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Original poster

Yesterday I got spoken too like absolute dirt

127 replies

Rowenaravenclawsdiadem · 10/11/2018 12:05

And I really can’t shake it off.

I’m in the service industry but from time to
time I help a friend with her rental flat. An elderly couple arrived last night. It’s a small place so I took them up to the flat. They dumped their bags on me so I carried them in, Put them down and I basically got shouted at for 5 minutes. The room wasn’t what they expected, no lift, there was no food provided in the flat. No PC (what??!) Every time I tried to explain or show them how to use something I got talked over, they accused me of misrepresentation but when I’ve checked everything is as described. It’s not even my place I was just helping out! In the end the woman looked me up and down and said ‘just leave’.

I’m a 40 year old mother of 3 and I just wanted to cry. I’m no stranger to criticism or afraid of it. But I was absolutely taken back. Today I’m still really upset. To be fair some of it might be PMT.

Why are people so fucking rude!

OP posts:
Shriek · 11/11/2018 21:58

Aw , ha! heron OK, well we'll say it that then and both feel better (dementia-wise)!

BertrandRussell · 11/11/2018 22:31

"If I'd been alone in a flat being shouted at by 2 strangers, it would make a huge difference whether they were in their 70s or in, say, their 20s. Just like it would make a big difference whether they were male or female."
How about disabled or able bodied?

pallisers · 11/11/2018 22:46

god this thread is more of the usual anti-american shit isn't it. Not you OP - as you described you met two rude people who happened to be old and happened to be american and I am sorry you had that experience.

But this kind of thing

Americans are incrediably self absorbed and small minded about stuff like this aren't they? If they don't like the way people do things in other countries they can always stay in Trumpland.

Just tediously typical of MN and america. bigoted cliche after bigoted cliche.

For what it is worth, OP, I got very good advice from a friend a while ago when I was savaged on a phone call from a consultant we were engaging to do some work - incredibly unreasonably and angrily. It was terribly upsetting.

She said "look you can't change him and you never know what is going on in people's lives". So I let it go and didn't let go an email tirade at him. He called back the next day to apologise and say that his wife had been diagnosed with terminal cancer that day, they were just back from the doctor, and he should never have made any work calls at all. Not really an excuse but certainly an explanation. Since then, unless it is someone close to me whom I need to call on their rudeness, I tend to think "well you never know what is going on in their lives" and it helps. Your two sound very stressed and angry - maybe this trip is a last minute bucket-list thing, maybe they can't quite afford it, maybe they are realising that they aren't quite up to doing it on their own, maybe they are just rude assholes - who knows. I'm sorry it happened to you - it is really upsetting when it does. Enjoy your drink.

kayaking · 12/11/2018 00:05

Americans might have high expectations of service in hotels, but don't
always get it,even in the US.
I stayed in a hotel in the US a couple of years ago, at 11pm the toilet was blocked and backing up, I went to reception and asked for someone to please unblock it. Was told not after 10.30! I was given a plunger and a bucket and told to sort it out myself.
DH duly sorted it. Next morning I told the manager, he was very shocked. He apologised, didn't charge for the stay and I'm pretty sure the night manager was sacked and no, it wasn't a cheap tatty hotel, it was a Hilton!
So I was compensated for bad service but of course it shouldn't have happened that way in the first place. So the USA isn't always perfect.

LavenderBush · 12/11/2018 10:04

"If I'd been alone in a flat being shouted at by 2 strangers, it would make a huge difference whether they were in their 70s or in, say, their 20s. Just like it would make a big difference whether they were male or female."
How about disabled or able bodied?

Yes, obviously. And if they were a bodybuilder or a boxer or otherwise unusually strong, then that would be a relevant factor, too. How on earth could it not be?

BertrandRussell · 12/11/2018 10:32

So you would be perfect happy with “elderly” being replaced by “disabled” throughout this thread.

Blimey.

