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Original poster

Do you think you have a hard life or an easy life?

57 replies

AlpineButterfly · 14/11/2018 14:51

Just curious really. Do you think others would agree with you or disagree?

I enjoy my life. Others always say "I don't know how you cope." etc, but I think it's perfectly ok. Likewise, some friends who I think have an easy life, seem to struggle and those who I think have it tough sometimes cope amazingly. I get I don't know everything about people's lives, MH issues, SEN issues, etc

Not a judgy thread. Just, I guess, a philosophical discussion. I have down days and get really fed up sometimes but others life is really good.

I'll share my family set up later

OP posts:

stegosauruslady · 14/11/2018 15:46

Pretty easy. I had a shit childhood, but have ended up a SAHM to three lovely DDs with a DS on the way. My house is tiny but I love where I live, DP is incredible, my cats are great, I have very good health and when this baby is older I will go to university to study midwifery. We don't have much money, but have very low outgoings so are pretty comfortable.

festivellama · 14/11/2018 16:00

Not that easy, no. Bereavements mostly, including losing a parent when I was a child and being taken into care when the other one had a total nervous breakdown. Also bullying, redundancy, divorce, considerable financial constraints and very premature menopause. And a dc who suffered an injury which put paid to their career.
Other than that, I'm on a fairly even keel at the moment.

cantfindname · 14/11/2018 16:04

A bit of both really. Some very hard times with difficult emotionally abusive relationships and parts of my childhood were 'unpleasant'

But throughout all the bad times there were times when the sun shone and life was wonderful. I was single parent to 4 for a while and life was good, hard work, but good.

Later in life I discovered my ideal partner and life was amazing, despite me being very unwell for five years. Sadly he has passed away and although I will miss him forever my life is on an even keel and there are still happy times.

3in4years · 14/11/2018 16:07

3 kids under 5.
Easy.
I am on mat leave and really appreciate not working.

spanishwife · 14/11/2018 16:07

It's currently very easy, but I traded in a lot of things to be here like a better salary and more ambitious career, living closer to friends and family...

beachcomber243 · 14/11/2018 16:09

I've had chaotic, confusing times and happy, lovely times. I've met amazing people and some vile ones. I've had a lot of luck and a lot of bad luck. I know deep pain, also had lots of laughter.

So I'd say it was 50-50. I've learnt loads from the rough times and remember the good years with smiles. I'm just philosophical. Life can be wonderful and beautiful, but also hellish and depressing. Things always change, and we learn all the time how to appreciate the good and deal with the bad.

Darkestnight · 14/11/2018 16:12

A very hard tiring life with but I'm happy on how much I've changed it in the last 6 months

TitsalinaBumSquash · 14/11/2018 16:16

Meh, it's all relative isn't it? I have 4 DC a full time job with a lot of responsibilities (dementia care) and my son has a life shortening illness that's advancing quickly. I never stop and I'm so run down it hurts, one of my kids has ASD and one has dyspraxia, So a lot of people would say I have a hard life.

However, we have a roof over our heads, food in the cupboards, money for heating and a nice Christmas, the kids get to do hobbies and we aren't robbing Peter to pay Paul so compared to some our life is easy.

Then there are people with healthy children, family money and support, those people seem to have it easier than us. It's perspective.

gunge · 14/11/2018 17:08

I have a nice home in a nice town, 3 happy and healthy DC and a DH who adores me. I stay at home and pursue hobbies (mostly fitness stuff). I'm slim and fit, I have friends and a social life. We aren't rolling in it but we have nice things and a holiday.

BUT I had a shitty childhood. My mum died young and I'm estranged from all my family. My ILs are good but we recently lost a parent in law. I struggle with anxiety and low mood and this recent loss has triggered it.

Everyone but everyone has shit

Carpetglasssofa · 14/11/2018 17:11

Piece of piss, tbh. I'm very lucky.

So far.

ChodeofChodeHall · 14/11/2018 17:13

I would say hard. Abusive parents, health issues, infertility, loss...

I'm ok though! Having a happy marriage helps.

WickedGoodDoge · 14/11/2018 17:16

I have a very easy life but I don't get enough sleep and am permanently tired

mostdays · 14/11/2018 17:18

Relative to the world's population, especially the female population, yes, I have a very easy and privileged life.
Relative to most people I know I'd say it's the more difficult end of average, but still not that hard.
Some days I find it very hard. Those are days when my own mental health is crap and DS1 is attempting to become the poster boy for delinquency and work is really challenging and I'm worried about money and so on. But in the grand scheme of things I am very lucky, really. I'm not rich in UK terms, not by a long shot, but I'm alright.

ArchbishopOfBanterbury · 14/11/2018 17:24

Easy - I've been really lucky. Supportive parents, good education, lovely DH, great work opportunities. I have a really full and good life, which I hugely appreciate. I also work hard and take the opportunities, but I appreciate a lot of them have come through luck and privilege, not merit.

bringbackthestripes · 14/11/2018 17:26

Hard. DH health issues then disability and having to stop working resulting in financial problems, DC being ASD, now my own chronic health problems meaning I can only work very little so financially worse off than ever along with constantly being in pain and unwell. Even my Dsis says she feels guilty as she has always sailed through life and I seem to have to deal with everything.

