and I love it. I'm glad my parents only wanted one child. I didn't have to share their attention and I am closer to them because it was just me and them. I would have hated to have another sibling and if I were to have children in the future, I would definitely only have one. From my point of view, as an only child, I'm very happy with my circumstances.

beeefcake · 19/11/2018 17:57

I'm an only child, it's very difficult as an adult as the burden falls entirely on one person when things go wrong. My parents are having marriage problems now and I have no one to share the load as it were.

I am lucky enough to be married but at times don't know how I would cope if I was single.

beeefcake · 19/11/2018 17:58

I should add that I have no resentment toward my parents, me being an only child was just meant to be. However I will try to ensure my children have a sibling because of my own experiences.

Justlikedevon · 19/11/2018 18:22

I've got one. It's ace and I don't miss having another, I'd have been shit at it. Plus am divorced and I wouldn't ever contemplate a second with someone else so that sealed it for me.

coffeeneeded · 19/11/2018 18:45

I only wanted one...... I got twins.

Still- one pregnancy though- which was enough! Husband is convinced he'll wake up with me standing over him with the garden shears.

Enjoy your one!! Spoil them rotten and get a pet if you think they need a mate.

Gimmeesugar · 19/11/2018 18:51

I think there seems to be the presumption that if you have an only child they will be lonely and resent being an only child. My DH doesn’t at all and I have friends who feel the same, so wondering if that’s true.

No it’s not. There have been large meta studies and analysis and they’ve consistently shown only children are no more lonely or depressed than those with siblings.

Some only children don’t like it. Some love it.Some children with siblings don’t like it. Some love it. Everyone is individual!

Davros · 19/11/2018 23:54

There is a whole MN section on One Child Families

ButtMuncher · 20/11/2018 00:29

One and definitely done. I had a horrible pregnancy, pre and post natal anxiety and depression and took a long while to adjust to being a Mum. My DS is a half sibling (so I have. A DSS) so technically he's not an only child but we don't have DSS here all the time. I find it difficult to balance two kids, so another one would tip me over the edge

More to the point, DH was totally done at 2 and had a vasectomy. I was fully behind the decision.

Aquamarine1029 · 20/11/2018 00:37

I'm an only child and had an amazing childhood. Never missed having a sibling and still don't at age 45. The whole "missing out" thing is shite. Stick to one of that's what makes you happy!

Defender90 · 20/11/2018 00:50

My parents made that decision.

Granted I apparently never slept through the night for 3 years but I think that was more 'me' than only child related issue.

I had a wonderful childhood. Made friends fine, both at home and on holiday (though my Scottish accent always made communication tricky with my peers in Blackpool or a Spanish resort!)

I've developed a successful career, found a hubby of my own, have a house and cars, no kids due to health things (that I'm sure aren't because I didn't have siblings) and was devastated to loose my mum earlier this year. I hope to whatever I would have been equally as devastated to loose her if I had football team of siblings. I chat to Dad every night.

We didn't go abroad until I was 11. It doesn't make me want to travel (OH and I have done holidays home and away) we got married last year in Vegas and didn't have any parents there.
Again, not because I'm an only child.

Do what feels right.

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