HeronLanyon · 12/11/2018 10:35

USA is definitely not perfect. What I meant above is how astounding it is for a human to answer a call to a service company , for people to call you back when they say they will , for problems to be sorted out by those responsible for them etc. Recently had to deal with the death of my father in the USA and at every single turn dealing with so many companies, accounts, nightmare messes he had got into through having some dementia and being a mix of lovely and ornery , I was really astounded at help I got really easily from people who saw it as their job. Really put into perspective a lot of poor service we constantly deal with here in uk. This a side issue from op who was obviously met with nightmare unreasonable couple !

LavenderBush · 12/11/2018 12:25

*"So you would be perfect happy with “elderly” being replaced by “disabled” throughout this thread.

Blimey."*

What a bizarre and rather batty assertion to be putting into my mouth. Blimey indeed.

Perhaps this creative re-imagining of other people's posts explains why you seem to be identifying "ageism" where it does not exist, as well as where it does?

Or perhaps you just find a straw man easier to disagree with than my actual statements.

BertrandRussell · 12/11/2018 12:39

You said that "elderly" was relevant because it indicated the level of threat the OP might be feeling. The same could apply to people in wheelchairs or using sticks.

MyLearnedFriend · 12/11/2018 13:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

blueskiesandforests · 12/11/2018 13:14

Bertrand you came onto this thread purely to goad comments on age out of people so you could accuse them of ageism.

Original poster
Rowenaravenclawsdiadem · 12/11/2018 13:24

I posted this thread about a couple of rude people. I don’t know how it’s degenerated into being about age. My father is the same age give or take and if I ever heard him speak to anyone the way I was spoken too, I would be fucking appalled and tell him so.

OP posts:
blueskiesandforests · 12/11/2018 13:31

Rowan it's descended to being about age because Bertrand wanted it to, so she liked it with a stick. I know she's a long term poster who's all over MN, and sometimes she posts really sensible stuff, but she has a couple of hobby horses and this is one.

Ageism exists but this thread wasn't ageist until Bertrand used her experience of years on MN to enable her to poke it into being, so it could become a vehicle for calkung out ageism...

I fell for it first, should have known to ignore the little one liner and allow it to go unnoticed rather than attempt to play chess with a pigeon. Sorry!

blueskiesandforests · 12/11/2018 13:31

*poked not liked!

Bimblefaff · 12/11/2018 13:35

Yep. Agree with *blueskies
No doubt if you left out their age you'd have been drip-feeding if it came out later.

BertrandRussell · 12/11/2018 13:45

"I posted this thread about a couple of rude people. I don’t know how it’s degenerated into being about age"

They were very rude indeed and you shouldn't have to put up with crap like that. But you mentioned their age twice in your first two posts. You would not have used colour or disability as a "descriptor"- why is it OK to use age?

DoYouWantABourbon · 12/11/2018 14:26

But you mentioned their age twice in your first two posts.

Perhaps you would like to point out those mentions, because I can't seem to see them. I can only see one mention in her fourth post, in a response to another poster.

Original poster
Rowenaravenclawsdiadem · 12/11/2018 14:33

No I mentioned my age in the first post. And I mentioned their age in a post where someone had suggested that they might be trying to get a refund or money back. And what I suggested was i thought that was unlikely because of their age.

Sorry you are right. People of all ages can be scammers not just young people.

OP posts:
HeronLanyon · 12/11/2018 14:37

Bertrand. A few of us have taken time to explain why we thought age was relevant here. Are you able to connect with any of those comments rather than repeat the rhetorical ‘if age then why not race/disability?’ I am struggling to understand your position partly because you’re not really engaging with others’ views.

Shriek · 12/11/2018 14:38

That's simply not true @bertrandrussell her first two posts do not mention their age at all.

Shriek · 12/11/2018 14:40

They just dont. Assumptions based on age are wrong and ageist, but this wasn't the intent of OP's post. Ages were mentioned in response to another's post

TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth · 12/11/2018 14:43

Their age IS mentioned in the first post!

BertrandRussell · 12/11/2018 14:44

I apologise. 1st and 4th posts mention their age.

TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth · 12/11/2018 14:45

They're described as "elderly" at least.

Shriek · 12/11/2018 14:48

I thought that made relevant context to helping with bags, you wouldn't otherwise,but as they were elderly that would be more reasonable to help with, or expect help with.
Why is that a thing?