Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

If you earn a lot of money...

59 replies

MissMalice · 17/11/2018 13:07

What do you do and when do you spend time with your children?

I’ve been a SAHM for a long time and have always felt like being at home is more important than having a lot of money/nice house etc.

But I’m starting to feel like the balance we’ve got is a bit wrong. They get a lot of my time but I feel like I’m regularly having to say “sorry we can’t afford that, or that, or that”. My fear is that if both DH & I work full time, they’ll hardly see us and we’ll be too tired/stressed after long working weeks to pay proper attention to them.

So if you are a high income household, do (and your OH if you have one) both work full time? When do you spend quality time with your children? Does it feel like enough? Are you constantly chasing your tail? Does having a nice home make up for some of the stress?

OP posts:
herethereandeverywhere · 17/11/2018 21:59

The grandparents all live over 1000 miles away. We fly them here to cover when travel overlaps or the odd school holiday.

It's a 2-3 times a year thing.

Bbbbb27 · 17/11/2018 22:00

Both dh and I earn around £45k each. Dh works 5am-2pm x 6 days. I work 10-6 x 5 days, 3 of which are from home.

So I am home in the mornings and dh afternoons, has worked really well.

Before full time school I only worked two days, we were skint but got through.

mummyneedssweets · 17/11/2018 22:07

Name changed for this as it's very outing.

We are not mega rich but have a household income of £150k a year.

I am very senior - much more senior than my husband - but work three very long days a week plus some weekend work. I don't want to go into much detail but it's very unpredictable work and basically I don't see my children on the days I work as I'm travelling or working late every week. My husband is in a senior role and is working full time but works at home the days I work ensuring that someone is around for bedtime . We have some help with babysitters/ family etc but he will come and say hello and chat to the children so they see a lot of him and he often schedules meetings around their assembliesSmile. On the two days I am not working I am very much like a SAHM - taking them to clubs and going on play dates or school trips. They are school age so I have them in the holidays etc.
Tbh I don't know anyone that has a better work life balance. I work very very hard and am passionate about my career and my seniority but I am also very much around for my children .

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

mummyneedssweets · 17/11/2018 22:08

Sorry meant to say both of us have gained flexibility because of our seniority. Actually the more senior you are the easier it is to call shots

OhTheRoses · 17/11/2018 22:18

Well DH is a very high earner. When DC were small I had 7 years off and actuàlly when DH was in his mid thirties/early forties he worked so hard my job was on the home front so he could give everything to work.

I went back to work at 43, 2nd career, fulltime after two years as offered promotion and chance to take prof quals. DC were about 10 and 7. We got an au-pair and full-time was easier than part. Also had cleaner, etc. In the early days I felt guilty and sometimes dd did wabt me around more but I always took them to school and three nights a week she had activities/teas etc, and I was home by about 6.15.

Much of it was about brutal organisation and I think it helped the dc with their independence. They had to learn to pack homework, sports kit, flute, etc, because I wasn't abiut to chase back to school.

Even up to a couple of years ago I'd collect dd from school after rehearsals, after school stuff, etc.

At 17 dd said "mum, you've been a fantastic role model, have taught me a good work ethic and that women can be independent".

DD is at uni now; ds doing a masters. My career has taken off in my twilight years when we don't need the money.

Sadly many of the dc's friends suffered parents divorcing in their late teens. Parents who had got bored of each other men being unfaithful Many of those mothers hadn't worked for 20+ years and in their mid fifties were unemployabke and had spent 20+ years talking about their children, their next holiday and their kitchens.

I was bored and had I got like that I think DH would have got bored. I like work and it isn't about the money but it is reassuring to know that if the worst had happened I coukd be self sufficient and I have a very good pension to look forward to.

MissMalice · 17/11/2018 22:24

Wow that’s a great story OhTheRoses. There’s definitely upsides to it isn’t there.

OP posts:
stinkypoo · 17/11/2018 22:54

I'm a single mum and work full time but DDs Dad is good and we manage to sort things between us quite well.
I have a cleaner etc, and I'm senior enough to be able to work flexibly and from home so generally manage to get to all the school stuff.
Planning & finishing work in the evenings/weekends when DD is either asleep or with her Dad is the only way I can keep n top of things though, I have quite a stressful job.

Sohardtochooseausername · 17/11/2018 23:06

You can ask what works for other people but I think you need to ask yourself what you really want and find a way to make that happen. Everything else will fall into place after that.

I thought I’d love being on mat leave but couldn’t wait to get back to work. My work is a big part of my identity and I felt lost without it. Now DD is 6 she complains when I go away but I also know I’m showing her women can have very successful careers. When I’m home I work very flexible hours so pick her up from after school club most days, attend sports day and the school plays etc. Plus I hardly ever work at weekends so all that time is ours, mostly it’s taking her to see her friends!!

CodeOrange · 17/11/2018 23:48

We both have operational transport jobs with shiftwork. £115k household income. This has worked well for childcare as one of us does earlies and the other does lates. Our rotas work two weeks about - fortnight early, fortnight late so we are on opposites. These can be quite extreme hours with 0445 starts on the earlies and 0130 finishes on Lates.

When DC were preschool age they went to nursery for a full day on Mondays and Fridays and that gave the parent on late turn a chance for a nap and to run errands etc.

Now the DC are 12 and 10 life is great and for some time there has been a lot more room for manouvre and no childcare required. A lot of people think we must never see each other but whilst we do work some weekends we try and get every other Tuesday off together to have a nice decadent lunch while the DC are at school.

We have a cleaner now so rest days and annual leave are just for the kids.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page