It is what it is, it’s hard but no point being bloody miserable about it. We have a roof over our heads and food in our cupboards. we may not have fancy holidays, expensive clothes and we drive old bangers but that doesn’t matter. I would just like less worry in my life.

Nothisispatrick · 14/11/2018 17:39

Very easy. I have a wonderful DP and a wonderful baby who is very chill and happy. DP works in a very good job full time from home so we parent completely 50:50. Today I’ve been to the gym, food shopping and had an hour nap while dp worked with baby in the sling!

My main source of stress is my career. I am defree educated and I have no direction and no idea what I want to do, any ideas I have involve another degree which is expensive.

I’m on mat leave but I currently earn 16k, I live in the SE so this would not be enough to support myself without DP. I’ve no idea what I’m going to do after mat leave.

AbsentmindedWoman · 14/11/2018 18:05

I've had some brutally hard times and some extraordinary good fortune.

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have had less of these extremes.

TheWiseWomansFear · 14/11/2018 18:16

Easy thus far, I'm 23 so there's a lot of time for that to change but it's been pretty good. There have been more difficult bits with divorce, mental health etc but in terms of where I am I've been very lucky and things have come easily to me. I'm almost waiting for the other hand to drop...

HermioneWaslib · 14/11/2018 18:19

Life is pretty easy. One kid, very part time work, lovely partner, gorgeous dog. We have just enough money and I have a good gang of friends locally.

But it feels quite difficult ever since my mum died a few years ago.

Original poster

AlpineButterfly · 14/11/2018 20:58

This is a really interesting thread, thankyou. It does somewhat put everything into perspective.

We have two very young ones, very close in age. I care for the boys in the day and work evenings, DH works days (plus some Saturdays) and studies for his degree evenings and has lectures at weekends.

It's tough having 2u2 with no childcare and no family support. We do struggle financially but I enjoy being with the boys during the day. I basically have them alone 7 days a week.

My friends say they don't know how I cope but it seems pretty ok to me. We're warm, fed and healthy. A couple of nights a week I'll have a sandwich for dinner to keep costs down and we have a lot of debt but I think we're ok.

I guess are situation is tougher than many but easier than many also.

I'm a bit philosophical over it, wondering whether it's down to perspective. I'm not sure

OP posts:

Mumberjack · 14/11/2018 21:03

Easy in some ways, bits that seem easy on the outside but are actually hard, and have had a bits of trauma and heartache in recent years so definitely have had to navigate more stuff than most.
I am determined not to compare myself to others though as in the past it made me bitter to feel that everyone else had an easier ride; I know it’s not true and everyone has shit going on.
Plus it’s so much better to remind myself of all the good things I have in life

MintyCedric · 14/11/2018 22:14

It's all relative really isn't it? Sometimes I think I'm incredibly lucky...own home, car, job, food on the table, a short break abroad or week's UK holiday each year, both my parents still alive and a fantastic daughter.

Other times I struggle with working full time as a single parent, dealing with leftover issues from my emotionally abusive marriage, keeping up with life outside work and bearing all the responsibility for my elderly parents as and when issues occur. Money's tighter than I'd like, I have very little time or energy for myself and absolutely no possibility of dating or meeting someone new romantically.

Recently a lot to my friends and colleagues have announced they, with the backing of their supportive, high earning husbands, are reducing their working hours to focus on other things and the I've felt really resentful.

Then I see my old school friend's latest update about her daughter's (same school year as mine) latest cancer relapse and think how bloody good I have it.

RedPandaMama · 14/11/2018 22:19

From the outside my life probably seems much harder now than it was a few years ago when I was a student only in 8 hours a week and drinking all the time. Now I have a baby, am moving house in 2 weeks, have 2 jobs and am doing a masters degree, people always ask me how I cope but I love it! I love the busy-ness

Whereas a few years ago I was crippled by anxiety and depression, drank to forget and help me pretend to be someone I wasn't. I had no ties to anyone and was so closed off, I honestly think if my ex hadn't sought help for me I wouldn't be here now.

So in answer to your question, my life now feels easy compared to how it was, but probably somewhere in the middle. Busy, but happy.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 14/11/2018 22:26

As a child I had a really hard life. Harder than I really admit to, most of the time. I don't think I really understood at the time just how awful it was, but as a parent now it terrifies me to think too hard about it.

Now, my life is lovely. Busy, but lovely. We have DS1 who has ASD and I know from spending time with people whose DCs also have ASD that we are incredibly fortunate in how he copes and how he behaves - bar the odd 'blip' we have relatively few tough moments with him, he'll absolutely live an independent, happy, lovely life as an adult and I count my blessings daily that his ASD has had such a small impact on him, comparatively.

There are odd days I feel overwhelmed but generally life is easy - there's a great balance between good friends, a job a love and an easygoing DH, as well as a dickhead dog.

witchesbroth · 14/11/2018 22:27

Hard - seem to lurch from one hard period to another. Debt, secondary infertility, recurrent miscarriages, cancer, sacked, more debt, multiple bereavements, only child SEN and out of school and all the crap that comes with it, had to give up job, will loose the house, more health problems.

Tbh, I don't see what the point of life is anymore. It's a shitstorm that never ends and I want no part it in any more.

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