Talk me down - primary school parents evening

[NoDailyMail]

Regular poster with name change. Parents’ evening for DS7 last week (Year Two). He’s reading well above where he should be, always joins in, is kind, and has yet to get a spelling wrong in tests since start of the term. Teacher says in one breath that he is a good listener, creative, kind... then. Well then she just sort of launches and spends the rest of our allotted time telling us that he is capable of much more than he’s giving, he has the capability to be at the top of the class but will always opt for work he knows he can do rather than push himself (thought this was normal with kids?!). She stressed he wasn’t lazy but wasn’t challenging himself enough. I came away feeling really disappointed. It felt like the assessment of a GCSE pupil rather than a seven-year-old. My DH thinks I’m being over sensitive and we need to push him more not to take the easy option. I feel that he’s doing well and “pushing” a seven-year-old because they are doing well but not top of the class is ridiculous! Anyone any thoughts? Maybe the teacher was just more direct than I’m used to but DS is sensitive and when he asked what I had been said I struggled to remember the positive stuff. I don’t expect to go and be told he’s great at everything (he’s not) but the pressure in primary feels too much sometimes. This is my first in primary so no idea! Anyone else got any parents’ evening experiences they can share to make me feel better?!

Thank you. I’ve been handed a grip. I’m getting hold of it. I’ll get used to this primary lark. And those of you who said that they have to give you something to work on are right. I like the teacher, no gripes there. She knows her stuff but I suppose being given stuff to work on is there main aim whereas I was looking for positive strokes.

The teacher would have said this to about the child at the top
Of the class too.
Gove’s new curriculum is punishing, and kids have to work hard to get to grips with it. Also modern teaching is all focused on targets.

It’s not necessarily wise, and teachers don’t necessarily like it either.

I know what you mean though op, at7 you just want to know your child is happy, hasfriends and is keeping up with the work.

I think it takes a bit to get into the mindset of this, but pretty much all feedback from year 2 has involved "he's great at this, listens well, but.....next steps...."

If you look at my DC's books, the marking is the same. Acknowleges where they have met targets, then immediately sets new ones with suggested improvements.

Learning to challenge himself is a good skill. And pushing a seven year old, is really encouraging them to fulfill their potential. It's not hothousing, it's teaching useful skills.

Thanks notquiet, I think I do just need to get in the mindset. And get my big girl pants on to start pushing him a bit more.

He's Yr2 op, so I assume he has his YR2 SATS coming up.

If he has the ability to get greater depth, she is going to want him to achieve that. I think that's her round about way of helping you help him.

Ah yes, the SATS loom. Is greater depth one of the gradings?!

That all sounds fine to me. He's a good listener, creative and kind - all lovely qualities, he could try selecting the more tricky work over the easier one sometimes - useful to know as a parent.

I'd take this as needing to support his self-belief a little, let him know that it's great to try something a bit trickier even if the answers he gives aren't all correct. Is he able to choose the harder work then move down a step if it's just too much? Of course you can hopefully encourage the same in reverse (depending on how the teacher works it) that when he finds something quite straightforward and has time left, he can challenge himself to the next difficulty up.

It's hard to hear criticism of your child, this is kind of what these parent/teacher chats are about though - where can we go next?

Don't think of it as pushing. It's encouraging, opening up potential, showing them an open road that they can go down.

I think you have to teach them motivation, even at that age. I know that secondary seems a long way off, but if you teach them self motivation now, then your job will be tonnes easier later.

They change the names all the time so I have no idea what Yr2's are like, we are yr6 taking mocks currently 🤢

And yes, sorry, greater depth is basically over achieving the expected average for their age and peer group.

Just let it wash by you - it sounds as though he is doing just fine. Is he happy would be my question - if he is, then to hell with all this other nonsense.

He could push himself till the cows come home and he would still spend most of the first two years of secondary school doing the same stuff all over again.

You know your child best; you know the things that matter to you as a parent - be strong in your own views on parenting and do not be browbeaten into worrying about something that is not a problem.

This sounds exactly the same as the parents evening I have just been to this evening. DS is June born so not 7 until next year. He’s bright but lives in a daydream/ his own imagination all the time.
His teacher said that he’s working too slowly, lacks concentration and doesn’t self motivate to get on with his work quickly enough.
How do I get a 6 year old boy to improve his concentration and motivation?
Feeling sad for him- he’s at a delightful age and is lovely at home.

Some children do coast but I think all you can do is ask them to try their hardest. It’s easy to ignore that with able children but really important as at some point they’ll hit something they can’t do and will need to up the effort. Be delighted he’s able ....so many people would love to be in your shoes...

Urgh. SATs. Fuck that noise.

chris it is a lovely age and I suppose that’s why I get peed off that it’s all about achievement all the time. Sorry you’ve had a disappointing evening. They grow up too fast.

Contrary to others I think that being 7 isn't a reason not to encourage kids not to push themselves. There's no point waiting til gcse, kids need to know that struggle and challenge are what gets you places.

Maybe it's cos im a frustrated secondary school teacher sees kids who've never pushed themselves hoping to get high level GCSEs and blaming the course for being too hard!!

Anyway with regards to the parents evening I wouldn't be upset. The teacher has recognised he is bright, well behaved and capable. She just wants to see him get the best out of school. She probably was just overthinking it. Try to put it aside.

Firstly,I suppose she's just pointing out that she thinks he is talented and has more potential. In that respect she is doing her job, as in assessing his academic abilities. I'm sure that if you were aware of his talents and you thought the teacher was oblivious you would wonder why they didn't pick up on it?

All that said, I agree that this should not be the emphasis of the report she gives you, not at this age. It would be enough to give it a mention but not to labour the point, as you say, a child of 7 might not want to push himself and be top of the class just because he can be.
As long as you are happy with him I wouldn't worry about what the teacher said unless you start to think she is putting too much pressure on him.

Start praising him for trying hard, the amount of effort he puts in and sticking with something and not giving up rather than for high achievements. Try and praise whenever you catch him doing any of this at home.
It works like magic! He will start attempting harder things at school and be less scared of getting things wrong

I think I'd be quite pleased to hear this from a teacher. It would mean my DC was not being ignored and that the teacher had ambitions for him and wasn't just trying to get the class up to an acceptable level.

They are children for such a short time - childhood is so precious.

The teachers comments are SATs-driven. You, as a caring parent, do not have to be.

Please please do NOT "start pushing him a bit more." Who else is going to protect him from these political diktats that define education in this country? - he only has his parents to do that for him. He is just a wee lad. If you push too hard you will put him off school - he is, as you say, reading well above where he should be, always joins in, is kind, and has yet to get a spelling wrong in tests since start of the term. What more can you possibly want of him?

My year 3 parents evening was a mixed bag.
Dd is imaginative, engaged and works hard. She also lives in her own world (yep that confused me too).
She is good at maths, science and reading, but her spelling level is 18 mths behind where it should be. She has moved up 2 bands in reading in the last term.

Her sats were middle of the road. I think that it’s more important at this age that they enjoy school and have realistic targets. I know of some parents who paid for extra tutoring prior to sats and basically got housed their 6/7 yr olds

Hot not got

I've worked with children this age and it's amazing how advanced some of them are. But they still need to make progress during the school year. So challenging themselves is an excellent way to do this.

Most teachers will supply differentiated work and steer the children towards to the right work for their ability. Your ds needs to have a go at the greater depth work.

Many children who find the work fairly easy are not used to failure and in fact are very afraid of failing which is why they don't challenge themselves. It can really hold them back so the teacher is right to try and encourage him to have a go.

As a parent of a child this age and a teacher, my take is this. Your child is capable and doing well, but he biggest concern is self motivation. It is such a hard thing to teach but such an important skill. The children who have potential but don't start to work for themselves by around year 3/4 tend to start to fall away from the top students. And it's not because of lack of talent. As a teacher it is so frustrating, so we do try to in-still it early if we can.

I honestly think the teacher was trying to show what his greatest need is currently. But it is hard to hear 13 minutes on what he needs to improve and 2 on what is good, so I do understand and as a parent I would find it upsetting too.

Try to give the benefit of the doubt unless there are any other red flags or issues.

Thank for your comments. I’m finding it so helpful. I think a bit of gentle encouragement for him to always try his best and not always opt for the easy option. But balanced with the approach we’ve always had which is to encourage activities outside of school and enjoy being 7. I think exams at this age are crazy. Tutoring for SATS zoflora . I don’t even agree with homework at primary level (he does do it though). We do lots of reading, activities, family stuff and DS is a very lovely well-rounded child. I think the primary pressure laid bare was a shock to me. But it’s not a main driver on my parenting, even though I am going to try to encourage DS to take more risks, which is no bad thing.